BlogHer - marriage - Comments

if he asks for space....but you live together

annacorrado — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 00:59:19 -0600

My boyfriend recently asked for space, but we live together. What do I do?

On the fence and scared

jpolk1 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 17:26:44 -0600

Had my first very young, and have been through single motherhood. Now married to phenomenal man who, surprise surprise wants us to have kids together. Ok. I knew this going into our marriage. Sometimes I'm really excited about it, and sometimes I'm scared out of pumps! There are days when I look at him and think about how much love our family has to offer a child and how much I miss my daughter, now 10, being a baby. There are a lot more days where I'm exhausted from work, tired of juggling and cannot imagine adding another child, no less an infant, to the mix.

It doesn't surprise me

clueless newlywed — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:45:39 -0600

Ya know...It doesn't surprise me that single people have less sex...Think about it...They have to really work to have sex. My single girl friends have to get dolled up, and hit a bar that has other attractive, single men. (Half the battle right there!) And even if they do find a bar with attractive, single men, they then have to make eye contact and flirt and all that. All married ladies have to do is turn to their partner and say, "Are you in the mood?"

The Clueless Newlywed, Nikki Flores

Thank you, Sage.

Nordette — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:21:50 -0500

I'm glad you dropped by.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

It's hard to compare since

Nordette — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:20:01 -0500

It's hard to compare since blacks in South Africa are actually the majority who were oppressed by the minority. I don't think America will change in quite the same ways. It appears eventually its majority will be people of color from many different ethnic groups, but unless these groups also wield great economic power, we wont' see a power shift that's anything more than window dressing. The power shift may be necessary, but it's not nearly as important to me as people treating each other with more respect whether rich or poor, black or white, majority or minority.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

That's funny.

Nordette — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:14:59 -0500

Thank you for the chuckle, for reading, and for commenting. I hope you got a chance to read Part 2. It's a little lighter, but some long quotes may be Excedrin worthy.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

Thank you. :-)Nordette Adams

Nordette — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:12:45 -0500

Thank you. :-)

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

Red is the COLOR of blood!

sagesweetwater — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:25:17 -0500

Top-notch article. In depth look at our society on the issues of racism and the clarification of 'racist'. The Justice of the Peace to me, is clearly a racist and harbors a clear resentment towards a union between an interracial couple. Red is the color of blood that runs through all of our veins and we are quite capable of mixing those bloodlines in holy matrimony and conception...

Sage Sweetwater, Celebrity Firebrand Lesbian Novelist
http://www.authorsden.com/sagesweetwater

Steve Biko

mashadutoit — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:19:15 -0500

These are the thoughts that I was exposed to for the first time reading Steve Biko's "I write what I like" as a teenager.

I wonder what he would have said today - especially his link between racism and institutionalised power. In both our countries, I dont think that institutionalised power has been changed enough simply by having black people occupying positions in those institutions.

Will it always be like that? Can we ever move out of this shadow?

Over here, Biko's black conciousness arguments are losing their power as things are in fact changing, and the balance of power is shifting. And then what comes next? Will it ever happen in America?

You make me think...

LucindaA — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:55:38 -0500

You make this white girl's brain hurt with all the thinking you make me do when you write. lol I love how well you explain your points because honestly my experience doesn't allow me to "get" it a lot of the time. I have never read racism explained that way. I think I have been operating with the wrong definition.

You expand my horizens, and while I have a love/hate relationship with that (because it forces you to face sometimes painful truths), I so appreciate what you write and always find myself reading it.

Beautiful poem - thank you!

angelawd — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:44:16 -0500

This is a beautiful poem, and one that encouraged me, too. I have been thinking lately about the verses beginning "Two is better than one..."; in my current difficult times I see how my husband and I support each other with God's help.

angelawd: the writer gets the last word

: )

Willful Woman — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 09:34:50 -0500

You rock.

Always a... Willful Woman @ www.besidethestonewall.com Visitors always welcome! Bring your stories to share!

You are actually modeling good communication

micrimas — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 07:06:14 -0500

I started to read this yesterday but chaos reigned supreme given I have toddler twin boys.

We are like you and rarely argue. My DH travels so he is rarely home during the week. On the weekends, if we have issues they are usually the ordinary ones that people living together normally have.

I guess it's how you communicate the irritation, modeling it for the kids, that will transcend into something positive for the future should they have disagreements with you, each other, their peers, their future teachers, etc. etc.

Modeling polite irritation, spoken with respect vs. harsh words coupled with verbal abuse is much better if you are going to argue in front of the kids.

The thing that gets me the most the the "trail of stuff" he leaves as he prepares meals. I know that what bugs him about me is that I leave a huge stack of my clothes to be hung for like a week before I bother to get to it... we both know these things bug each other and try... but you know, living with someone, whether it be a parent, sibling, spouse, partner, friend, child... there will always be disagreements of some sort.

It's how honest you are in sorting out the issues and how respectful you are towards the other person as you sort them out -- that goes a long way and really, you can't avoid the random squabble.

I love what you wrote at the end about growing stronger through the work of reconciliation. At the same token, there are times when reconciliation is impossible (a la Jon and Kate) but playing them out in front of others isn't appropriate...

Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo

http://micrimas.blogspot.com

Sometimes Men should go back where they came from! lol

naisi — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:57:23 -0500

NAISI

I just read your post and I love it, just what I needed today!!! Okay, married almost 30 yrs and it seriously gets worse each yr not better. Not sure what romance is but hey it doesn't matter that I'm tired from dealing with everything including getting a new job, animals, kids, mother, in-laws etc. I'm still suppose to do all the "woman" things and then strut into that bedroom being the vixen!

All I would like is alittle romance, you know when he walks in the door he actually comes to find me and says, "hey Babe, love ya missed ya" and gives you a hug....nope don't get that goes outside to hang with the guys, makes fun of me doesn't help with any household chores cause he is now working more hours(yeah, I'm one the one with the bonbons on the couch all day...right...wouldn't know what a bonbon was if it bit me in the butt).

But come night-time I still suppose to want to ...do it!! NO hugs, cuddling not allowed etc etc....the caveman has emerged after all these yrs and truly tired of him.

I dream of running away from it all and find a man who at least realizes I have a brain, not too bad looking and can engage in real conversation....look for him to stare into my eyes and drool a little too...won't be that bad. Hey, actually bring me bonbons and a flower would be nice.

Men sometimes need to go back to Mars and stay there until they realize it's a priviledge to be able to be with us from Venus. They are so dense they don't realize that just a smile, a hug and a "I missed you". ...is really all it takes.

Not off point at all

House of Clams — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 17:50:04 -0500

It reminds me of something my partner Michael was saying about a catching up with a Facebook friend last night that she had recently divorced after 11 years of marriage, "the last seven of them unhappy." And he asked, "Why would someone squander so many years in a dead marriage?"

For the sake of the children? Why, exactly? To portray marriage to them as an exemplar of misery, an inescapable cage? You're too right: How much better the short-term pain of ripping that bandage and showing your children two free adults who've chosen life on their own terms instead of clinging to vows they can no longer abide. Trust me, I'm ALL for what's better for kids, and it's definitely not two miserable parents trapped in a loveless marriage. . .

I can't imagine if your work makes you exceptionally jaded or exceptionally wise. I *do* know that one of my favorite movies EVER is "Intolerable Cruelty". . . ;-)

Tracy