BlogHer - Family Dynamics - Comments

Poor baby

lynngre — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:35:35 -0600

The image of her being carried into a hotel lift by that sicko is so sad. If only someone knew what she was about to go through. It's not about race. This happens in all areas of society. Poor angel. RIP.

Lynn

swedafrican.wordpress.com

Thank you Nordette

Erin Kotecki Vest — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:41:44 -0600

Taking a look now

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

Helping or Joining CASA is one way to help

Nordette — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:40:22 -0600

Erin, many cities have CASA programs, Court Appointed Special Advocates for children. One way to help is to become a CASA.

CASA is the only volunteer organization that empowers everyday citizens as officers of the court. In an overburdened social welfare system, abused and neglected children often slip through the cracks among hundreds of current cases. CASA volunteers change that. Appointed by judges, CASA volunteers typically handle just one case at a time—and commit to staying on that case until the child is placed in a safe, permanent home. While others may come and go, CASA volunteers provide that one constant that children need in order to thrive. (website)

If you don't have the time for such a commitment, you can always donate money to program. When the commercials run down here, I think I should do it, but I may have to stick to donations until I have the time and clear head to do more.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

I don't know how to help

Erin Kotecki Vest — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:26:06 -0600

We need to do this. We need to do that. We need. We need.

But HOW?

I need to know HOW.

Politics & News Contributing Editor Erin Kotecki Vest

LOOK IT AIN'T ABOUT ME... AND IT IS....

Lovebabz — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 18:17:03 -0600

I've done a lot of good in my life...and I've done some fucked up shit. But I NEVER HURT A KID. Thank you all for thinking anything I had to say on this ugly soul-breaking stuff has value and merrit. I love being a mother...it is redeeming to me. It is healing and uplifting.

There are moments in all our lives that we must answer the call of our time. Children need to be protected. If they (our children) survive the ordeal of being sold into sexual slavery, they will need loving people to help give themselves back to themselves. That is the hardest work. There is not a day goes by that I do not have some memory. I carry weight on my body because to be smaller is to be 9 again and I am not ready to release or make enough peace to lose the weight.

I am not brave, nor courageous...I am tired of these stories that drag me back to a time when fear, pain and uncertainty was my life.

Let us all collectively pray that no more children suffer, then lets all get off our asses and do something...write a check...volunteer and YES adopt our broken, abused and abandoned children.

I may not be the mother my kids deserve, but I am the one who loves them with my life.

Be loving & Be in LOVE

LoveBabz

Denise — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:52:51 -0600

I have so much respect for your honesty and for your willingness to share such personal details about your life. We need more women like you, brave women who can stand up and say this happened to me and here's how I've moved on to be who I am.

Thank you.

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings

Thank You So Much For Your Honesty

Megan Smith — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:14:44 -0600

Hi Lovebabz,

Thank you so much for your honesty. It was very courageous of you to talk about what happened to you as a child.

You're an amazing woman and your children are very lucky to have you as a mom and a role model.

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video

My Personal Entertainment Blog: Megan's Minute

My Review Blog: Meg's Rad Reviews

Twitter:@MeganSmith

Listening to Sapphire's book in iTunes

Bailey Alexander — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:44:52 -0600

I'm spending a couple of months aboard our saiboat in northern Italy so I decided to buy the book, turn out all the lights and let her words just wash over me for hours. It was intense but at the end, I was surprised by how much the other students' stories moved me, that was a clever, effective device. Allowing them to compare their pain, own their own story, move on independently.

I sat on a non-profit board in Seattle to help eliminate domestic violence. The issue is everywhere, I've heard it expressed in various languages in several countries, over the fence, walking by an apartment, in different modes of conflict and danger.

I certainly don't equate incest and rape with a color, community, let alone a country. Look at what we do every time we start a war, the first ones to suffer are the children that are raped.

This novel was something else though wasn't it, centered and more effective maybe because the community was known rather than any city, usa.

It was a brilliant use of language, really, in listening to Precious embrace the world thru gradual understanding of a language.

Prior to learning French and Italian, I lived in Rome and Paris so I was illiterate by choice, feeling vulnerable, even if only on the most superficial level, but it was valid. Speaking from somone that understands the power of her own language, the ability to control it, manipulate it, own it, I'm empathetic at the very least, on that level.

I'm not sure that anyone other than a performance poet like Sapphire could have told the story in such an effective manner, with that motive and that result. But I'm so grateful Sapphire went so dark and stayed so honest, if only so the light at the end of the tunnel could feel that much more worth the trouble of traveling towards......

Oh,Lovebabz

Mata H — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:01:16 -0600

I am so sorry that no one protected you. God bless you for protecting other children, and for having the courage to speak of it here. I hope that your story and the story of Precious helps other children. It hurts to bring such intimate and horrible pain to the light. But it helps heal as well. It has me asking what I can do now.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

That's awesome :) I am a

MommaRoberts — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 09:07:42 -0600

That's awesome :) I am a Carolina fan but Hubby is die hard Clemson :)

~David's Wife 6/9/07~ ~Haleigh's Mommy 11/13/07~ ~TTC Baby #2 8/2008~

It's taken 10 years...

Average Jane — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:20:22 -0600

When I was growing up I loved, loved, loved Christmas and always got excited about decorating, baking, etc. However, after my mom died in 1998, I could never regain that feeling. I wasn't outwardly sad, I just couldn't find the spark that had been there.

This year, I think things may finally have turned around. I've been buying gifts all year long and I've stopped having "I don't know if I'm going to put up a tree this year" thoughts. I think I'm actually looking forward to the holiday season for the first time in far too long.

We are failing children.

Nordette — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:21:21 -0600

Yes, Lovebabz, we are failing our children. I wrote in a post on my blog a while back, one that got no comments, how much we let seep into our culture to corrupt our healthier values because we're busy protecting people's feelings, because we're afraid to be told we're not supportive of "the race." But being supportive does not mean we have to accept any and everything--toxic attitudes and messages, destructive behaviors--that poison us.

And on these particularly abominable crimes against children we must not be silent. We must hide no one. Protect no one unless we are hiding and protecting a child from her/his abuser. And yes, this is not a problem exclusive to African-Americans. Across the nation in every neighborhood, rich or poor, some child has a story to tell that should shame us.

Thank you for sharing honestly with us. I don't think I'd have the courage to say something like this without weeks of fasting and prayer, but I know that you are a woman of courage. I'm always happy to hear your voice on your Love Talk podcasts, and I marvel at what you're doing for your children, children who you do not fail. You are a testament that what could destroy us doesn't have to.

Be in peace always.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

holidays and grief

NICURNmama — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:12:44 -0600

in 2005 our family lost 6 family members, some sudden and unexpected and some we knew was inevitable. those first couple holiday seasons were hard. we still celebrated but there was a sense of melancholy and things just didn't seem right. one way of coping was we puposely changed things up a bit. we ALWAYS celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve with my hubs family all formal like but we instead gathered on Christmas Day and kept it casual and fun. We still miss our family members who have gone but as time went on we found holidays and other days we just think of them, remember them and smile.

Take care.

Thank you Lovebabz.

BrownImani — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 21:06:07 -0600

Thank you so much for standing up and saying "this happened to me". Don't be angry with those of us that say how sad and horrible it is and how we wish we didn't have to hear about this. It is not that we don't want to hear it, we don't want it to happen ever again. There will be no hope for children on planet Earth when people can hear these stories and have no response. This is heartbreaking and sick and it is hard to imagine and hear about a child going through this and dying unrescued. I hear a story like this everyday now. I don't know if it is happening more or if the shameless media just feels more comfortable sensationalizing it.

I was at work when I heard that her body had been found. Some of my co-workers wept-men and women. I thought this was something else-like a child custody dispute or something and the mom was hiding the baby. It never occurred to me...I was caught off guard with this one. Yes, let's protect children. But it is very hard to do when the bad that happens to them is done behind closed doors at the hands of their own family.

Thank you for sharing.

Rita Arens — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:30:00 -0600

Lovebabz, my blood just ran cold when I read your comment. I have a daughter. Your story breaks my heart and also pisses me off that anyone would treat you so poorly.

The community has to keep watching out for each other. We have to.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.