BlogHer - Dating - Comments

I often wonder about this

LadyBird — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 23:26:55 -0600

This concern has shaped how I "shop" for men online. Most of my shorter girlfriends don't seem to get because they have never had to be the tallest person in a room or group picture. These types of petite girls are the same size as my best buds in middle-high school and though I loved them, think they contributed to some of my insecurities. Ah, well, I think I really should get over it as the tall men I meet are doing me any good either!!

LadyBird

http://notyetacrazycatlady.blogspot.com/

You're Not Alone In Crying Over Mixers!

KristyWes — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:43:40 -0600

Loved this blog post. I have the exact same hang-up with the Kitchen Aid stand mixer.

Inspired by your boldness, I too may have to consider taking away the mixer's Holy Grail status and just buying one for myself already.

Thanks for the good word! :)

Asking for what you want is never wrong.....

dashingscorpio — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 07:49:35 -0600

Lack of communication destroys more relationships than those where a couple asks each other for what they want. Being asked does not mean you have to comply but to have a relationship end over something you never knew was important to your partner could lead to heartache. You always have the power to say NO just as your mate has to decide if what he or she wants is a deal breaker. If it's a must have in the relationship then it's only a matter of time before they move on. No matter who you are , male or female when you're in love you are going to do some things just to please your mate. This does not mean you sold your soul. It's just natural to want those you love to be happy and in healthy relationships this is reciprocated in large and small ways from cooking a favorite dish, going to see a ballet, trying something new in bed, to going shopping on "Black Friday". One of the leading causes for divorce today is there is too much "YOU & ME" and not enough "US & WE" in relationships. Everyone is so worried about "losing themself" in a relationship they are practically ready to fight at the mention of a request to try something different. Ideally a man in love will do some things that he knows his woman loves and she in turn will do some things she know he loves. The only people that get their way all of the time are those who are not in love. They don't care about anyone other than themself.

Buy yourself the mixer!

sassymonkey — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:22:55 -0600

The mixer is not your key to finding a long-lasting relationship. You will love your mixer all the more if you buy it for you.

(And I highly recommend using it to make pizza dough. I love making pizza dough with mine.)

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

I can identify with this 100%!

Singletude — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:38:39 -0600

I just found your blog, and I really like it! You have such a positive, healthy attitude toward singleness!

It's funny that you brought this up because New Year's Eve has traditionally been a "date night" for me. That hasn't been intentional, but it's just worked out that I've had a date, either with a long-term partner or someone new, just about every New Year's of my adult life. I can count on one hand the years this wasn't so. I've always found it especially hard to be alone on New Year's because of that moment when everyone turns to a partner and plants a big smooch on him or her.

This New Year's, however, marks my first year as a single by choice. I now have only one female friend who is currently single (they're dropping like flies!), and she and I recently decided that we would spend it together and do something fantastic. I find that I'm quite looking forward to a night of having fun on my own terms without the pressure of dressing up and turning on the charm for a date. Being single is so freeing that way!

Singletude: This single life is your life to live!

NEW RELATIONSHIP... GREAT GUY...WHY AM I SO SCARED??

Claudia03 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:25:15 -0600

So i've been dating this guy for a couple of months now and everything is fantastic. After a few failed relationships, i've learned to take things realllllly slow and enjoy the ride. He is an incredible guy who treats me incredibly. He loves to show me off to all his friends and GIVES PUBLIC AFFECTION.... IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS!. I've never really had that...EVER! I've finally met a great guy who treats me like i've ALWAYS wanted to be treated...... So why am I so petrified. I'm so scared that a HUGE part of me just wants to back out..... this love thing is just..... a nuissance..seriously.

Anyway, i want to tell him i'm really scared... but I don't know how to...

I want to tell him i'm excited but terrified at the same time..... part of me is eager to see how far this will go... and another part wants to pick up my skirts and run and never look back. He knows I really care about him... and I know he cares about me.....

oh and it's a long distance relationship... and we only see each other a couple times a month.... but it's always so worth it

ok, i'm blabbering..... I NEED Some advice! HELP!

That's what I wonder, too

Suzanne Reisman — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:47:48 -0600

At what point does being asked to change who you are stop being compromise (which is important to a relationship to a point) and start becoming control? When my mother-in-law started graying, my father-in-law, who is overall a very good guy, told her to start dying her hair, as he didn't marry a woman with gray. She felt that coloring her hair was a small concession she could make, and didn't mind, although I was horrified. Of course, she didn't marry a guy with a big bald spot, but she didn't see the point in asking him to grow his hair back when I suggested it. For them, it was a good compromise, but I think if he asked her to have a facelift or something like that, she'd be offended. Anyway, I hear you.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Oth

I just fell in love with him, too

Suzanne Reisman — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:42:22 -0600

What a beautiful story! I wish every person could have such a thoughtful and compassionate partner. Thanks so much for sharing.

Suzanne Reisman, Contributing Editor - Feminism & Gender Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Oth

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:28:38 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:27:35 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

I totally agree

cluelesscrafter — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:26:49 -0600

I totally agree that some things are just worth changing for when it comes to love. Once I was asked to change my face and so I did.

Easy as pie.

The only tragedy here was that I misheard what my partner said. Apparently it wasn't my face that was the problem, it was my race. What a mess.

As you may have surmised, we are no longer together.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

A personal story

kazari — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:09:03 -0600

Very early on in my relationship (which is now 9 years and counting), we ended up in his bedroom. I was thrilled and looking forward with anticipation... until I remembered the state of my legs. From memory, we'd just got back from a multi-day sailing trip or something, and I don't think I'd shaved my legs for a week.

I was horrified, and immediately switched gears, looking for a way out of the situation. When he insisted on knowing what the matter was, I couldn't even think of a decent lie, so I told him the truth.

He hugged me, and said he cared about what was in here (touching my head) and in here (touching my heart) and not about my legs at all.

I think I fell in love with him, just then.

http://myrope.wordpress.com

A worthwhile man would, I

mdilloway — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:07:57 -0600

A worthwhile man would, I think, be attracted to his partner with or without hair. What if she gets ingrown hairs? Would he still want her to go through the burden and pain? My husband says he likes me how *I* like me, and based on his response, I believe him. My hair (on my head as well) has been short, long, medium. I have gotten hugely overweight (70 lbs!) during three pregnancies and gotten back down to 18% body fat. My body has changed tremendously during the time we've been together. Through it all I have never, ever felt unattractive to him.

I think a woman should hold out for a mature man who will not want her to harm herself to please him, but will be pleased by her regardless of what she chooses to do with her body hair. Because if the man can get so worked up over pubic hair, what's going to happen when she gets stretch marks from having a baby or her breasts sink by gravity?

American Housewife www.margaretdilloway.com

Power Struggle

Bill Cammack — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:10:57 -0600

As in most dating scenarios, the key to this issue is which one wants to be in that particular relationship more, and why.

If the guy wants to be with the gal more than he wants to see and feel what he wants to see and feel (assuming he feels that way in the first place), then he's going to have to grin and bear it.

If the gal wants to be with that particular guy more than she wants to retain her Afro, then she's going to have to grin and bare it (ha ha, I made a funny :D).

Ultimately, these things should be discussed and figured out BEFORE people claim they're in a relationship with each other, not AFTER. :D If he doesn't like it, he's either not going to go near it very often (if at all) or he's going to exit the relationship ASAP (meaning as soon as he finds a different chick). If she's not willing to do something that turns her man on, the advice you gave is spot-on in that she needs to eject and find a different boyfriend.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

You rock, too!

Zandria — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 21:54:40 -0600

I'm sad to hear that you struggle with those feelings. We should all feel that way about ourselves, regardless of our relationship status. I'll be glad to put that affirmation in EVERY post, if it helps just one person feel better about themselves. :)

Personal blog: Zandria.us BlogHer blog: Singles/Fitness