BlogHer - stress - Comments

To be successsful, honor your people

paulag01 — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:28:25 -0500

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for sharing your story. Unfortunately it is all too common. Smart companies, the true innovators need to honor their PEOPLE because that is what makes them successful long term (and not just give it lip service).

Wishing you the best.

Paula Gregorowicz
The Paula G Company
http://www.thepaulagcompany.com

Learn 5 Steps to Move from Fear to Freedom (free)

Exploited by the company

Southerngirl — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 12:16:19 -0500

Many employees who are left find themselves exploited by the company. Companies use this time to restructure or take away benefits as well as not giving out raises. My company went through a layoff and we were informed a few months after through the president's newletter that we would not be receiving raises. The thing he forgot to mention was that he was getting a 3mil raise that same year. Then there were the cuts to travel and benefit contributions went up ( with no raise we had to eat that) everything had to be trimmed. The truth is they are using this extra to dump into innovation and research so that the company can be poised to gain market share and reposition when the downturn ends. They know that companies that are really hurting are in survival mode. The thing is this all comes on our backs. In a few years new hires will probaly be making as much if not more than those that have been here a while. I have heard this from a lot of others as well. The comapny knows that they cannot make these changes during good times and keep people so they count on you to be so happy to have kept your job that there will be no backlash. Meanwhile many people, myself included are making less than we did a year ago. I did mention that my CEO got a $3mil raise?

Michelle

I blog at http://www.mommycan.blogspot.com/

I love food-way too much!

mfreston — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 22:07:15 -0500

I am so addicted to food and eat emotionally. I always have, and I believe it was passed down to me by my mother who also admits to it. I suffer from depression/anxiety as well as Bulimia since I was 16. This combinaton of addiction to food-eating when my anxiety level is high/I'm depressed is deadly and it's been such a HARD thing for me to overcome. I feel hopeless sometimes. I don't know what to replace my food for...music? yoga? How do you break something you've done for so long?

Thank you for your post! I'm going to start a journal and see if it helps!

Mindi :)

thank you

womenonthefence — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:00:16 -0500

Ladies, I wanted to thank you for your feedback. I'm glad the post got you stimulated, thinking and writing. As all of you, I wish the very best for Elizabeth Edwards. I wish her health, happiness and fulfillment. I'm glad to see as women, we can all have a voice. I cherish all your voices. Love, Erica www.WomenOnTheFence.com xoxEDxox

I thought I knew what I would do...

descalzagirl — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 22:09:48 -0500

I had always told my husband that I would leave him if he ever cheated on me. Obviously that wasn't a big enough threat to stop him. When I found out that he had been unfaithful to me, I was forced to evaluate 13 years of marriage. And my conclusion was that he deserved a second chance.

In each situation there are so many different factors. It's not a simple yes or no. My husband had ended the affair before I found out. He was truthful about the details of it (this I corroborated by texting The Other Woman and pretending to be my husband. I got a ton of information that way). He was miserable about it and repentant, and remembering back, I had seen signs of his misery the entire affair which lasted a few months.

I thought I could never stay, and now I'm trying to figure out how.

why on earth would we want to judge anyone's choices?

laurie — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 16:04:26 -0500

Really. It takes enough energy to make my own marriage work and to nurture the relationships in my own life.

I don't know what I would do in Elizabeth Edwards' situation but I certainly don't judge her for the choices she's made.

As an aside (and as someone living with Stage 4 breast cancer), while Ms. Edwards' cancer is incurable, I don't think that she would say that she is "dying" or "terminal." She is currently undergoing treatment and I think her condition is relatively stable. Many women with Stage 4 breast cancer are living much longer than anyone would expect and find that the illness is more comparable to a chronic illness.

I don't point this out to make anyone feel bad. It's just as someone in a similar situation (I am in remission but continue with treatment), I can be a tad sensitive when it comes to this issue.

Laurie

The blog is Not Just About Cancer and the book is Not Done Yet.

Judging?

amamasblog — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:49:44 -0500

I can see the reason behind it this post- for discussion, but why drag Elizabeth Edwards situation into it again?

Elizabeth Edwards has been through hell, and she is dying. What she decides to do regarding her husband, her marriage, and her family is her business, and none of us are qualified to “judge” her decisions. Maybe she is happy sitting on that “fence.” Maybe she had made peace with the situation, and maybe she hasn’t. The post says we shouldn’t judge her, but when you say, “She must sit on that fence every day wondering if she has made the right decision for herself and her happiness. That can’t be a comfortable place to sit.” That sounds like a judgment in itself.

Heather

*A Mama's Blog

heart breaking...

oilfieldwife — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:34:04 -0500

I can't even imagine what I would do in her shoes. Being critically ill with young children is hard enough, and to have a husband behave so despicably, I can't even fathom the pain. I agree with Erica, if it were a one time thing, I would be inclined to work it out, especially if children are involved. But an ongoing affair? In my opinion, that's just a man trying to get out of a marriage and not having the guts to say it straight out, so he acts out. Such a tough situation, I just hope that she can find peace in some way. As for John Edwards, I don't know how he sleeps at night.

An Unlikely Oilfield Wife!

http://www.unlikelyoilfieldwife.com

You never know

sarahday — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:25:28 -0500

I have to say honestly that I have no idea what I would do. It would depend so much on my relationship with my husband before it happened and the ability for us to communicate after. Trust is a tough thing to earn back once it is lost, and although I'm sure it is possible, it's a struggle that is long and hard for both parties.

I cannot imagine what Elizabeth Edwards went through. I cannot imagine being diagnosed with terminal cancer, having lost a child, and finding out your husband was unfaithful. Talk about feeling utterly alone. I'll be honest, I don't know if I was in her situation if I would have the strength to leave the marriage and face the cancer, dying, and the loss of my child alone even if that was what I wanted to do. She is an amazing woman regardless and my thoughts are definitely with her.

Sarah Day

live large, laugh often, wear purple underwear

house of day

Why stay in the marriage?

Twincere — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:59:06 -0500

Speaking from experience, its completely devastating and life changing to have been betrayed by your spouse. My ex husband cheated on me in June 1999. We split but reconciled after he begged for forgiveness after 1 month. The reconciliation was short lived. Neither our pastor nor Couples therapy could help heal the wounds of distrust, and the nagging doubt that was always in my mind. He admitted that he still thought about her, even though he supposedly cared for me. I asked him to leave in December 1999, and found out I was pregnant with twins 4 weeks later. Though we were separated and he lived with the other girl, (who knew he was married) he tried to be supportive of the pregnancy for our 4 year old daughter's sake. He played mind games, and sad to admit--I fell for them a few times. Pregnant, single and struggling as a parent made me vulnerable. I gave birth to the boys early--July 2000. He gave me an ultimatum--one which included him being able to "be with the other girl and myself as he pleased". I not so politely declined and even though scared, continued on with the divorce. Through all the years of abuse and turmoil, I struggled with the decision because I wanted my marriage to work--we'd been together since 1992. But marriage cannot be completely one-sided, and it had been for us. Surpisingly and unexpectedly a year later in Aug 2001, I met my future DH & we married in April 2002. He has been a blessing, my best friend, and a wonderful, hands on parent to my 3 children.

My ex husband has very little to do with our 3 children at all, maybe sees them once or twice a year. He married that same girl 4 years ago and now has 2 more children with her. In all that time, he's not changed--he's still without ambition, a liar and still a cheater. Some people never change, and thankfully--I have.

I also feel tremendous sadness and compassion for Elizabeth Edwards. Yes, she is dying--but to start all over after investing 30 years of her life would be too taxing on her health. I would hope that John Edwards would be a man enough to be there with his wife and children at all times--until the end. I think given the state of her health or emotional well being, she should just stay in the familiar. Leaving the marriage would further sink her into depression and that's not good for someone who is already critically ill. I would have a different thought if her illness had a better prognosis, but sadly--thats not to say at this time. She needs to focus on her thoughts, and spending time with her children and her loved ones--she needs every last bit of time on her side for them.

【ツ】Email: Twincere(at)Gmail(dot)com

【ツ】Link to my blog: http://twinceretwinkles.blogspot.com/

I think I'm in the it

adjunctmom — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:51:47 -0500

I think I'm in the it depends category. I do know that if my husband declared his mistress his "soulmate" a la Mark Sanford, I would dump him without question. That moves beyond "oops" and into seriously destructive, you know? I'm not sure how his wife stands to be in the same room with him and I have to say I admire her perseverence in attempting to save her marriage.

I don't think I could tolerate an extended affair either, but a one night stand? Well, once yes, if it was a serial thing, I think that would be too much for me.

So well handled.We are not a

Houseonahill — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 12:49:54 -0500

So well handled.

We are not a partner in her/or anyone elses but our own's marriage and therefore need to save our energies and reserve our commentary.

I simply use my energy to send her strength and good wishes as she transitions...

Houseonahillorg

www.Houseonahillorg.blogspot.com

www.HealthierHappierHouseonahill.org

Heaven's no! You aren't alone!

yoktom — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:06:39 -0500

It's funny how as moms we always think we are the ONLY ONE out there that feels like we are alone, or overwhelmed, or that we just can't take it anymore! That's why support groups and places like this are so vital to the survival of "you" in motherhood. I guess that's why the topic is so highly requested by women's groups when I speak.

My suggestion - find a five minute time out spot. Sometimes five minutes is all it takes. I call it five minutes in the freezer at my house - Five minutes is sometimes all we can get, but it's a very important five minutes.

For the record, luckily none of the keys on my laptop are missing, however, I am on my third wireless transmitter for my mouse...

Tamara Hancock
www.wahpm.com
Work AT Home Professional Mom
www.widowsofwarcraft.com
(self explanatory :)
www.yoktom.blogspot.com
Diary of A Stay At Home Mom

It's a process. You'll get

womenonthefence — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:29:34 -0500

It's a process. You'll get better and better with practice. Good luck! And be good to you!

xoxEDxox

Thanks for the post. Now I

sdombroski — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:26:01 -0500

Thanks for the post. Now I just have to keep reminding myself of the facts :-)