BlogHer - church - Comments

I'm just not sure I believe

BeautifulWreck — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:47:36 -0500

I'm just not sure I believe in the organizations of man right now.

I so agree with this statement. I really related to your post as well. I am feeling very disconnected in the present church we attend. I currently have some commitments to the church that are coming to an end, and when they do, I believe I will be "dating" different churches to see if I can find a better fit.

Kim

Beautiful Wreck

http://lotsoflaundry.blogspot.com/

A thought...

AJacobsen — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:08:13 -0500

My first thought when I read your post was the scripture in James chapter 1, verse 5 that says "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." (KJV)

If you are torn, pray and ask God what you should do, which church you should attend, etc. Pray in faith believing, and you'll get your answer. Pray with patience for the time when God deems right to answer your prayers, even if it takes longer than you think you can wait. The end result will be perfection, as we know God's timing is always perfect!

I'll be praying for you too!

I agree with...

LisaBrandos — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 14:55:18 -0500

Monica. You've got to keep trying, but your job is to teach her at home. We "dated" a lot of different churches too. Finally we found one that taught the Bible (not a psychology lesson with Scripture), where we were welcomed and REMEMBERED week after week. I wouldn't focus so much on denomination and tenets, and focus more on what is being taught and how the church treats its members.

I write about faith and church too, amongst many other ramblings. Check out my blog.

I can so relate.

LucindaA — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 09:51:41 -0500

I was also raised ELCA Lutheran. I have also had a hard time finding a church I love. And I can relate to the dreaded rockk-n-roll church. I considered the UU church but just couldn't do it. I'm not sure why other than it was a little too different for me. I also considered home-schooling religion for our kids. I felt like I didn't like the message they were getting at the church we are currently attending.

But ultimately, it was really the people that kept us at this church, especially for my husband who didn't grow up going to church. Being in a small town, we know a lot of the people who attend that church and it feels like family even if I don't always agree with what comes from the pulpit, and the music can make me crazy.

So ironically, we get fellowship and friendship from our church but I can't say I get the nurturing of faith. At least not for me. However, I have faith that God is working on this church and on me despite my frustrations. And I'm having good conversations with my kids about church and God because of this experience.

We are in the same boat...

sandhillsis — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:02:38 -0500

we attend a lot of different churches (my husband is a musician and often goes as a guest musician) So far we haven't found one church that is exactly what we want to convey to our children. We do really like one tiny country church, though.

In the mean time, we have family Biblestudy at home, teaching the importance of a personal relationship with God through Jesus (not religion--or the act of going to church for show--cause it's the 'right thing to do')

We feel if we can show them how to love their neighbor and teach them how to have a relationship with God, while exposing them to different worship styles, and giving to many different hands and feet in the body-what's not to love.

After reading "The Shack" I'm learning to show myself grace, like God does. I hope you won't beat yourself up for not fitting perfectly into a church mold. I think there is lots of ways to do this right.

Sandhill Sis

www.reclaimsimplicity.com

Discover how rich and hilarious life can be when it's simple. Tales and tips on making money mind, riding the recycle, simple food, homegrown music, gardening and more.

my opinion on church

monicabrandywine — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 08:06:03 -0500

The church community is full of sinners, to be sure. I know many times I've been hurt or misunderstood by the people I fellowship with. Not fun. But we keep attending and helping out. My kids have so many friends there, my husband and I have lots of friends there too. Sometimes you have to forgive and let go. Iron sharpens iron. (And don't depend on the Church to teach the Bible to your girl, that's the job of mom and dad, Sunday School is just a suppliment.)

Monica

Just my thoughts

Erin Hattaway — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 19:47:22 -0500

I think that if you are teaching your daughter the religious values closest to your heart, and keeping your own heart and mind open, you will do an amazing job. You can help her know the Truth that you know, but stay open to the possibility that it can be added to one day when and if you find the right congregation/faith organization for you. Also, don't worry too much about the imperfection of the people in the different churches you've attended. I think that part of a faith community is about learning to forgive blatent wrongdoings, selfishness, and shortcomings, even in leadership. It's something that has taken me a long time to learn.

But most of all, listen to yourself. If there is a nagging feeling deep inside that says, "This place does more harm than good," move on and keep looking. You'll find your place to be, and in the meantime you are so right. You have every right to pray and read and teach your children, and you are just as qualified as any other person, if not more so. Just 'cause you're the Mom.

Erin Hattaway
Little Kite Girl

I suspect you're teaching her already.

She Who — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 14:31:22 -0500

But churches fulfill a lot of functions. You may look for a church home for inspiration, and to discuss the topics of eternal truths. You may look to a church for religious education and tradition, particularly for your children. You may look to a church for fellowship and support, and for the social aspects of belonging to a community.

Ideally, a church meets all those needs for you, but life very seldom gives us the ideal. Probably there will be some compromising involved, and if you know which things you're willing to compromise on, it'll make your search easier.

I'm not quite sure why you haven't followed your friends' recommendation to try a UU church, which is generally supportive of people defining their own paths. Just from this, that would be my suggestion, too.

But I'm sure your approach with your daughter will teach her love...and I agree that trumps the clanging cymbals. ;)

Same, but different.

kdg — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 13:53:02 -0500

I am struggling with this in a different way. While I have beliefs and quite a bit of background about the Bible and religious teachings, I haven't felt like church is the best way to express/explore/celebrate/question these beliefs. Therefore it seems hypocritical to take my kids to church...even though that is where I gained a lot of the spiritual information I have. I haven't baptized my kids yet, wanting them to make some of these choices, but yet they don't have much to go on. I would like to perhaps "homeschool" these beliefs, but I am struggling with my ability to make this relevant and meaningful for them. I believe that we are closest to God when we connect selflessly with others, not from an artificial construct, but the church (along with coursework, literature, art, etc..) gave me much of the information that led me to that belief. Am I overthinking this?

I've Been in the Very Same Position

SCanon — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 12:37:27 -0500

Dating different churches, attacked by the welcoming people grabbing me and asking if this is my first time at their church, pastors speaking conservative views, and the whole marketing thing. I, too, want to expose my son to my beliefs and my faith, but I worry that I would not be able to embed those values in him the same way a community of people might. I grew up going to church and I know that it's those beginnings that set the tone for my values and views. Can I emulate the same thing for my son on my own? I don't know.

Hang in there, friend. We

piefgirl30 — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:58:31 -0600

Hang in there, friend. We all have to make the choice to either find our identity in ministry or Jesus...I pray that you will embrace what God has given to you--to be involved in the lives of students and minister with your husband. Enjoy this time, and for those who don't understand life in the ministry public eye--it's just that. They don't understand. I'd encourage you to reach out to other youth pastor's wives in your area, or at least search out some online community...but my closest friends here are those of different churches. We "get" each other that's for sure:) www.marriedtoayouthpastor.com is a good one---

Have you ever attended the Simply Youth ministry conference? There's an entire 8 hour class for the spouses of youth ministers-_SO HELPFUL!!!

Hope I can help

mferguson — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 23:44:44 -0600

I don't know if you still check this blog, but I stumbled upon this and had to respond...I'm not much further down the road than you are. My husband is preparing to be liscensed by our organization but we've been involved in church leadership ever since we left Bible College (seminary) 7 years ago...

From your writing, you sound like you are a lot of fun and full of life! That's probably why you enjoy youth ministry so much...more than likely, the kids find you exciting and interesting. This is what all Pastor's and parents want for their youth: that they will find a role model in the church that will not only appeal to their youth but wll also set a good example. If I had to guess, that's probably where most of your pressure is coming from: you can feel the disappointment of the older people and that you're not measuring up to their expectations.

I don't usually offer unsolicited advice, but you did ask for it, so here goes: Stick to your guns about not changing your convictions to simply please others. You're right on track...our convictions should be shaped by the Word of God and the speaking of the Holy Spirit in our lives. That being said, I would also encourage you to make these areas a matter of sincere prayer and Bible study. Ask yourself if these activities that you mentioned are edifying to your spirit. Would the Holy Spirit be pleased? Be ready for answers that you don't like. More often than not, the Holy Spirit calls us to a life of holiness and separation that can seem difficult to our carnal natures. You must determine within yourself that you will be obedient to His voice no matter what He says. That's really what it comes down to...not what someone else thinks.

I would also encourage you to show some grace towards those that you feel have a condemning attitude towards you. As you said yourself, if your youth pastor's wife had stumbled when you were apart of the youth group it would have hurt you tremendously. These older, sometimes wiser, saints are just trying to help. They've been on this road a little longer and their convictions may not have been simply handed down to them; they might be the result of hard fought battles where their flesh was crucified in a very violent and bloody way. It's hard for them to understand how someone in your position doesn't have the same convictions. They may see the root cause of some of these seemingly "little" things and they fear where they will take you.

My dear, I understand your struggle to balance the public you and being yourself. I, too, struggle with the same question of which "me" to be. I want to be honest in the presentation of who I am, but yet I want people to continue to respect me and accept my leadership...where is that line??? I can't say that I've got all the answers, but I do have the assurance that God doesn't call the equipped...He equips the called. I know that my husband and I are called and my role is to trust Him to lead me and help me to make the right decisions. I just have to trust Him.

I would also like to encourage you to listen to and read books by Nancy Leigh Demoss. She has helped me tremendously in my walk with God. She has a very balanced yet spirit led approach to everything she does.

I hope this helps. If you love the ministry as you say you do, I know you'll be just fine...I'll be praying for you.

Misti

I often describe my life as a tragicomedy ;)

lauriewrites — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:26:10 -0500

So that explains the light spots in the heavy stuff. I'd be unbearable to myself and the rest of humanity without them.

I'm having visions of translating Buddhist koans into LOLspeak and I'm trying to resist. ;)

Laurie

I almost bought that book once.

lauriewrites — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:21:54 -0500

I'll have to poke around for it on Amazon. I went to a Marianist university for graduate school and have a fondness for Mary stories.

I love the term "holy space."

Laurie

Thanks, Mata...

lauriewrites — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:19:38 -0500

I love that I'm comfortable enough to see the good while I still decide what's no longer right for me. And that ability is really a testament to the faith and goodness i was raised with from the people in my life. That's what helps me keep those good feelings, I know.

Laurie