BlogHer - motherhood - Comments

On the fence and scared

jpolk1 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:26:44 -0600

Had my first very young, and have been through single motherhood. Now married to phenomenal man who, surprise surprise wants us to have kids together. Ok. I knew this going into our marriage. Sometimes I'm really excited about it, and sometimes I'm scared out of pumps! There are days when I look at him and think about how much love our family has to offer a child and how much I miss my daughter, now 10, being a baby. There are a lot more days where I'm exhausted from work, tired of juggling and cannot imagine adding another child, no less an infant, to the mix.

Great post and blog

prophetlady — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:08:58 -0500

I use to feel that way too, because I was a workaholic, twelve hour days and two jobs going at the same time. I also was being highly abused online that I am lazy for being home, this began the cycle again of believing I was in the wrong for wanting to provide the care for my daughter. After much discussion with my husband we knew we made the right choice.

I now feel more comfortable being at home, and making an income freelancing then I ever did when working outside of the house. That does not mean I am lazy, or miss socializing at the office with the girls!

Great and honest blog and share,

Dawn

Out of Africa - Parts I and II

therovingstove — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:48:48 -0500

Please also read parts I and II on my blog for the full story!!

http://jewelsfromtherovingstove.blogspot.com/

Julie Anne 'Jewels' Rhodes

http://www.therovingstove.com/

I don't believe in guilt

Denise — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:36:08 -0500

Every now and then it tries to sneak into my life but I'm very quick to shut it down. Life is too short and too busy to saddle myself with guilt. :-)

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings

Heaven's no! You aren't alone!

yoktom — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:06:39 -0500

It's funny how as moms we always think we are the ONLY ONE out there that feels like we are alone, or overwhelmed, or that we just can't take it anymore! That's why support groups and places like this are so vital to the survival of "you" in motherhood. I guess that's why the topic is so highly requested by women's groups when I speak.

My suggestion - find a five minute time out spot. Sometimes five minutes is all it takes. I call it five minutes in the freezer at my house - Five minutes is sometimes all we can get, but it's a very important five minutes.

For the record, luckily none of the keys on my laptop are missing, however, I am on my third wireless transmitter for my mouse...

Tamara Hancock
www.wahpm.com
Work AT Home Professional Mom
www.widowsofwarcraft.com
(self explanatory :)
www.yoktom.blogspot.com
Diary of A Stay At Home Mom

Crazy you know what

Jill Miller Zimon — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 22:26:26 -0500

Have people who sell stuff for profit ever been more desperate than they are right now, just trying to tag and label whatever they can in as sensationalistic a way as possible? Instead of realizing how narrative does it all - not name-calling or coming up with names to call people because those names will get us talking about...those names?

Ugh.

When I was working with a group called Meet the Bloggers, let me tell you something - people worried when it was my turn to ask a question because they knew it was likely to be something that was going to lead to something. And yet I never asked anything in a provocative gotcha gotta label ya gotta have something to write about style. I asked now governor Ted Strickland about casinos during a 2006 primary debate. People in Ohio can still refer back to that and see exactly how and why he said what he said then and how he's totally hung his own noose on that issue. But people gasped when I asked - because it was supposed to be taboo. Who knew?

Jim Traficant and his anti-Semitism and anti-AIPAC stance? Big deal Greta. I helped interview Capri Cafaro who was very much involved in the conviction of Traficant (she got immunity and testified against her father) and nearly reduced her to tears. How? By asking a very simple question: what did it feel like to do what she did - all of it, from her actions to her immunity deal? People still talk about that moment.

Nurturing and maternal? Whatev.

No, not whatev. What a shame that that's how media coverage of the media goes.

Jill Writes Like She Talks

Am starting to have this problem

genoubug — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 14:25:43 -0500

I'm 29 but I'd have to say that since I was 27 I started wanting to tone down my wardrobe since giving birth to my son (gave birth at 25). I had to go to our first pre-school "back to school" night at the Montessori school my son will be attending and I was lucky to find some toned down, yet trendy but still conservative enough wear from both Anthropologie and American Apparel. Anthropologie actually had black "skinny jeans" (not exactly jeans, but not leggings either... still a rather thick, forgiving fabric) that fit me and I haven't found pants to fit me since giving birth. I fit in their largest size (31...not sure what this is measuring) but was happy to find sharp pants that could turn out to be both a staple in my closet and a classic. If you approach American Apparel carefully, you can come away w/ very trendy yet conservative/pulled together looks. Be careful though since it is the trend for teens to shop there as of late. Good luck and more advice from anyone please!

Thank you

unmotivated yet — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 08:49:26 -0500

for your thoughts. I do have a younger one who is three and a half but it doesnt stop me from missing my first born. We have been through so much together in life, he became less my son and more my friend in the last few months before he left.

It is exactly one month to the day since he left and I try not to think......

But you do have a long way to go before your little one grows up. I regret that I was so obsesed by bringing my first born up right that I really did not enjoy his childhood as I do the younger one's. So enjoy every minute of your time with him, especially this babyhood.

:(

RelationshipQueen — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:55:58 -0500

I can't bear to think about the day my son goes off to college. I am having separation anxiety just thinking about it. Of course, he's only two but yesterday it seemed as if he were just born. Time is flying by and I can't hold him tight enough.

"Because love just isn't that simple"

Clean pants always help

sassymonkey — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 10:27:41 -0500

Especially clean comfy pants.

I have days like that. Absolutely. I think everyone does.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

I know this post is old...

Pinktiara — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 15:00:11 -0500

I thought I was the only one who wanted to run away. I am brand new to this site, so I am looking for other women whose lives are as crazy as mine. I live in Columbia, SC, and I need someone to talk to about the things that women handle on a daily basis. Thanks, Ashley

Eventually, Yes, You are happy for others people's kids...

SatelliteSister5 — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 15:40:32 -0500

I think real joy for other people's kids come with time, perspective, and knowledge. Those early years are too filled with comparisons, benchmarks, height/weight percentiles, pre-school admission "play dates" and overwhelming maternal insecurity to actually feel happy at some other 4 year old's accomplishement.

But as the kids get older, and you get to know them as people, not as number-spewing automatons, you can celebrate when they win the game with a clutch single, come out on top of a piano competition, win the Public Speaking prize. Their successes as tweens and teen have eveythingo to do with them and nothing to do with you not being a good mother to your won child! Your kid finds their own victories, too, and other parents will cheer, pat them on the back. The direct comparisons , of kids and mothers, fade. And real relationships form.

You'll get there. It's a nice place to be when you can say to some friend of your child's, You were the star of the show!"

Lian

SatelliteSisterLian

www.satellitesisters.com

www.chaoschronicles.com

Darwin at its best...

PTPInc — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 08:56:23 -0500

The observation you made was something I didn't ever think about until you blogged about it. Unfortunately, I think it rings very true...

I, myself, do not have any children, but at one time I did nanny for my sister. Being an aunt and taking care of my neice all day, I felt a very heavy responsibility about almost all aspects of this other little human being's life -- from her nutrition, health, motor skills, language skills, social skills, etc. I spent all day with this newly developing toddler, so naturally most things she would learn would have to come from me.

And when I did see other kids I couldn't help this emerging urge to compare... Thoughts would somehow flutter across my mind when I saw them... am I feeding her not enough... am I feeding her too much... is she supposed to be able to annunciate words like that... is she supposed to already know all those words... And yes sometimes there would be that little bit of a triumphant smile that formed when my neice did behave well and I saw another child acting up.

However, I just had to learn to shake those thoughts out of my head even how naturally they did come. I think competition is natural and competition is good at certain times... because we all want to be the best at things... But I did have to remember that each child develops at different rates and you just have to help them develop their own unique potential and not one of another child's. It's about remembering that the child is a separate entity from yourself not an extension. So their accomplishments are their own even though we sometimes like to take credit for it.

And although the evil green giant did creep into my head from time to time, I did still get excited when I saw a truly remarkable child because it really was amazing. And I do hope that more mothers will feel supportive rather than competitive even with this natural tendency. I do think it is important for children to learn to admire others for exemplary traits rather than be jealous of them. And being jealous was something I was not about to teach to her.

-Friends From Sunshine

This is an excellent question and topic

Denise — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 07:40:39 -0500

I saw the title feed through My BlogHer yesterday and didn't have time to read it, but it's stuck with me.

I've seen a lot of moms react fake positively about the good qualities in children who are not their own. I've seen a lot of moms bash those kids (and their mothers) when they thought it was safe for them to do so. I've seen very few real, positive reactions from moms.

And that bugs me.

Or maybe it's only the mean stuff that I'm remembering? I don't know. I do know I'm going to be thinking about this all day.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

It is totally a quest

Denise — Tue, 26 May 2009 13:49:02 -0500

And I love that you're doing it. I can't wait to hear all about it. Maybe someday, when I have an empty nest, I'll make a similar quest.

Ohhh a red motorcycle, awesome. I like red.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings