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yes, well. i can't decide

kazari — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:30:57 -0500

yes, well. i can't decide if i'm more amused or insulted. i think amused is winning, cos i've told all my friends now.

but it's ok. we compromise. I've told him that when it's really unbearable I'm totally ok with him sleeping on the couch : )

I think I have a recipe for that...

I actually snorted!

AnissaMayhew — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:08:37 -0500

Ok, i was doing ok until you said Darth Vader and then I just lost it. That's HYSTERICAL!

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

www.onevoiceproject.ning.com

of course i don't snore...

kazari — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 00:05:55 -0500

thankfully, my husband stopped snoring around the time he started cycling to work. I like to think it's cos he's completely exhausted, but it's more likely because he lost all that weight.

so now I am the bad bedmate. when I get a cold my breathing is really, really laboured (the joys of asthma!), and according to my sweet, sweet husband, it's like being in bed with darth vader.

he's such a romantic : )

I think I have a recipe for that...

Thanks for the Encouragement

pamlyn — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:25:05 -0500

Even though you know that you're not the only one experiencing this, somedays you wonder.

I have met that person too

geekgirl — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:13:29 -0500

I am very sorry. Truly.

My father became much that way when be became very ill. (He is deceased now.) And my grandmother is a tremendous challenge, though she does not reside with me.

Your mom is lucky to have you. Hang in there, and keep on blogging. :)

Christine

http://froginnorthgeorgia.com/

you know girls, then

grannysu — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:26:24 -0500

I think you know about girls! I had seven sisters, but I've forgotten much in the flood of male children in my house. Girls are way different! Today, for example, they made art on the back of the van by leaving a circle of handprints in the dust. And while chopping tomatoes, they just burst out singing (some popular song, don't know what it is). Just like that. Lovely!

Granny Sue
Stories from the Mountains and Beyond
www.grannysu.blogspot.com
susannaholstein@yahoo.com

Awesome post! Too true.

Wyliekat — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:20:34 -0500

Awesome post! Too true.

I hope you do well.

Wyliekat — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 10:18:04 -0500

I hope you do well.

What fun!

Denise — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 08:50:19 -0500

You are a very lucky woman to have all of those young women in your life, even if the bathroom is never empty.

I want to hear more about these girls. Keep the blogs coming.

Camo? hahaha I love that.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Thank you.

BarbJacobucci — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:44:36 -0500

You put into words the thoughts that I haven't allowed myself to think. Beautiful post.

Barb Jacobucci

Nice Shoes! and other Life Observations

www.barbjacobucci.blogspot.com

Thank you for the feedback

geekgirl — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 10:34:00 -0500

Thank you ladies so much for your comments. I feel much better now that I have read your remarks, about my decision to lessen this friendship to polite work related conversation as much as possible.

I think the reasons I feel bad are less related to self-preservation, and more about pity for her daughter (for whom I am powerless to help), and friends tremendous neediness. She needs immense attention. I obviously cannot give it to her.

The daughters behaviour has gone from bad to worse. She is bright, and becoming diabolical and manipulative. That is a tragedy all by itself.

I look forward to taking a peek at your blogs this weekend.

Christine

http://froginnorthgeorgia.com/

Toxic People

Just4Moi — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 02:13:32 -0500

We all have choices in our lives.

We can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends.

The woman you are describing is a toxic friend.

Don't be sad.

Being a friend does not mean you are a doormat, a whipping post or a laughing stock for a polluted person.

Think of it this way.

What kind of friend is she to treat you like this?

Personally, I have too much self respect to tolerate that kind of abuse from anyone.

We all have bad days, but we don't mistreat the people we care about.

Boundaries work both ways. I would draw a line in the sand.

For my emotional safety and well being.

Best wishes,

Just4Moi

I have had to break up with friends too....

theamazinglifeofarbendon — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 00:27:13 -0500

You can always make another dollar, but you can't buy another minute. Use your time wisely, and live life to the fullest.

One of the most difficult things I have had to learn how to do since I decided to live my life with purpose and meaning has been to face my fears about the way other people view me. I am a typical 'nice' girl: I dont' like confrontation and avoid it whenever possible, particularly with those I have invested time and energy into. Unfortunately, conflict resolution is part of growing up, and I agree with you that this person is behaving incredibly inappropriately. You MUST protect your family from those who would see it destroyed, and this friend sounds more like a passive-aggressive sociopath than someone who should be given any more of your time. Time is valuable: don't waste it on someone who won't give you a return on your investment. You have done all you can do. And even though you don't need permission to be 'hard' , I give it to you anyway: you are free to release yourself from this person, for your own sanity and self-preservation. Think of all the other people you will be available to and can genuinely help by relieving yourself of this relationship.

how hard.

kazari — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 23:45:21 -0500

It sounds like this person has trouble with boundaries. That is difficult to deal with, but it doesn't mean you have to let her walk all over yours.

I would call her on it. Gently. When she tells you something you don't want to hear, tell her you don't want to hear it. Then change the subject. You can do it politely.

If she won't hear you, I think you have to distance yourself. This friend is doing harm to your family and your peace of mind, and I don't think there is anything you can do to help her.

Keep in touch (well, if you work together, you can't help it!) but limit the conversation to safe topics. And just repeat your wishes not to hear the other stuff.

I think I have a recipe for that...

It's a toughie

GlindaofOz — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 22:31:50 -0500

You can't hold yourself responsible for her behaviors.

This person sounds very unbalanced. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to cut off ties with a friend. There is so much tied up in someone else, especially for women.

All you can do is start to wean her out of your life. She is addicted to drama and in order for her to show off her dramatics she needs an audience. You have to decide that you no longer want to be that audience.

I would start to wean her out of your life. If she invites you to lunch simply say no. If she presses again say no. Don't go no matter what. After a while she will stop asking. When she wants to socialize explain your schedule is very busy right now. Once she is no longer so tangled up in your life it will be easier for you to say that you feel that you cannot have her in your life. With people like this you have to be firm and can't be wishy washy.

I have had friends who behaved similiarly to what you described. It was much easier for me to let go of those people then some other friends who were toxic but not so outlandish. Everyone reaches a breaking point and it sounds as if you have reached yours.

I wish you the best with this. Remember to stay strong and do what's right for you not for her.

Self-discovery through fashion!

www.wisdomofglinda.com

http://askglinda.blogspot.com

http://glindaofoz.blogspot.com