BlogHer - parenting - Comments

Pride of being a man

Fred00 — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 11:03:26 -0600

Why is it that women on the most part can see and understand the possibilities of a youngster being given opportunities to learn as from being given a doll, or given things of the opposite sex - female, to use these opportunities to 'use' and to 'learn' from? That there is no fear of what may happen to a boy, to his phsyic, or his mentality, or his gender? But men on the other hand, seem to be afraid, or are gun-ho in trying to 'make' the boy a he-man by giving him guns, trucks, baseball bats, etc., instead of letting the child decide somewhat what he wants to play with, or having the child be open to girls things? Women seem to have an intuitive mind, and seem not to be so fearful of 'what a child may become', instead of men being fear of what a child has 'become'! Maybe it comes down to, that a man is too proud of being a male (though nothing initially wrong with that), but it overbears the child and his feelings to a point where the child is not allowed to feel any emotions. He is not allowed to cry (Men do not cry), is not soft and tender, cannot express love, is not considerate of others and mainly the so-called weaker-sex, females. I think myself, that a real man knows these things. These though, are usually taught by the mother!

William's Doll

Lisen Stromberg — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 22:18:02 -0600

There is a wonderful children's book about a young boy who wants a doll. His father is resistant and his brother teases him but his grandmother understands . She buys him a doll so he can practice being a father. The book is called William's Doll by Charlotte Zolotow. It's a classic.

"The first problem for all of us, women and men, is not to learn but to unlearn." - Gloria Steinem

Lisen Stromberg

It gets more difficult!

Beverly Flaxington — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:48:06 -0600

Once they start texting, IMing and going online, it gets so much more difficult to oversee and manage. My 13 year old daughter has received threatening messages from "friends" and I've seen many situations where other children (girls especially) have to deal with the cyber-bullying. It's hard to go to school and not even know who is out to get you! And, of course, it is easy to punish someone when all you have to do is press "Send". On the note of younger children, the counselor at my youngest daughter's school last year (in Kindergarten) told me she was having to start younger and younger to teach them to be kind to one another. She said the bullying and gossiping used to start in 4th or 5th grade, but now it is the littlest children.

What did I do? In both cases, all I can do is try and explain to my kids that bullies are looking for attention. I try and teach them that "kill with kindness" is generally the best approach. Do they listen? Who knows!

Beverly Flaxington

Blog: Dealing with Difficult People

Book: Understanding Other People: The Five Secrets

A boy who liked girls toys and didn't know what gender was

Fred00 — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:29:05 -0600

I notice I may be the only male here on this website. But I found the articles very interesting and found the things comparable to my own life as a child and now as an adult. One of the earliest experiences I had when I was young, was of being given a doll. I do not know who it was that gave this to me, other than it was a neighbor. We were living in New York City on the east side. I was happy in receiving this gift. My mother did not seem to mind at all. In fact, said I could take it with us when we went out to the store. We wrapped it up, so that it wouldn't get cold. Then we went to the green-grocer. My mother said, while she was looking for vegetables, I could look for a box suitable for to put the doll in as a bed. I found one. An old orange box. It fit perfectly. We then went home. My Dad came home and saw the doll. He took it away and said I shouldn't have that. That was the last I saw of it!!! I had lost my gift! I didn't know why!

I do not see all the problem of trying to either be a man or trying to be a woman. Women, these days can wear either women's clothing or men's. Society does not bat an eye when they do this. But with men, it is looked down on, when a man wants to wear a skirt, or have a handbag, or even wear a pink shirt. Why?? I am so glad to see women here on this website who are open-minded. By the way, I am still young at heart, and still act much like a kid. (I hope I never lose this!), and I still do not see any gender differences. I appreciate when boys can wear girls clothing, or be able to play with girls toys. Thank you parents or mothers who are open-minded like this. I wish I could know you personally as friends. It would fill the void in my heart of the times and of the things I missed when I was growing up!

lovelylocks

notUrtypicalGma — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 22:06:45 -0600

all of my daughters are blessed with beautiful hair, when they were born there was a concern as to what kind of hair they would have since their father is half african american and half native american. would they be born with the "good" hair or would they have these tight little curls or a wooly mass that i would braid into distinct little hairstyles know in the black culture. well they have "good" hair and my oldest has my curly do, my middle straight, and my youngest has the thickest hair ever that we cut after her championship football game. i did not want to cut it until after that game and i was adamant about that because i wanted everyone to know she was the only girl on the team by her thick long braid peeking outta her helmet. after the game the first thing she asked was "are we cutting my hair?" and i did and it is sitting on my friends armoire ready to be sealed in an envelope to donate to locks of love. so now the cycle will begin again and i will have her grow her hair out again so that she can donate it next year at this time. i think this is a special thing for kids to do.

aside from that my kids have had long hair, short hair everything in between. and so have i sporting a pixie at 2, a wedge at 8 and again at 21, and a bob, and a boycut that i teased high, and all those locks in between, i wear my hair long now and i color it every two weeks because of the grey. my hair is my best feature, and right now i like it long who knows in a year or two i might want it short. and my girls? whatever makes them feel confident and beautiful if its a mohawk or rapunzel locks so be it, because they can.

Short hair is more work for adults, hadn't thought about bedhead

Rita Arens — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:02:30 -0600

As my family and daycare workers will attest, I have WICKED bedhead in the morning. My very short hair sticks straight up and even though it's fine, it won't behave until it's washed. I used to worry what the daycare teachers would think on the days I work from home, but I finally decided screw it. A headband and spiky bedhead is what they see every Friday.

I hadn't thought about dealing with bedhead on a little kid. That alone makes me glad my daughter's hair is still long. We wash it at night, she sleeps with it wet, and she wakes up looking totally normal. So jealous.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.

Of all of the things to exert control over.

ameliasprout — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:11:01 -0600

Hair just isn't worth the battle. If a kid wants to rebel, let them do it with their hair. It is for the most part, harmless.

I had a mohawk when I was 12, I cut it myself, crooked. After my mom got annoyed with it being off kilter, she started doing it for me. Sort of took the fun out of doing it, but it looked better. Within reason, and age appropriate, M can do anything she wants with her hair. I can't wait to see what she comes up with.

The Saga Continues

Lisen Stromberg — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:02:18 -0600

All the good advice, the pros and cons, the hashing and haranguing, will do our family no good. We can't even get the vaccine around here for at least another month according to our doctor. This only means I have more time to consider and decide what is right for us. In the meantime, I came across this hilarious video you might want to share with your younger children. My new favorite mensch is Dr. Seibert.

http://inr.mediaseed.tv/CignaH1N1_37059/.

Stay healthy.

"The first problem for all of us, women and men, is not to learn but to unlearn." - Gloria Steinem

Lisen

Uma Thurman Speaks About Motherhood

sapci — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:30:53 -0600

Here is the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4x2zLO9y2o

She wants it? She gets it!

prbylisa — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 09:23:03 -0600

I'm with you...if she likes it that way, and she helps to keep it up, why not let her control it herself! My daughter is 2 1/2 and has her hair almost to her waist with bangs (we had to cut the bangs, her hair was ALWAYS in her face.) We trim it, we cut it to her shoulders last winter, but she likes having her long hair and having it braided and pigtailed. Her daddy LOVES her hair and really so do I...but if she wants to cut it, I'll do that too. She is adorable anyway her hair is.

On the flip side, my dad controlled my hair length...going as far as to measure it before I went for a trim to make sure I didn't cut off more than 2 inches. As soon as I turned 18, I cut my hair to my chin. Now, I cut it short and grow it out often through the year. Personally I find my shorter hair easier to do and more stylish than simply having it in a ponytail day after day.

PR by Lisa

www.insidelisa.blogspot.com

Toilet Test!

Zanre5 — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 07:01:47 -0600

I discovered the toilet test when potty training my third child, only I discovered it for myself! When potty training my son, I discovered my long hair would fall into the toilet (gross huh!) and told my stylist that I had to cut it short enough to pass the potty training test. I have recently finished potty training #5. Perhaps I can let it grow longer now!

As for my daughters, it did break my heart when my oldest daughter wanted short hair at around age 4. My current 3 year old has very long and beautiful curly hair. I keep telling her that it is so beautiful as to encourage her to let it grow. It hasn't failed the toilet test yet. When the time comes that she truly begins to assert her own opinion, I will allow her to do as she wishes. But as long as her decision is being influenced by others, it might as well be influenced by me. I don't have opinions that women have to have long hair, etc. but let's face it, it is way easier to cut your daughters hair when she is ready than to give her long hair when she decides she wants it.

Side note, daughter number 3 (age 2 1/2) is also sporting the toddler mullet. It is amazing how different each girl's hair can be as it grows in when determining the age old question "to cut bangs or not to cut bangs".

As long as she brushes it..........

Molly70 — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:35:35 -0600

My oldest daughter (age 7) has exactly the kind of hair I always wanted as a child: long and straight but also voluminous and not too curly. Not super mousy straight either. I always tried to grow my hair long, but since it's too curly, it would just puff itself out and make my head look like a pyramid. So I'm more than happy to let her keep it long. HOWEVER, she doesn't do a good job brushing it, so we have a daily morning battle in which she wants to do her own ponytails (one on each side) and I always re-do it because I can't stand to see it done shabbily, messily. She hates it, but I can't bear to let her go to school that way, I'm sorry. It seems like all the other little girls have decently brushed hair.... How do those other moms manage to get THEIR ponytails done decently?!!??! sorry to sound bitchy!

Fun topic!

gmcnulty — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 21:04:03 -0600

Great Topic! I have 3.5 year old quadruplets (one boy and three girls). I love my girls long hair and so do they! One of my girls has very fine sllloooowww growing hair and she is DYING for it to grow out too. The only thing I can't stand is when it's in their faces.. I LOVE to see their sweet little eyes and smiles. SO, when we are home, they can wear it however they want. BUT, when we go out to play, it's a different story. If they don't let me fix it... they don't get to go. Period. It works for us. They have freedom at home but know that "on the go" it has to be out of their faces. As for me, well.. my mom was very much the same way with us growing up. So I guess I know where I get my feelings on hair from. As an adult (and an athlete) I can't stand to have it in my face. So, long hair works better for me. However, I love to change it up and will chop it off once a year. It makes me feel like a new person. ANYWAY! What I guess I'm saying is... I love my little girls hair long as LONG AS it looks clean. When they get older they can decide for themselves. Loved the topic so I thought I'd share my 2cents!

Gen McNulty www.mcnultyquads.com

I wrote about my daughter's hair last month

Yvonne — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:14:40 -0600

I've become attached to it, because of what it represents.

http://www.joyunexpected.com/archives/2009/10/hair_a_love_sto.php

Don't know how I'll be able to cut it off if she ever asks me to.

Short hair trauma

hobomama — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:39:10 -0600

My mom was a self-professed tomboy. She had long hair for a few years when that was the thing in the late '60s-early '70s but cut it off as soon as my older brother was old enough to pull on it. So I've only ever known her with short hair.

When I was 4, she asked if I wanted my hair cut. Of course! I sat down, she snipped away, I ran to the mirror...and burst into tears. And then I began to grow it back out, and the next time I got my hair cut was when I was 12 or so, again at my mom's urging but with fewer tears this time.

I agree with all the comments that long hair is just easier. I've had my hair long ever since my baby was born, and my mom's always on me to cut it. ("You look so nice in a bob!") I really do like my hair short as well (but not in a bob, fyi), but you know what, it's my hair.