BlogHer - Childcare - Comments

SAME IN THE UK

BETTYG — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:08:38 -0500

I live in London, and we have the same issues. Next week my kids will be out of school for half term. What to do? Luckily, I work from home. But it will really limit the amount of work I get done.

The after school program is fair. But it's in a church about 1/4 mile from school. The child care workers pick them up at school, and then walk them to the church. The thing is, I usually run into them as they're walking to school to pick up the kids. The majority of them are not well dressed and smoking. It just doesn't instill a lot of confidence. So the question remains. What to do? Unfortunately, I don't have the answer. BettyG

I'm in Australia so the

jaycee — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:27:35 -0500

I'm in Australia so the options are probably different here. My son goes to after school care at the school and they also offer vacation care for nearly all of the holidays so it works out pretty well for us. We've got our summer holidays coming up at the end of the year and I've just asked for and had approved a 6 week break from work (I'm due holidays and long service leave).

This is only an option while he's in primary school. Once he's in high school (around 13) then that option is over so I'm gonna have to rely on friends and hope like hell he's a responsible 13 year old.

Jen at Semantically driven

Some ideas

Beverly Flaxington — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:58:29 -0500

I have three children, 13 down to 6 and have worked all throughout so we've been through many, many iterations of this problem. It isn't easy and it actually does seem to get harder as they get older. I feel like my 13 year old needs constant supervision -- so much for the dream of having her watch the younger two!

But, some ideas -- we found a wonderful woman who was with us for 5 years at our church. If you don't belong to one, you can inquire at the offices of churches or temples nearby if there are older folks who want something to do but don't need to be paid a lot. I've also definitely seen the barter idea and the "mother's helper" idea (tween/teens helping out with smaller children after school) work well in our neighborhood for other families. There are also some great online resources such as sittercity.com and babysittertime.com where we've had some great success -- summertime is really easy using these resources. Our current sitter is actually the mother of our former day care provider. I've just learned to talk with everyone about our desire to have someone reasonably, responsible and reliable -- the three R's!

Beverly Flaxington

Blog: Dealing with Difficult People

Book: Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets

Good ideas -- all.

Rita Arens — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 11:00:46 -0500

I'm particularly interested in what mesullivan26 said about waiting to have a second child to swing the childcare payments. Are other people doing this?

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.

Summer Weeklong programs

Elana Centor — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 08:40:22 -0500

Okay, so its been a decade or two since I dealt with this issue but I did have to deal with it and in Minneapolis the community ed program offers weeklong summer programs for kids, so do the Y's and our parks and recreations department also had programs ( not sure what the situation is since budget cuts)

My son really loved the week long sessions at the Y..they had great hours and took them on field trips... Good luck with that.

elana Blogher Contributing Editor,Business&CareersFunnyBusiness

have you considered

j.c. — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 23:30:48 -0500

have you considered bartering for a lower rate...doin laundry, volunteering your professional skills for a day, filing, organizing a storage shed, washing outdoor toys or bikes? there is always a task that a school needs help with. when i was a director i was open to bartering. there were many jobs that were worth the trade.

www.smilelaughordie.com

I feel your pain

mesullivan26 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:07:49 -0500

It's so difficult to find something that is reliable and affordable. We found an in-home person whom we love but if she gets sick or one of her kids get sick, we have to take the day off and can't really call it a sick day. Plus she lives about 40 minutes away from where we work. My daughter is only 15-months-old but I've already started worrying about what we will do when she is in school. The cost of a second child in daycare is part of the reason we are planning to wait to have another child.

Yikes!

amenopausalmom — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:58:25 -0500

It's tough! What do you do?! We have someone in the neighborhood that will take in kids periodically - no more than X number at a time, but it does help out in situations like this. But it's tough. Not only is it hard to find good providers, it's also quite expensive. Our teenagers without any experience, a car and etc are $10 per hour! We once paid $12 per hour a few times and she was one of the lowest priced teens in our neighborhood.

Wishing you luck on whatever you find - ask around, esp. other parents in the same situation whom you trust/like.

A Menopausal Mom

Snakes and Spiders Don't Scare Me. Getting Old Does.

BH09 Keynotes Rock

loriluna — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:52:39 -0500

Yes! We are pretty excited :-)

Excellent Keynotes

debontherocks — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 13:46:40 -0500

The keynotes are amazing women. I couldn't be more excited. So glad for Ilene Chaiken to be addressing us. She has great insight in how formerly marginalized entertainment topics or populations can have great crossover appeal, and how multi-platform entertainment can work best. Awesome!

Deb
www.debontherocks.com blog
www.3smartgirlz.com consulting

I'm lucky and I know it.

mamalang — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 12:00:52 -0500

Both of our mothers live close by, and both love to spend time with their grandkids. We established a "right of first refusal" policy from the beginning, as we were hiring babysitters and hurting their feelings. So now they know that we ask them first (and I try to alternate as much as possible...must be fair with the time, lol) and they have the right to say no. My children love the time they get at their grandmothers house, and I enjoy the occasional break knowing they are safe.

With my husband away this year, I've really seen how important this involvement in my kids life is to everyone.

mamalang

MiMi - The Anchor

Woman_In_The Midst_Raw — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 13:46:29 -0500

I am fortunate to be able to spend just about every day with my grandson, including all major holidays, including bdays, all of which take place at my home. My son - recently divorced and laid off - moved back home and shares "joint" custody with his ex-wife. It's supposed to be M-Th, one week and then M-F, the next and alternating holidays. My ex-daughter-in-law however is ever ready to drop her son off or call and say she's sick.. It matters not to us, our door as our hearts are always open to my grandson and like I tell my son as he sits and shakes his head trying to figure out why his ex wants as little interaction with her child as possible, I tell him, it's okay honey, it's the losers in life than make us the winners!

I know that as my son steadily looks for work and as my ex-daughter-in-law continues to make excuses as to why she can't pick her son up or spend time with him, I know that I stand as an anchor to my grandson, the one constant in his life, which he needs so much during this transitional time in his life..

Stressful situations, disability, and caregiving

Liz Henry — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 15:18:33 -0500

That sounds extremely stressful on everyone!

And it sounds like you did a lot of work to take care of everyone and keep the family going. First of all I want to say that and also, my best wishes for your daughter and her transplant.

From my perspective sometimes as a person with a disabilty, I have sometimes needed extra help or even caregiving for myself as well as my child. I did find it especially stressful to learn how to accept help and accept that I needed help. Especially in hospital situations, it is hard to maintain any feeling of control over the smallest bits of life, as well as the big aspects of life. So, that is a process, it involves anger and grief, and it takes time to deal with it with any grace. Like, years!

During my last difficult round of flare-up and impairment, my mom called me and assumed that she would be taking my child away for the entire summer to "help" me and she told me she was getting on a plane to fly out to "help" me. From my perspective this was not something I asked for or wanted and I was less than polite about how I felt. I wasn't asked - I was told, what would happen. I value my independence and the things I can do. (Especially during the times when I need help getting in and out of the bathtub, or whatever.) My mom and I love each other but we had a fight over it. I would have preferred to pay for extra child care, and part time help, and ask friends to bring me soup, order my groceries online, and have some infrastructure in my house like a bathtub rail. And that in fact is what I did, and I'm lucky to have had those options. I am 40 and would do *anything* to avoid as an adult woman to avoid moving in with my parents.

I think that dynamic would be especially difficult for a younger person just out of adolescence.

I hope those thoughts help you forgive a little, or to negotiate good boundaries with her.

Best,

Liz

-----------------
Liz Henry
lizzard@bookmaniac.net
http://liz-henry.blogspot.com

Oh, I am so lucky! My

cjcerezo — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:37:33 -0500

Oh, I am so lucky! My youngest son and his wife have honored me with the care of their son from the time he was about 2 months old. He is now 3 years, 3 months, and I watch him only one day per week. For his first two years, I was his "Granny Nanny" and wouldn't trade that precious time for anything in the world!

His baby sister is due in July, and I will be giving her the same loving care I gave her big brother. My greatest regret is that my middle son, his wife and three boys live too far away for me to have given them the same help.

Gran and Grandpa have lives. We travel (Europe this month) and enjoy our away time. But we also know that no one can give the love and care to our grandchildren that we can. Yes, I am paid a small amount, but only because I think it's important to acknowledge - on all sides - the contribution that I make to their family. I would do it for free if I could, but I do ask for gas money! Other than that, there isn't enough money to compensate ME or THEM for the love and care I can give. What greater joy is there for a Gran?

Cheryle
http://boomergran.blogspot.com

ungrateful children

trish45 — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 21:52:43 -0500

When my 21 year old daughter ended up in a Boston hospital with heart failure, I quit my job by phone from the hospital and I took care of my 6 month old grandaughter while visiting the hospital and my daughter in another state. I did this for 4 months and then took care of her and my grandaughter for another 2 months when she finally came home.

She has been absolutely horrible to me since she has somewhat recovered. She moved out of our house with the baby without telling me first. She got engaged and never mentioned it to me and she stopped talking to me for awhile. She said she had a difficult childhood and I needed therapy.

When she is upset with me, which is often, she tells me I am not her baby's mom. I can feel the anger coming off her toward me.

I have always dropped everything for her when she has needed me. Which has been often.

I am still there for her. She is on the heart transplant list. Number 1 as of yesterday.

I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive her for how she treated me. And still treats me. I hope she will grow up soon.

Just grateful she is alive.