BlogHer - working moms - Comments

Story of my life

mylifewithkids — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:41:45 -0500

Like many of the other posters I was working while my older son was going to daycare from about 6 months until about 2. During that year and a half I was out about three or four days a month due to my son's illness. My husband's parents do not live in this country and and my parents are young enough to still be working their own full time jobs. My son had juvenile parotitis which caused his parotid gland (located at the base of his jaw under his ear) to swell painfully every time he got sick. Needless to say the daycare center did not want to be responsible for him and he was not in a condition to take some Tylenol and go anyway. (as my boss suggested to me one time) I also got the "talk" from my boss that other employees were having to be responsible for my work when I wasn't there. It finally culminated in my staying home full time. It was a little difficult managing with one paycheck for a while but so much less stressful and bonus, my son only gets sick once or twice a year instead of constantly as he was when he was exposed to the other sick kids at daycare.

Telecommuting

moonfever0 — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 10:53:22 -0500

If both parents have to work, the best bet is to establish telecommuting. And if all the stars are lined up, you can rely on a grandparent to take kids when they are sick. And if all the stars AND planets line up, you can have one of the parents not work and stay home with the kids. Going from two working parents to a stay at home parent (hubby) has been a lifesaver for our family.

Angela at mommy bytes
BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet

Been There Done That

TheBlackTortoise — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 13:14:41 -0500

I'm at the other end of the spectrum as most of the commentators, in so many ways. First of all, I'm the BOSS. Second: My kids are grown and have kids of their own. I entered the work-world when any discussion about your kids was a sign you were not committed to your job. Remember you chose to have those children, didn't you?

So here's my advice:

Suggest to your boss that you'd like to practice "social distancing" this flu season. This will protect your work environment from a potential slow-down and/or stoppage; if you have customers to deal with, it will protect them. You have the best interest of the company in mind. How can your workplace do this?

1. Do not come to work if you are sick or suspect you are getting sick.

2. Institute a telecommuting option where possible.

3. Reduce the number of meetings, therefore reducing close contact. (Maintaining a 10 foot perimeter is a good way to prevent airborne contagion, such as flu and cold.)

4. Wash hands frequently.

Yes, kids are going to get sick, especially when they are in a new environment like a new daycare or new school. Whining to your boss is not going to earn you points. I'm pretty compasionate where it comes to balancing work and family with parents who are in the division I run. I raised four kids of my own, one a special needs child; many of my years of parenting were as a single parent with 300 miles separating me from extended family support. So, I know what it's like. Still, there's a business to run. Go to your boss with a solution, rather than just the problem. The more you can present your solution to your boss as a win/win, the more positively the boss will view you and your idea.

By the way, I'm a microbiologist and a Director of Quality Assurance at a pharmaceutical company. From everything I've read, the H1N1 is just another strain of the flu. Of course no one wants her child sick, but it happens, and humans have a wonderful mechanism to get us through it all: the immune system.

Adela

www.theblacktortoise.com

Been There Done That

TheBlackTortoise — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:36:16 -0500

So here's my advice:

1. Do not come to work if you are sick or suspect you are getting sick.

2. Institute a telecommuting option where possible.

3. Reduce the number of meetings, therefore reducing close contact. (Maintaining a 10 foot perimeter is a good way to prevent airborne contagion, such as flu and cold.)

4. Wash hands frequently.

Adela

www.theblacktortoise.com

Do as I say, not as I do...

MrsWsKitchen — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 10:08:00 -0500

I always find it funny when CDC suggests people stay home and get better. When I worked at the CDC/Atlanta it was a hotbed of viruses! Staff all came to work with the flu, rotaviruses and God-knows-what. I had to chase them away with my trusty can of Lysol, cleaned doorknobs & my phone & keyboard when I got in, etc.

Amanda
Mrs.W's Kitchen

My son's school's policy

Elizabeth@Table for Five — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:44:44 -0500

My oldest started 7th grade yesterday at a middle school building where the majority of the classrooms are on inside walls with no windows that open. Therefore, the school policy is to NOT send kids to school AT ALL if they are sick. Any germs that get in the air from coughing or sneezing are just going to...hang there. I shudder to think what the germ level is going to be like round about January.

One of the deciding factors when I left my office job to stay home with the boys was that I had used up all 10 of my personal days staying home with my boys because they had picked up coughs and runny noses at daycare. If a person doesn't have extended family or friends home during the day who can take in their sick kids, what the heck are they supposed to do?

Elizabeth blogs at:

The bind of working parents

Jomama2 — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:54:22 -0500

My husband actually lost his contracting job due to this problem. In the past, we had been fortunate to have TWO sick childcare centers that we could call, and had actually used one of the places several times each year.

When you have a sick child, dropping them off even at a center designed to take care of sick children is a LOUSY feeling. Sometimes, it is your ONLY option, and if you don't even have that, I can see parents sending their sick children to school.

Last year, although I have a pretty flexible job, my son managed to get sick only on days I had live classes to teach. We have no relatives in the area, and our sick childcare centers had lost their registered nurse, or been taken over by a national chain which no longer supported the sick child care. My husband ended up taking 3 unscheduled sick days in 4 months, and eventually was let go as a result of his "not being reliable enough".

We are in good shape now, with my job having converted to virtual delivery, and my husband being underemployed. But I know that changes in employment status could turn things around 180 again and put us back in the same boat.

Talk about a mixed message

mamalang — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:07:19 -0500

...Schools say keep your kid home if they are sick, but if they miss 3 or more days, you could be contacted about possible truancy issues, and if my teenager misses more than 5 days (hello, swine flu?) she fails driver's ed, and we have to pay for her to take it again.

And many employers count sick days against you, while telling you not to come to work sick.

mamalang

I'm Sick of Sickness

Mammakaze — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:00:51 -0500

Okay, I admit it. I have succumbed to the panic about a possible flu pandemic. As a mom to a kid with an underlying illness (asthma) it scares the bejeezus out of me. But I'm lucky as I work at home. And when my kid is sick, I am able to care for her.

I totally feel for all the moms who aren't able to do that. It's always been tough on them, having to choose between work and their kids. And I know for a fact that many working moms have dosed up their kids on medications and sent them to school because they have no alternative.

Well, folks, we're about to hit the PEREFECT STORM this fall. Because with the recession, working parents are more wary than ever about missing work for fear they will be next on the chopping block. Combine that with the FLU season we keep getting warned about... well, I think a lot of kids with H1N1 are going to be coming to school despite their illness. Which means more kids will be getting sick.

Again, I understand the dilemma of working parents. If you lose your job, there's no insurance for doctor visits and prescriptions.

No parent wants to their sick kid going to school. But some feel they have no choice.

I'm bracing myself for this fall. And I'm hoping for the best. It's really the best I can do.

www.mammakaze.com

Unrealistic guidelines

mstaz1112 — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 08:44:16 -0500

My daughter's school made it known at parents night that they are wanting kids to stay home while they have a fever plus 24 hrs after the fever breaks. Also, stern warnings about DO NOT SEND YOUR KID TO SCHOOL DRUGGED UP WITH TYLENOL IF THEY HAVE A FEVER. Since many of the moms stay home, I'm sure this is inconvienent but possible. I work full time and am running out of days. My husband's company has banned them from taking days off until at least November. So if my kid gets sick, I'm screwed.

My blog: Toast on the Ceiling http://toastontheceiling.blogspot.com

Good on you

Wilma Ham — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:58:06 -0500

Good on you, you have enough on your plate and you don't need to beat yourself up about wanting it to be another way. You take care of yoruself and be gentle on yourself as well and know that you do the best you can in the given circumstances.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Thanks

kelleyschultz68 — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:58:21 -0500

Thanks for your comment as it helps me validate that I am not a 'cry baby' for complaining about the commute! It does get tough/complicated and is very taxing....the balancing is hard as both my husband and work full time. I pray some day my situation will change and the commute will be a thing of the past!!!!

Bring on the easy dinners!!!!!

I have little experience

Wilma Ham — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:20:07 -0500

Thank goodness i have little experience with commuting as a mom. When I did I had no children and when I did I had a husband at home picking up the kids and making dinner.
It must be really hard and taxing, to be stuck with things to do and places to go.

Easy dinners are a good way to keep you sane and I would go for those too in your situation.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

I think he is right

Capital Mom — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 17:51:35 -0500

I think he is absolutely right.

As a new employee I was completely sucked in by my employer's promotion of "work-life balance", but the longer I have been around the more I know that such a thing is impossible. Correction, it is possible if you want to remain at the bottom of the ladder. Once you get into senior positions or management there is no way you can have a healthy, active family life and still preform the duties that are expected of you. Management works long hours and is expected to be on call any time of day on their Blackberry. The levels of stress I have seen among managers is insane.

I had always wanted to go into management and when I got back from my first maternity leave I was promoted into a management position. What a mistake! The hours, the stress and the irrational demands took a huge toll on me (I was pregnant again at the time) and on my family. I felt guilty all the time because after work I was too exhausted to spend any quality time with my husband or daughter.

At a certain point you do have to decide if your main focus is work or family. I don't think you can do both well. I know very few women in management positions with young kids. The women I do know that have reached senior management either don't have children or have adult children. It took me a long time to realize that while my employer talks about "work-life balance" it doesn't apply to those at the top.

I think this is an issue for all parents not just women. Fathers as well as mother have to decide what their focus is going to be. My husband has also chosen to put his family before his career and so, while he will have a "nice career", he isn't reaching for the top. I'm not anymore either.

Capital Mom

http://capitalmom.blogspot.com/

Drawing the line

NiamhG — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 13:05:38 -0500

Isn't the problem also that we associate success with wealth? There is so much pressure to buy houses, own clothes in greater and greater quantities that we end up working and working just to have them. This creates the kind of world where someone like Welch can make these comments and have parts of the business-world agree with him!

And like masadutoit above, where are the men in this dialogue? Kids need both their parents plus plenty of the dads I know would love the option to take paternity leave if they could. We've come a long way but there is so much further to travel...

writer on the way home