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My Parents Never Fought, My Husband's Did

AmyMusings — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:31:10 -0600

My parents never fought. My husband's mom and step-dad fought until his mom ran out of steam. I avoid conflict. It makes my guts tie up in knots. The dog hides, the kids are on eggshells. So he doesn't understand why I always say "let's talk about it later." He wants to tick this "discussion" off of his to-do list. I think fights where you have your buttons pushed and it's not behavior you want to model for your children, should be fought when the kids aren't around. But to fight over things that you know you can resolve are constructive fights that the kids need to learn from so they know how to do it. There are healthy fights and unhealthy fights. The goal is to model the healthy fights, not no fighting at all and not fight until you drop.

Amy Kehoe

www.amymusings.com

Discernment is Key

HappyHer — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 09:11:07 -0600

Great Article! Children learn relationship dynamics at home. I think it's imporant to allow them to see their parents in all facets of their relationship, including fighting. I feel you need to discern what the appropriate topics are though and to use respectful and healthy communication tools when you do fight.

Allowing your children to see that you can disagree, compromise, and to continue on in a loving manner will help them learn life lessons that will allow them to create their own healthy adult relationships.

Tracy Morrow Intimacy Specialist http://www.HappyHer.com/Blog

hmm ...

RawOn10 — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 20:33:41 -0500

patty,

if hypoglycemia were the problem, then kids would get wacked out after eating bananas or watermelon or other high glycemic carbs ... and they don't ... also, as you know (or should know), hypoglycemia isn't some vague, ethereal condition that mysteriously happens after one kind of high glycemic carb and not another ... it's a very specific and measurable condition ... also, "flipping out and running around like a goofball" are NOT symptoms of hypoglycemia, and are not part of the "whipple's triad" to determine if symptoms are caused by genuine hypoglycemia

intolerance to corn syrup/high fructose corn syrup is a very real and (can be a) very disruptive condition ...

sugar's not the problem (usually)

RawOn10 — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:56:49 -0500

if you look at the ingredient list for any candy you'll see that there's very little sugar there ... what IS there is corn syrup and other corn products ... high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, dextrose, maltodextrine, et al ...

this is nearly always what causes a "devilish" reaction in kids (with high fructose corn syrup causing the worst reaction) ... not sugar ...

it's a genuine food intolerance and far more serious than just "my kid gets hyper on sweets" ... it's causing a reaction in the brain severe enough to alter behavior ... it's not quite as deadly as a peanut allergy, but it IS harmful and probably should be treated almost as seriously as a peanut allergy ... because we really don't know just what this stuff is doing to our kids ... or, more accurately, what it's doing to their brains and nervous systems ... a behavioral reaction means it's doing something ...

this is a good resource for info ... http://babyandkidallergies.com/high_fructose_corn_syrup.php ... but just google "high fructose corn syrup" and "kids" ...

good luck ... one of my kids and one of my grandkids (and me, too!) are all intolerant to corn syrup ... it makes a HUGE difference when we keep those things out of our diet ...

It's in at Scholastic Canada

sassymonkey — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 15:23:36 -0500

A few of us (Canadians) were discussing this on Twitter and found out that Scholastic Canada has a different take on it.

From Scholastic Canada: Love Ya Bunches is in Scholastic Canada’s Arrow December Book Club and Spring 2010 Book Fairs.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Just an idea...

Jac3286 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 11:12:11 -0500

I'm not sure if it would work, or if it's even feasible, but maybe you could try sugar free candy? I know there are sugar free hard candies, and I'm sure I've seen sugar free gummies. It might be too late for Halloween, but maybe for next year, you can look online and see if you can find some sugar free chocolate bars. You can ask the teacher to give them to your kids in place of the sugary chocolate and give them to your kids yourself on Halloween and at parties. That way your child doesn't feel left out, but you don't have to deal with a hyperactive kid.

You are right!

pattypless — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:13:16 -0500

You have all made the right observations. There are some kids who can tolerate a certain amount of sugar, while others go wild after one candy. The explanation lies in their sugar sensitivity and their body's ability to maintain a stable blood sugar. Children (and adults) with strong mood and behavior changes after sugar, as well as strong sugar cravings often have Hypoglycemia. This means that their blood sugar drops dramatically after ingesting fast acting carbohydrates like plain sugar or easily digested carbs like white bread, noodles, cake, cookies etc. Often, these people can describe that they feel jittery, nervous, angry, light-headed about two to three hours after eating something sugary. They get tremendous cravings for sweets in order to get their blood sugar up again. The way to help these children and adults (as some of you found out already) is to stabilize the blood sugar with foods that take longer to digest and don't have such a big impact on the blood sugar level. Those foods include foods rich in protein and fiber. So, yes, a string cheese works! Make sure that every time your sugar-sensitive child eats something sweet to also serve protein-rich foods. Another trick to maintain a stable blood sugar is to eat frequent small meals, about every 3 hours.

There are some great books out about sugar sensitivity:

Sugar Shock! by Connie Bennett

Little Sugar Addicts by Kathleen Desmaisons

Bad Attitude by Audrey Ricker

In our sugar-sensitive household with four children we have a candy collection bag. Every candy the kids get at parties or restaurants goes in the bag. Once we have 100 candies, the kids have earned a special outing. They can't wait to get Halloween candy - to fill the bag! (The full bag will get magically emptied after the outing...)

Patty Pless MD, PCI Certified Parent Coach®, www.familyequilibrium.com

Slow introduction

Expat Mum — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:45:18 -0500

I was just thinking that maybe it's because it's such a large amount that some children react this way. What would happen if they were introduced to sugar in small amounts? Not that I'm advocating a new sugar diet (the dental bills for one thing make me run in the other direction) but perhaps the children can build up an immunity of sorts?

maybe, but

Shannon LC Cate — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:02:03 -0500

My two kids are different in their responses. So I don't think it's simply that they aren't used to it.

Cheese works!

xblake — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 11:31:28 -0500

Hah, I was just about to suggest the pre-fill on cheese. Works somewhat for our kids. Our son has similar reactions, though probably not quite as extreme as you describe for your daughter. We are nearly a completely HFCS and sugar-free family (e.g. water instead of juice is the norm). I wonder if they simply react this way because their bodies haven't been inundated with a daily supply, and the shock of so much sugar at once just drives them haywire? I know that I have trouble eating a snickers bar as an adult without feeling my heart rate and skin temp rise.

Agree with Barbara

Motherhooduncensored — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:08:20 -0500

Definitely depends on how you fight.

I think it's great to model disagreement AND resolution (make sure they see that as well). But if you're name calling and yelling (which I admit, I've been there - it's embarrassing and guilt inducing, but I'm human), then you might want to think again.

I think we often feel as though our kids need to see things "perfect" - that they shouldn't be tainted. But having a disagreement is a part of life - and being able to voice that is important for them to see, especially for my girls. AND, even better, it's good for them to see how to come to resolutions.

Kristen Chase

Motherhood Uncensored

http://www.motherhooduncensored.net

Similar Over Here

JennaHatfield — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 10:01:37 -0500

I'm kind of strict about sweets. Not overly strict because I know that only creates want. We just simply don't have sweets in the house. They're a rare treat. My oldest didn't have candy until just before his second birthday and his little brother beat him by a month or two on that one (it's harder with the younger one!). While my younger son doesn't get hyper with candy, my older son does. As such, when we were invited to TWO Halloween parties this year, neither that I wish to miss because of various circumstances, I've just decided that we'll go ahead and buckle down for a weekend of noise and chaos.

Thankfully, they forget about candy (Easter, Christmas, Halloween) about a day or two after it all passes. And as I don't eat chocolate myself, it doesn't expand my waistline either!

@FireMom from Stop, Drop and Blog and The Chronicles of Munchkin Land

Marcus the Carcass is great!

moonfever0 — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:41:33 -0500

Seriously, you should put the photo right into your post!

We have modest decorations, but the kids always want more more more! In fact, we are late getting them up this year...

There are some awesome houses in our neighborhood as well. Some have kitschy junk and some are really spooktacular with flying ghosts, scary zombies walking the yard and even hearses.

Angela at mommy bytes BlogHer Contributing Editor in Mommy & Family Cribsheet

My mom grew up in Georgia,

pink_punch — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 22:16:49 -0500

My mom grew up in Georgia, and she says that the people on her block, including her mother, went nuts decorating for Halloween. My mom continued the tradition and goes all out every year, but she never puts up any decorations before October first. Now that I am out on my own, I am itching to decorate for Halloween, but with a move to a new apartment looming on the horizon, I've only put up a few small things.

here in the philippines, I

midnightbliss — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:19:38 -0500

here in the philippines, I think, I haven't seen any home that have halloween decorations, maybe because as early as with the starting with the "ber" months, people are already preparing their christmas decorations. Its a traditon here to spend the day in the cemetery to be with their relatives who are already gone.