BlogHer - dementia - Comments

Gary

Thankless Job — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:42:01 -0500

Hah!

Thanks! I really appreciate your support!

Gary himself nixed the laptop idea. He's our in-house tech support and he says he just can't spare the kind of time it would take to teach Maw even the very basics of computer use.

But I promised to invite Maw's sister (and family) up here for Thanksgiving. She seems satisfied with that for now.

Thankless

No he's not

Denise — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:41:04 -0500

I'm reading!

I don't have a single answer for the loneliness, not one single answer. But maybe setting her up with a Facebook account would help. It couldn't hurt... could it?

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Yep! Caregiving Aint fer sissies

zazupitts — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:07:34 -0500

Hugs to you! I have met the same shock, too, when I became a housemate with my elderly parents. It was like plunging into a new world -- much like the shock that a first-time mama feels when coming home with a newborn infant, I'm sure.

And trust me...after a whila, your son WILL look around and acknowledge that caregiving takes a lot of oevos (as we say in Arizona). Remind him (when he tells YOU what a man should be like) that a man's job is to protect and provide for the fragile.

My little niece watched us take care of our elders, and participated in the caregiving process. I'm sure that experience will imprint her with the model of love, mercy and grace. Your son will learn the same lesson, as well.

Living in Caregiverland

www.Caregiverland.com

Great advice, Zaz.

Nordette — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:11:36 -0500

I don't see the point in having a fit. You're so right about the calm voice. I gag easily, but try my best to dash from the room if I'm going to have a gagging episode. I'll make a point to drop by your site.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

I've sooo been there...

zazupitts — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:58:38 -0500

....minus the snake, of course.

Or....getting the panicky phone calls from a parent who has had another "accident," and needs help with a cleanup. They feel embarrassed about the situation, and acting annoyed will only shame them.

Putting a calm, matter--of-fact tone of voice really helps, doesn't it?

I would just recite, "That's what mops are for!", get out the rubber gloves and start scrubbing.

Your parents are very lucky to have a daughter like you!

Living in Caregiverland

www.Caregiverland.com

Dementia Patient Spending Sprees: what to do????

gladlenise — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 07:22:35 -0500

My Mom was diagnosed with dementia by a neurologist about a year ago; its not advanced and she lives alone. I spend several hours each day with her by leaving work early, and that way, I've been able to monitor and assist her with daily needs. I had taken over her monthly bills for her ... she's on fixed income and we do not have much in the way of financial resources. Yesterday, Mom just went down and withdrew about half of the funds for upcoming April bills and went on a spending spree yesterday: I don't know what to do. I've been having that problem with her and trying hard to talk to her about it. I cannot afford to keep covering her on the monthly shortfalls. I don't know what to do. The shut-off notices will be coming, but I'm not going to be able to afford them. Mom does not understand that with only $600, she cannot go on spending sprees and still have enough to cover her monthly expenses. She can still cook for herself and bathe and dress herself, and she does not get lost. But she does get terribly confused and combative at times. I can't help her with her monthly expenses, when she goes down and withdraws mostly everything as soon as the monthly auto-deposit is recorded. Does anyone have any suggestions on the financial problem I have with her? I already have the POA's, etc., but they're not much good under these circumstances. Has anyone else been through this? Thanks.

My 80 year old m-i-l lives

slanoue — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 10:46:59 -0600

My 80 year old m-i-l lives with us. I work at home, so I am with her more than her son, who works outside the home and is gone most of the day. She and I get along fine, but it sure can be aggravating to live with her because of the dementia since she gets confused so easily. They both are in a bit of denial about the dementia, even though her doctor said she had it. I try not to get frustrated because she can't help being so aggravating. It makes things worse that she is very deaf and pretty blind as well. Despite all this, she is pretty independent and ambulatory. One day she will go into a home, but right now she can pretty much take care of herself, as long as we are around to help her now and then.

I was looking for the info

slanoue — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 10:41:55 -0600

I was looking for the info about humming, too. I found some at http://bjp.rcpsych.org/cgi/content/full/180/2/140

My m-i-l is 80 and lives with us. She has dementia but not very advanced yet. She hums quite often and says she doesn't know that she's doing it. We keep asking her to quit, she apologizes and stops for a while.

Thanks,

Suzanne Lanoue

humming in seniors

NancyJ29 — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 19:44:26 -0500

I'd love to know more about what brings on this phenomenon. My mom is 89 and a stroke survivor. She started humming about a year ago. I'm sure she doesn't know how much she does it, but it's as natural (and frequent) as exhaling. She used to do it just when she was trying to get up and walk from point a to point b (I would jokingly refer to it as my "Mom on the move" signal). Now it's pretty much all the time, but more pronounced when she's concentrating on something.

Yeah she was always paranoid..

Crunchy Carpets — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:29:43 -0500

and the dementia has made it worse and she will carry a grudge like NOBODY'S business...THAT she can remember.

She just also refuses to look after herself...which is why she ended up in care in the first place.

So the dementia has made her old traits worse...maybe that is how it works...

Nobody was sure she had dementia as she has acted 'flakey' for as long as I knew her.

It wasn't until her daughter was ill and then died that I had to lay it out for her..that if she couldn't feed or take care of herself we would have to put her in a home..(I have small kids - was not going to take her on)....

I don't think she really realized it all till we had her assessed.

So she has gotten even more stubborn and more distrustful and we are all out to get her...very tough.

And thanks about the pic!!

hehe underwear..youz doin it wrong!

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com

So Glad You're Here

midlifemuse — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:51:00 -0500

Laurie--

I'm so glad you're in this discussion thread bringing much-needed advice and valuable resources. How to communicate with dementia patients could--and maybe--should be it's own lengthy discussion.

Karen

Visit me at Midlife's A Trip.

Visit Caring.com

midlifemuse — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:41:46 -0500

NurseBarb--

Thanks for the heads up on Caring.com. Just stopped over there and found an amazing wealth of info that caregivers can use. Will add this to my blogroll. Looking forward to your feedback on the podcast.

Karen

Visit me at Midlife's A Trip.

Thanks for Your Acknowledgement

midlifemuse — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:30:05 -0500

You know, I often find myself writing things in my blog posts that I haven't said out loud. It's helped me find my voice. So thanks for acknowledging my comment about my mother. I haven't really shared that with anyone and now I shared it with the world. Go figure.

Thank you Comfort Keeper for the much-needed, often under-appreciated work you do to help care for Alzheimer's and dementia patients. It's God's work.

Karen

Visit me at Midlife's A Trip.

Caregiver Are Everyday Heroes

midlifemuse — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:23:23 -0500

Cynthia--

I know what you mean about that worrying. Recently my daughter-in-law said that if I was ever not able to care for myself, she and my son would step in. It was oddly reassuring but who wants to be a burden. So like you, I take fish oil and try to keep my brain really active.

People like the family you mention are truly everyday heroes as they step in to do the "heavy lifting"--the day to day caregiving of aging parents. That's how I feel about Mary Ellen and others like her.

Thanks for your insights.

Karen

Visit me at Midlife's A Trip.

Dementia Behavior

midlifemuse — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 21:09:54 -0500

Wow. I'm so glad you mentioned the behavior issues with your husband's grandmother. Do you think it's more personality changes from the dementia than her just being stubborn? It's something I don't usually talk about but we've seen the same thing with my mom. I hate to admit it, but she can be incredibly difficult. And she can remember more negative stuff than anyone I know. Somehow the dementia took away more good memories than bad. I really wish she could be more at peace at this point.

BTW--love the nap picture and no I don't think your daughter will hate you :-)

Karen

Visit me at Midlife's A Trip.