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Asking for what you want is never wrong.....

dashingscorpio — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 07:49:35 -0600

Lack of communication destroys more relationships than those where a couple asks each other for what they want. Being asked does not mean you have to comply but to have a relationship end over something you never knew was important to your partner could lead to heartache. You always have the power to say NO just as your mate has to decide if what he or she wants is a deal breaker. If it's a must have in the relationship then it's only a matter of time before they move on. No matter who you are , male or female when you're in love you are going to do some things just to please your mate. This does not mean you sold your soul. It's just natural to want those you love to be happy and in healthy relationships this is reciprocated in large and small ways from cooking a favorite dish, going to see a ballet, trying something new in bed, to going shopping on "Black Friday". One of the leading causes for divorce today is there is too much "YOU & ME" and not enough "US & WE" in relationships. Everyone is so worried about "losing themself" in a relationship they are practically ready to fight at the mention of a request to try something different. Ideally a man in love will do some things that he knows his woman loves and she in turn will do some things she know he loves. The only people that get their way all of the time are those who are not in love. They don't care about anyone other than themself.

Be happpy with one....

dashingscorpio — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 07:09:58 -0600

It's tough enough to make a marriage work without forcing another child into a family where one of the "would be parents" doesn't want a baby which was alluded to by TW. There seems to be myth out there that if woman chooses to have a baby the father will over time be happy with having it. However that is a gamble which may not be worth taking. Some men mean what they say and bringing another baby to this world could lead to stress on your marriage then you would have hurt the quality of life your children deserved. If you have a happy marriage and a healthy baby consider yourself blessed. Recently I posted a blog asking the same question in reverse. "Are you selfish for not wanting children?" After reading the various comments posted there is no doubt that bringing another person into this world is the most important decision a couple can make.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/user-post-are-you-selfish-for-not-wanting-children-544449/

NEW RELATIONSHIP... GREAT GUY...WHY AM I SO SCARED??

Claudia03 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:25:15 -0600

So i've been dating this guy for a couple of months now and everything is fantastic. After a few failed relationships, i've learned to take things realllllly slow and enjoy the ride. He is an incredible guy who treats me incredibly. He loves to show me off to all his friends and GIVES PUBLIC AFFECTION.... IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS!. I've never really had that...EVER! I've finally met a great guy who treats me like i've ALWAYS wanted to be treated...... So why am I so petrified. I'm so scared that a HUGE part of me just wants to back out..... this love thing is just..... a nuissance..seriously.

Anyway, i want to tell him i'm really scared... but I don't know how to...

I want to tell him i'm excited but terrified at the same time..... part of me is eager to see how far this will go... and another part wants to pick up my skirts and run and never look back. He knows I really care about him... and I know he cares about me.....

oh and it's a long distance relationship... and we only see each other a couple times a month.... but it's always so worth it

ok, i'm blabbering..... I NEED Some advice! HELP!

That's what I wonder, too

Suzanne Reisman — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:47:48 -0600

At what point does being asked to change who you are stop being compromise (which is important to a relationship to a point) and start becoming control? When my mother-in-law started graying, my father-in-law, who is overall a very good guy, told her to start dying her hair, as he didn't marry a woman with gray. She felt that coloring her hair was a small concession she could make, and didn't mind, although I was horrified. Of course, she didn't marry a guy with a big bald spot, but she didn't see the point in asking him to grow his hair back when I suggested it. For them, it was a good compromise, but I think if he asked her to have a facelift or something like that, she'd be offended. Anyway, I hear you.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Oth

I just fell in love with him, too

Suzanne Reisman — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:42:22 -0600

What a beautiful story! I wish every person could have such a thoughtful and compassionate partner. Thanks so much for sharing.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Oth

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:28:38 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:27:35 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:26:49 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

A personal story

kazari — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:09:03 -0600

Very early on in my relationship (which is now 9 years and counting), we ended up in his bedroom. I was thrilled and looking forward with anticipation... until I remembered the state of my legs. From memory, we'd just got back from a multi-day sailing trip or something, and I don't think I'd shaved my legs for a week.

I was horrified, and immediately switched gears, looking for a way out of the situation. When he insisted on knowing what the matter was, I couldn't even think of a decent lie, so I told him the truth.

He hugged me, and said he cared about what was in here (touching my head) and in here (touching my heart) and not about my legs at all.

I think I fell in love with him, just then.

http://myrope.wordpress.com

A worthwhile man would, I

mdilloway — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:07:57 -0600

A worthwhile man would, I think, be attracted to his partner with or without hair. What if she gets ingrown hairs? Would he still want her to go through the burden and pain? My husband says he likes me how *I* like me, and based on his response, I believe him. My hair (on my head as well) has been short, long, medium. I have gotten hugely overweight (70 lbs!) during three pregnancies and gotten back down to 18% body fat. My body has changed tremendously during the time we've been together. Through it all I have never, ever felt unattractive to him.

I think a woman should hold out for a mature man who will not want her to harm herself to please him, but will be pleased by her regardless of what she chooses to do with her body hair. Because if the man can get so worked up over pubic hair, what's going to happen when she gets stretch marks from having a baby or her breasts sink by gravity?

American Housewife www.margaretdilloway.com

Big decisions are 2 "yes" or 1 "no"..

debra roby — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:05:09 -0600

Like headless mom, when it comes to BIG questions in a marriage, the best rule is always it takes 2 yeses to move forward. 1 No postpones or cancels any change. It's fair when you are asking an individual to commit to something serious and more long term. I know people who wil enforce this rule for simple as buying a new couch or painting the walls in the house. Surely having another child deserves this respect.

If your husband wanted something that you didn't -say moving across the country, quitting his job and having the family live out of an RV for a year - would you be happy if he enacted these choices against your consent? And these are not as large a commitment as raising another human being.

Debra A Stitch In Time Weight for Deb

Not that I would do this

TW — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:51:20 -0600

*cough* But in a committed heterosexual relationship-there are some fairly easy ways around a no.

Problematic in a same-sex couple or a couple in need of assistive tech/fertility help though.

Retro-Food.com

Thank you

cutiebootycakes — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:28:05 -0600

It is good to hear I am not alone. Like you, my husband and I discussed our hopes for family and we both agreed on more than one. I guess despite all the planning you do life can throw some curve balls.

Cutie Booty Cakes

Power Struggle

Bill Cammack — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:10:57 -0600

As in most dating scenarios, the key to this issue is which one wants to be in that particular relationship more, and why.

If the guy wants to be with the gal more than he wants to see and feel what he wants to see and feel (assuming he feels that way in the first place), then he's going to have to grin and bear it.

If the gal wants to be with that particular guy more than she wants to retain her Afro, then she's going to have to grin and bare it (ha ha, I made a funny :D).

Ultimately, these things should be discussed and figured out BEFORE people claim they're in a relationship with each other, not AFTER. :D If he doesn't like it, he's either not going to go near it very often (if at all) or he's going to exit the relationship ASAP (meaning as soon as he finds a different chick). If she's not willing to do something that turns her man on, the advice you gave is spot-on in that she needs to eject and find a different boyfriend.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

i ve been there, but now i can see the ugly truth- keep you safe

violetta — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:13:15 -0600

well, every girl who has not undergone a risk of getting the hiv , can be excited with the idea of dating a bi, because a bisexual person can understand your feelings and needs better than a straight. they can be romantic and very tender.

BUT heterosexual women consist a rising group of hiv positive people which is growing with fast rythm. It is terrifying. every 6 seconds a person gets infected with HIV. 8.000 people die daily

girls keep your eyes open, it was the most horrifing period of my life after falling in love with a bisexual person, we had some sexual intercourse and then... i did not know if i was -having hiv- or healthy.. thanks god i was lucky and after having a lot of tests now i m safe and i ll never put my life in danger again. i changed as a person since this thing happened...

a lot of people get through the same procedure that i did, some are lucky and some are not. even if you use a condom with a bi, it could just break. and hiv is also transmitted through mouth. so try to keep yourself safe-alive by dating only straight men.

HELP STOP AIDS. always use a condom. there is no cure, there is only prevention.

check the videos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRqXcXolCEs&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3S8hJUyuc8&feature=related

i say all these with love to people generally