BlogHer - anger management - Comments

LOL - Yes, Somedays I Really Don't Want To Cope

Gena Haskett — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:04:21 -0500

I'm not a good cusser. I'm more of a rant, cuss, ranter. I have been in the presence of those that have let it rip as they verbally assaulted another person. Not for the faint of heart.

There are a special few who can do it without using the 7 words you can't say on TV. Those folks are scary good at it.

You are right, it should only be used in the most extreme or provoking situation. The people who constantly cuss other people out for petty reasons generally have no power, language skills or self-esteem.

There are certain legendary contestants on reality TV shows that prove my point.

Baden Powell - hadn't thought of him for years. I think I read his biography when I was a kid. How the world has changed.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

Coloured pencils

kazari — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:43:33 -0500

When I'm angry, drawing a picture of how i feel (with lots of red and scribbles ) really, really helps. my favourite one lately was a small girled curled up in the corner of the page and a big scream trumpet saying 'I DON"T WANT TO COPE!!!' across the rest of the page. lots of red and black and yellow.

then i could look at it, and say, yes, that is how i feel, and put it away.

and about the cussing - it sounds like you're good at it! But I like the quote by Baden Powell (victorian guy who invented scouts) - i don't know it exactly but he says that cursing is such powerful stress relief that we should save it for the most stressful situations. this allows it to retain it's power, and also stops us inadvertently letting rip in front of an inappropriate audience...

Seaching For The Right Physical Activity

Gena Haskett — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:28:07 -0500

I do need to find something - in my fantasy it is boxing or learn how to become a ninja. That ain't gonna happen but I can visualize being victorious as I concur the forces of evil.

I do a lot of walking but I think you are right; there has to be a committed daily exercise to move the toxins out.

Stagnation, yeah I should be so lucky. I just know I'll be on the re-incarnation express because it does seem like it is taking way longer than it should for certain lessons to kick in.

Life is a process and a journey. I just want a better road map is all. I have spoken to the Head Deity in Charge about this often.

I can hear the laughter from here.
Gena - Out On The Stoop

A few responses

Candelaria Silva — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:28:50 -0500

I feel you and hear you and been you, well not you, but where you are.

Cussin' - sometimes we have to succumb to that urge. Carolyn Rodgers wrote poetry in the late 60s and 70s and she had a great political piece called "The Last Motherf..." If you've never read it, you must find it.

Lamaze breathing - I do deep breathing that I was taught in Lamaze classes many years ago to regulate my thoughts when I get too angry for my own good.

Walking - I've been committed to walking for some time - 2-3 times a week with 1 or 2 friends, 3-5 times a week by myself doing errands. I take diffierent routes. We sometimes catch the T and go to different places - like a garden, the waterfront, etc. It chills me out more than anything except dancing.

Books - I enjoyed a book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I read it more than 10 years ago I believe, but it struck a chord with me and has helped me since. I also read the prayers in Illuminata by Marianne Williamson a lot. They are calming.

Drafting - I draft a love of angry missives, 99% of which never see the light of day because writing it or saying it aloud helps me clear my head, heart and energy.

If you "were as enlightened as you wanted to be at this point in your life" there's be no more room for growth and taht stagnation would be worse.

Sometimes, you just got to get somone/some institution, told! (I wrote a piece on my blog called "The Missives are in the Air." Check it out when you've a moment.

I'll check out the video above. Thanks for the post.

http://blog.candelarisilva.com

http://examiner.com/x-2478-Boston-Domestic-Issues_Examiner

Good and plenty!

Internal Self-Defense for Kids - Yes A Wonderful Idea

Gena Haskett — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 17:49:34 -0500

I do like to find a positive outlet for anger by transforming it. There are times however when I go from zero to 60 and the mental brakes aren't working.

Not as many as when I was younger but I think I beat myself up more for being angry than the actual thing that flipped me off.

I like what you taught your nephew. Internal self-defense. A mighty weapon.

Thanks,

Gena - Out On The Stoop

One of the toughest lessons

Creatively Belle — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 08:18:37 -0500

When I was in the depths of grief I had to learn the lesson that one of the hardest things to do in life is to direct appropriate anger in the appropriate direction, in the appropriate way.

I'm still learning the lesson but at least now I'm aware of it.

At the time I was going through the anger stage of grief and wanting to snap at people in public. I got to thinking that the old tradition of wearing a black arm band to signify that you're in mourning made a heap of sense - then strangers wouldn't take it so personally when you did eat their heads.

Well this approach wasn't working. My solution was to see a grief counsellor to find a better way through. It worked. And it gave me longer lasting skills too. Now I get upset about things but I cool off faster and sooner. I have more balance. I also know what to compare the crap things in life to. So figuring out the small things or what I can't change is easier to let go.

It's all still a process but that's fine too, it means I'm human.

On a note about cussing, I taught my nephew how to come up with a string of insults for bullies at school who were ruining his self-esteem. He never said them to their faces but he did end up laughing about the nasty prats by coming up with ridiculous insults for them. My aim was to take their power away and, to a degree, that's what we did.

All the best,

Belinda

Free online jewelry competition with Creatively Belle designs at SheInspires

Great Earring Holders - great presents and no more messy jewelry tangles!

Most of us could use some anger management

Nordette — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 14:38:45 -0500

I think that most everyone needs therapy, which is similar to your site title. In fact, I believe people who are adamantly agains ttherapy and talking through problems with professionals are cowards. They're afraid to see themselves and also afraid to learn the truth about their own psyches.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Read it. Thanks. :-)

Nordette — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 14:36:26 -0500

Thank you, Candelaria, for letting me know. I hope others drop by and join the discussion. I left a comment for you on your post there. I'm not sure "Why are we so angry?" is the question as much as "Why don't we work to reolve our inner anger issues more?"

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Sanp, Crackle, Pop

Candelaria Silva — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 07:31:35 -0500

Hi, Nordette,

I've uploaded my post, Snap, Crackle, Pop about black women and anger. Please let me know what you think.

Candelaria

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Anger Management, and Amends

Therapy Doc — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:17:00 -0500

It's pretty scary when the police (we raise our kids to think they're our friends) are waving weapons at a school. And it's traumatizing for everyone. This one screams public apology.

therapydoc

at EveryoneNeedsTherapy

That's Just Scary..

jesskirk — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:00:10 -0500

Of all people who should know how to handle themselves...!! She doesn't deserve to hold the badge anymore. She should be fixing problems like that, not causing them.

Jess

<a href="http://justsugarnspice.blogspot.com">Sugar 'N Spice</a>

Wow, what a crazy situation.

Summerm — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 19:11:14 -0500

Wow, what a crazy situation. I hope Officer Terry does get some kind of help, she obviously needs it.

Summer

http://wiredfornoise.com

Drop by with those anger links, please

Nordette — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:02:22 -0500

Hi, Candelaria. I know when I was younger I had a temper to tame. I've mellowed with age but also with introspection.

I hope you'll drop by again and leave the link to your piece on young women who are quick to anger, and please let me know if you write that post on not sweating the small stuff. Everyday I run into people having fits about stuff that's barely a grain of sand in the big scheme of things.

Thank you.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.

Rage

Candelaria Silva — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:23:42 -0500

There are a lot of people walking around with anger and uncontrolled tempers. When those people are also police officers, it gets very scary. Living in Boston, I have seen people say and do some crazy things in traffic or to beat each other to the next red light.

I mostly use public transporation now and even there - I have my radar on: is that group of teens just being annoyingly loud or are they getting ready to start some drama; is that gentleman talking to someone on a cellphone ear-thingee or hearing voices; did that woman not appreciate my looking at her child?

Wow! Once we walk out the door, we really don't know what we'll land in. I tend to plan when to be out of the house and when not to be and I'm always surveying the terrain 'cause you just don't know what can set some one off.

I'm working on a blog piece about how to keep small things small. I also wrote a piece on how quickly some young women I've observed, go to anger. They go from 0 to 100 in no time flat!

Peace.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

Scary situations for you, Jill

Nordette — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:48:41 -0500

Jill, you've had some traumatic experiences related to violence. I'm glad you're safe now and such a strong person.

Wouldn't you think she'd be trained in how to handle exactly these situations in a non-violent or threatening way?

She probably was trained for stressful situations, but it seems she has some personal problems that training just won't solve. I'm wondering how she passed the psychological to get on the force, assuming they still give those.

Until moving back home, I'd been living in suburbs with highly organized school volunteers, so I didn't experience rude drivers just long waits. However, while covering education in New Jersey, school parking lot issues and traffic troubles around schools seemed to be on the agenda regularly. Police would sit at one school just to make their ticket quota. :-)

Rude drivers throw me off in regular driving, however. There are people who get enraged over something as simple as you switched lanes even if you've used your signals early enough and done everything properly. I think some drivers blame the other driver for startling them instead of owning that they should pay attention while driving. I've noticed the ones who get the angriest were speeding already generally.

Thank you for commenting and for sharing your experiences. That man at the car would've unnerved me for days and the mugging for far longer.

Nordette is a Contributing Editor with BlogHer.com whose personal blog is hosted on another site at this link.