BlogHer - dating - Comments

The Hunger

Osterizer — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:49:40 -0600

We talk about it all the time, there is a huge overlap in carnal hunger and stomach hunger. One time we had an amazing meal and all we wanted to do was continue to eat the pastry chef and other chef. I think of it more like foodies are sensuous people and one adds to the other rather than serves as a replacement. Maybe I am just hopeful that I will continue to have sex. I find it be the best way to finish off any meal, but I must admit, sometimes I just settle for dessert.

Here was an example of when our carnal hunger was stirred: http://uncouthgourmands.com/2009/04/14/how-bizarre-at-the-baazar/

You've gotta stop doing that!

Laracolvin — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:32:36 -0600

...reading my mind, that is! Just last night I made dinner for my daughter and roommates, and as I chopped and diced and tasted and simmered, I was mulling the explicit sensuality in the act, even though there was no holy chance in hell of the kind of culmination I was dreaming about. I think it's the convergence of the senses that enhances the similarities and makes food such a natural substitution for seduction. And - at least there is fire and steam somewhere. :)

Lara

Notions of Identity

It doesn't surprise me

clueless newlywed — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:45:39 -0600

Ya know...It doesn't surprise me that single people have less sex...Think about it...They have to really work to have sex. My single girl friends have to get dolled up, and hit a bar that has other attractive, single men. (Half the battle right there!) And even if they do find a bar with attractive, single men, they then have to make eye contact and flirt and all that. All married ladies have to do is turn to their partner and say, "Are you in the mood?"

The Clueless Newlywed, Nikki Flores

Ugh! How did we get into

avflox — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:35:45 -0600

Ugh! How did we get into this mess?

I need a follow up column next week about how to solve for this.

Coast-T0-Coast Fakeness

Bill Cammack — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:27:59 -0600

"In Los Angeles, the things that usually mean something elsewhere don't mean anything—until they're supposed to mean something. The problem with this is that no one really knows what the hell is real and what isn't, what means something and what doesn't, until our so-called movie is over and the critics have had their say."

I wrote about the NYC scene in "Games Without Frontiers (NYC Mercs)". Your words have reminded me to talk about the fakeness in NYC dating. There's a similar lack of meaning in everything that we do, because there's too much selection. There's no need to work anything out with anyone, because you can get someone just like them TODAY.

"Just like them" might mean the way they look, the way they act, how sexy they are or aren't.. There are so many people here that whatever traits you like in someone, you can find those in another 100 people if you try looking around. I just took a walk to the store, going six blocks, round-trip and saw three chicks that I would have kicked it with to some degree that I've never seen before and I'll never see again. C'est La Vie. So What? There's more where that came from.

If I lived in a different environment, I most likely would have kicked it to one or more of them or at least said "Good Morning", but I really wasn't interested because I'm going to see more chicks I like the next time I walk out the door and I have at least two parties to go to tonight where I'm going to be introduced to women anyway. This is a style of fakeness on its own. I liked them but I wasn't going to bother saying anything to them because they're expendable. The fakeness is not informing them that I'm into them and letting them make a decision on whether they want to become friends with me or not.

Another fomat of fakeness is how these people love to call themselves "going out" with someone and then a few months later, they're single again. I fakely act platonic with them until they get over their latest fad and then it's back to whatever we were doing before that, um.. unless she got out of shape since the last time I messed with her, haha :D

Anyway, there's tons of fakeness here and not much meaning that you can actually cling to. It's just not intelligent to take people's word for stuff. That guy comes along with the apartment and the car that the chick likes and all of a sudden her greetings go from kisses on the lips to BARELY hugging you and stretching her face as far to the side as possible so she doesn't mess up her "good thing". Down the line, they usually figure out that they sold their ass for an apartment and a car and get back down with the REAL program.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

What do you think?

avflox — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:25:51 -0600

What do you think?

Dating in LA

itsdifferent4girls — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 11:15:52 -0600

Thanks for the insight AV.

http://itsdifferent4girls.com/blog

International Women’s Lifestyle, Work & Empowerment by Linda Sherman

Outstanding post.

ldsconvert — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:14:05 -0500

Loved the post. Follow my similar expierience at..

www.a-second-try.blogspot.com

Thanks

Brandon

Coming Out or Not

goddessdreams — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:49:48 -0500

I may have no right to speak in this conversation--I prefer men. I've never been sexual with a woman. I have male and female friends of various sexual persuasions. One of my children is transgendered male to female and pre-op.

This post and the comments brought to mind my dear friend who passed away in 2006. She was by anyone's account a successful woman--a beloved clergymember respected by her colleagues, a published author, and social justice activitist. She was a gifted artist that created beauty from textiles and papers. This woman gave me safe space to express my heart's desire. She was one of the most open-hearted people I ever knew. She held hope for humanity and the world is poorer for her not being in it now.

In spite of all the wonderful traits she possessed, she could not find the compassion she needed to have for herself. It was on her death bed that she told me what she could not tell others--that she was bi-sexual. She lived her whole life without being able to openly express this heart of who she was. To me that is a deep tragedy. I ached for her.

How many others have been stuffed into dark corners and closets by intolerance, arrogance, and ignorance? We are all cut from the same cloth; it doesn't matter what pattern we take, what shape and color we are.

Don’t mind the destination, don’t mind the end. Learn from the past, but grab hold of now. Now is always evolving. ~Rumi

It shouldn't matter

orlapeters — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 10:35:38 -0500

In today's society it actually shouldn't matter what people's sexual preference is.

I work with gay people of both sexes. I'm fine with it. There are times when a gay female is very agressive and it becomes more than something I can brush off, but apart from that, I'm pretty much ok with it.

I know that the reality is far from where it all should be, but those are the conditions we have to live under. We just got to get on with things and do what we can.

Straight, Gay or Bi, it shouldn't make a difference. As long as we do what we're meant to do and respect other people's values, then it's ok in my book.

Orla

Product Launch Manager

Sometimes Men should go back where they came from! lol

naisi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:57:23 -0500

NAISI

I just read your post and I love it, just what I needed today!!! Okay, married almost 30 yrs and it seriously gets worse each yr not better. Not sure what romance is but hey it doesn't matter that I'm tired from dealing with everything including getting a new job, animals, kids, mother, in-laws etc. I'm still suppose to do all the "woman" things and then strut into that bedroom being the vixen!

All I would like is alittle romance, you know when he walks in the door he actually comes to find me and says, "hey Babe, love ya missed ya" and gives you a hug....nope don't get that goes outside to hang with the guys, makes fun of me doesn't help with any household chores cause he is now working more hours(yeah, I'm one the one with the bonbons on the couch all day...right...wouldn't know what a bonbon was if it bit me in the butt).

But come night-time I still suppose to want to ...do it!! NO hugs, cuddling not allowed etc etc....the caveman has emerged after all these yrs and truly tired of him.

I dream of running away from it all and find a man who at least realizes I have a brain, not too bad looking and can engage in real conversation....look for him to stare into my eyes and drool a little too...won't be that bad. Hey, actually bring me bonbons and a flower would be nice.

Men sometimes need to go back to Mars and stay there until they realize it's a priviledge to be able to be with us from Venus. They are so dense they don't realize that just a smile, a hug and a "I missed you". ...is really all it takes.

RE: Spooning ETC

LRM — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:31:17 -0500

Yes, I agree, every marriage develops its own set of rules (many you make up as you go)! But, for me, separate bathrooms would be a death sentence. Our new master bath has double sinks and that's about as much independence as I need. I shed. I smear toothpaste. I loathe refilling the q-tips. Lord help me if John ever decides he wants separate bathrooms.

http://www.StuffMarriedPeopleLike.com

Spooning ETC

Tina Lane — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 18:05:51 -0500

I don't think there in anything wrong with inventing your own rules for your cohabitation if it makes you a happier well rested couple. My hubby and I have agreed to keep seperate bathrooms, and that just isn't going to change.

www.floridagirlmidwest.blogspot.com

Age Differences

goddessdreams — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:07:19 -0500

Well, I may be the woman with the biggest age gap between myself and my partner. 30 years and I am 55. I can hear the shocked gasps. The fact that I'm polyamorous and my other partner is one year older is probably of little importance here, but I wanted to throw that out there in the interest of disclosure.

I had a hard and fast rule--I was never ever going to have a relationship with anyone younger than I, not even five years. I felt I would have nothing in common with a younger man and that all he could possibly want from me was sex, and umm..."weird" sex at that. I was full of ageist and socially indoctrinated predjudices. I had been with my partner of 11 years when I met this younger man. It began as a friendship with a lot of sassy flirting on his part and a lot of trying to deflect it on mine. Gradually, he began to challenge my beliefs about younger men. My own level of honesty with myself nagged me into examining what I thought I knew and I realized I was scared to death of having feelings for him. I was also afraid of the cougar label; worse I was afraid of becoming my worst nightmare--an old woman trying to hang on to youth through a young lover.

We have been together over a year now. We share many interests in common, and we learn from each other. I don't worry about what things will be like when I'm 65 and he's 35 or when i'm 70 and he's 40. Yes, we've talked about that reality. He is not flighty, unrealistic, or empty-headed. He is not rich. He's someone I share my spiritual path with on the deepest level, someone I relate to in ways I did not think possible with a partner. He challenges me to be true to myself at all times and he gets the same from me.

He has taken no small amount of grief from his peers and older people in his life who think there is something deeply wrong with wanting a romantic relationship with a woman my age. Because most of my friends are poly, I have taken somewhat less, but even within the poly community there is agism. We ignore it because frankly, it's none of their business.

Our relationship works because we are completely open and honest with each other. We share many interests and those we do not share, we are at least open to learning about. I've taught him about art, music, and goddess culture for instance. He has taught me about urban culture, music, and Manga. We respect one another. We trust each other. When things go awry we talk it through. There is a committment to always come to the table because we are more than lovers. We are partners and we are friends.

Don’t mind the destination, don’t mind the end. Learn from the past, but grab hold of now. Now is always evolving. ~Rumi

I met a guy when he was 22

cgr59 — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 18:20:05 -0500

I met a guy when he was 22 and I was 41. There was such chemistry right from the start. We would talk for hours and really enjoyed each other. We started having a physical relationship and it was amazing, the best I ever had, sadly enough. We saw each other for over a year and then I started dating someone older. We would talk online over the years and after 7 years, he contacted me again. Again, the chemistry was still there and we have been seeing each other for a few months. I didn't realize how much I missed him. It's been great. I am now 48 and he is 31 but age doesn't matter to either of us. He even introduced me to his Mom and his friends, something he wouldn't have done when he was 22. I see anything wrong with two people who care about each enjoying a relationship that seems to work.