BlogHer - pregnancy - Comments

Thanks for your comment...

tjsmith — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 17:09:52 -0500

I hope so, too Sarah. Thanks for the kind comments.

TJ Smith

Thank you for you sweet

liveyourbeautifullife — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 12:09:56 -0500

Thank you for you sweet comment! I am so glad that you enjoyed this story! It is amazing to see how what we went through with my little brother has been able to bless so many lives! We sure do love that little guy!

Congrats on the weight loss! I looked at your site and was very impressed! :)

http://liveyourbeautifullife.blogspot.com/

http://mydailylovetips.blogspot.com/

Beautiful Post

fittothefinish — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:11:18 -0500

You are an amazing writer and this story brought tears to my eyes. How blessed your family is to have you and your brother. I laughed outloud when I read your description of your brother now, "healthy, ornery, energetic." As a Mom to five sons myself, that is probably how my daughters would describe their brothers! Thank you for sharing.

Diane

lost 150 pounds and talks about it at:

www.fittothefinish.com/blog

There is hope

sarahday — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 14:11:19 -0500

I truly appreciate this blog post. I work solely with men in a male field and so I completley understand the frustration - going through my training, I met countless people that made me want to scream. But I am blessed in that I have been very well received once I got into my actual field (which surprises most other people) and as there have only been 4 girls in my country doing my job in the past it is quite surprising. How I can be so well received when there hasn't been anyone fighting their way through (and by the way the only other gal currently doing this job is actually on "light duties" as she is pregnant... and everyone is VERY happy for her - she is one of the most respected individuals - period - in the job).

I know that we are lucky that our peers seem to have forgotten the stereotypes, but I know those stereotypes are still out there. I'm certainly hoping that "my boys" are becoming the norm and are not just the exception.

Sarah Day

live large, laugh often, wear purple underwear

house of day

Conditioning and Culture

tjsmith — Sun, 31 May 2009 09:20:02 -0500

I think both play a role in our reactivity to one another. And lets not forget tender egos. I, too was groomed early on for leadership, and given opportunities to shine. I was that girl who could run as fast, shoot as well and was tickled to mix it up when things got dicey. Before you knew it, I too, managed to smile at the wrong moment or at the wrong person or failed to do so. I completely understand what you mean. I feel a blog coming on about this, as I do have a theory. Thanks for checking out my site. It is ,for sure, a work in progress, but I am having fun with the creative process.

TJ Smith

www.working-with-women.com

I Walk the Flip Side

KWest — Sat, 30 May 2009 23:37:51 -0500

Being so identifiable as a less feminine woman, I end up being groomed quickly for leadership roles - and then pay a very high price for it when I actually behave like a leader. I am also often accused of being "aggressive," "mannish," and other lovely things - and to top it off, if I don't flirt back with women who expect masculine counterparts to flirt with them, then I'm in for a very special brand of woman-hating-woman garbage. But I don't try to be masculine, and I don't put effort into behaving "like a man." One thing I'm very careful about is flirting at work: I don't do it. Too many land mines - plus there's a rule that I have about not pooping where I eat, lol! But for me, all I have to do is smile or not smile at the wrong moment, and all of a sudden I've "pooped" without realizing it, so to speak. It's ridiculous - because your point, which is that we are who we are and we're all supposed to be playing on the same team (i.e., whatever the job is) stands true. So what exactly is the real problem?

I checked out your website - looks good. You're clearly a very intelligent person who has put a lot of thought into your experiences, and I really hope others will check it out, too!

--Kate

Thank You

tjsmith — Sat, 30 May 2009 22:47:05 -0500

This was my first actual public blog. I have created a niche site specifically on the subject of women in traditionally masculine jobs and how this effects them, especially in leadership roles. It isn't as bad as when I started, but even though we make up more of the work force, the basic problem that I see still exists today. We are conditioned to expect great men as leaders. When women join the ranks, we expect them to be like the men, to be as good as them. Instead we need to learn to celebrate our differences and the value that diversity brings to the job instead of thinking that we all need to operate in lockstep. The gap is so ingrained in our culture, that women often suffer the same misunderstanding about our own talents and abilities as the men. They stress as much when a woman marries a fellow officer as when she gets pregnant. Or heaven forbid a training officer sleep with his trainee. The talk still shifts to her instead of him.And we still have to work harder to be given credit for competence. It is amazing. And have you noticed in conversation, you will hear about a cop if it's a guy, but if it's a girl, the gender tag is always attached to the story.

Yikes, I'm starting to rant.

TJ Smith

www.working-with-women.com

Great Post

KWest — Sat, 30 May 2009 19:36:11 -0500

You wrote: "We need, as a people, to quit thinking in terms winning and losing or
them vs us. Rather we should remember that we are all on the same team
and women having babies is just part of the way things are supposed to
work."

That's right on the money, so to speak.

I wonder, do those who make such decions in risk professions ever acknowledge the fact that women have nine times the pain tolerance of men because of the fact that we're the ones who have to have the strength to actually give birth? Might be interesting to see how many male police & fire folk are even aware of that fact.

4 was my magic number

susanko — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 18:04:22 -0500

I was the youngest of 4 and we were all born within 6 years of each other. That was my reference and since we were all friends it seemed like a great size, but no can do on the 6 year span...I did 8 years. I was fortunate that my husband was the middle child of 5, so he is really easy going and thought 4 was also a great number. To us, we wanted more than man to man defense (2 kids) and three was not an even number. The FUNNIEST expectation I had was that 2 would be girls and 2 boys, just like when I grew up....well, after 2 it was 1 boy 1 girl....then #3 brought an other boy....the real suprize was what would #4 bring.....although my daughter wanted a lilttle sister sooooo badly, she was blessed with another healthy brother who is almost identical to her personality...which makes it exciting around the house:)

It's a tough question

The Amazing Trips — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:34:59 -0500

We struggled with infertility for almost 10 years before I became pregnant with triplets from our third round of IVF. The doctors had told us we'd never get pregnant on our own. I recall one doctor telling us that my husband had a better chance of hitting the moon with a slingshot. But within days of our triplets turning two ... I found out I was on the nest.

Now that our triplets are four and our little "surprise" is coming up on his second birthday, I really COULD see trying for another baby. And I'm not sure why? Our lives are so full. Crazy full. We have more love and laughter and insanity in this house than I ever imagined possible. We have four healthy children and honestly?? Pregnancy isn't easy for me. I know of people who have lost their babies - or their own lives - during pregnancy. I know of people who have delivered children with GRAVE birth defects. Still, it's like there is one more baby in my heart - just waiting to be born to me.

Perhaps my desire to have another child is because I went through hell
and back trying to start our family?? Perhaps I know that my window of
opportunity is closing?? Perhaps it's because I just enjoy our children
THAT much?? Whatever the case, whenever I bring up wanting a fifth, my husband will ask, "Fifth of WHAT? Bourbon I hope!!"

So, I'm working on him.

"OK Honey. Maybe the bourbon will come first..."

Jen @ The Amazing Trips

www.TheAmazingTrips.com

We both did

Kathy333 — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 13:36:36 -0500

We both originally wanted three. We had two close together, got tired, and realized two is good. We're happy with the sex, we don't want to 'try for a boy'. We are older, too, both almost forty. While the number may be differentif we were younger, I think we are both really happy with where we are now and what we have.

I do know people who have fought over this - it is sad. I know people go into marriage thinking they want X number but then the reality strikes and they change their mind, even if the other person has not. I had one firend, older, they had two boys . She had wanted to have a third, her husband didn't. They didn't. She regretted it. I felt bad for her.

Kathy

Allbusiness:Working Mothers

Mama Marathoner

I don't know yet

AmberS — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 23:35:24 -0500

I don't really know the answer to this one yet. We have two, and the youngest is still a baby. Certainly we don't want another right now. But I think I would like another one down the line. My husband, on the other hand, is sure he doesn't.

For right now I got an IUD, so we have 5 years to make up our minds either way. I think we'll wait and see where we are in a year or two. I think in the end I do believe we need two yeses to go forward. I don't want to 'force' my husband to undertake something as serious as raising a child. Although I am holding out hope he can be convinced.

I guess I'll know the answer for sure in a few years' time.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

This one was easy

Vered — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 22:21:52 -0500

We're lucky - we're both very happy with two and feel that our family is complete.

I still worry sometimes that I will regret not having more children later on, when it's too late.

----

A Mommy Blogger and a Blogger For Hire

it took one no

Erin Kotecki Vest — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:51:24 -0500

My husband's. And he won't budge. So much so he got a vasectomy. Despite my not wanting him too. He says he'll never change his mind, so it doesn't matter.

It matters. But in a way he is right, if he has no and it takes two of us..I can't MAKE him....

or can I? lol

not really.

Politics & News Contributing Editor
Queen of Spain

My Husband Has Left it on My Shoulders to Choose

SCanon — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:35:24 -0500

And considering my situation, I wouldn't want it any other way. Of course, I want his input on whether or not he'd like more children and that WILL have an effect on my final decision, but again, I'm the one who has to go through an ordeal for it.

During my first pregnancy I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I was so very sick with my son and was bedridden and suffered from dehydration quite a bit from the constant vomitting. I was exceedingly weak, and I had a very hard time staying healthy enough to support a pregnancy. After 16 hours of labor, two hours of pushing, and then an emergency C-section I think it's safe to say I'm still a little traumatized. I love being a mother and I love my son. He was worth the pain and although I don't want to close the door on the possibility of more children, I also don't want anybody telling me what I should do. In this situation, I am so lucky that my husband doesn't like to make big decisions.