BlogHer - alcoholism - Comments

Best wishes to you

raisedqueer — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 08:23:56 -0600

I wanted to say that I can't imagine what you must be feeling as you anticipate how your meeting will go. I've been the recipient before of an AA member making amends and it's really a humbling experience, for all involved.

I wish you peace on your journey.

http://raisedqueer.squarespace.com

Societal Pressure

Bill Cammack — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 00:25:00 -0500

Women are under a lot of pressure from society to NOT do what they want to do with their own bodies. Once they internalize that pressure, it's tough to get over making themselves feel guilty about something they never should have had to feel guilty about in the first place. It makes sense that they might require some "liquid courage" to relax their minds and just BE themselves.

Similarly, guys are under a lot of pressure to kick it to girls, and attractive girls at that. Lots of guys use "liquid courage" to get over the absolute fear of talking to a gal and trying to get a date, sex or whatever floats their boats.

You're right that much is lost to alcohol. I introduced myself to a gal that mysteriously arrived with mutual friends of mine to a hangout and she was like "We already met". I seriously attempted to recall meeting her, but, nothing. I told her I didn't think we had met before and she told me what party it was. I had definitely been at that party and remembered BEING at that party, so my only question to her was "Did you get there really late?". Her answer was "yes", after which I informed her that I had arrived at the party around 7pm and had been drinking for about 5 hours straight before she walked in. I had ZERO recollection of talking to her, but I suppose I approached her at that party for the same reason I approached her at this one. ;)

Anyway, I don't think alcohol is the problem. I think that if it ever happens that women in general get out from under the stigma associated with being sexual people, we'll see the numbers in surveys like this even out between drunk sex and sober sex.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

On a school night?

Expat Mum — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:03:17 -0500

What this survey included were married women with busy schedules and children roaming round the house at all hours. Sex on a school night? Are you mad? Do you know what time I have to get up? Drinking on a school night? Ditto.

Therefore, it isn't surprising that there was such a strong link between alcohol and sex for many women. It's all about the schedule!

A passionate argument...

snigdhasen — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 23:39:38 -0500

...against the bottle, indeed :) I don't drink (may a couple sips in a year or two), and I was moved!
I'll let the sex part be: as you said, sex can mean different things for different people. But the cracks in memory are quite compelling. Lucky that you wrote out your life. Wonder what people who don't have the instinct to chronicle their lives do for all those lost memories...

About the survey, I wouldn't put much thought to it. But it offered up an excuse for a great post from you :)

In my thoughts...

Laracolvin — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 13:13:34 -0500

because it isn't just a terrifying time for Spencer; it must be a lonely and scary one for you, too. Much peace as you continue to eat your fear. And much peace to Spencer when he finds the courage once again to do the same.

Lara

Notions of Identity

My dear, thank you for that

avflox — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:21:27 -0500

My dear, thank you for that e-mail with the words I wrote to you in 2004, by the way. I want to put it here because of how much it resonates with me and because it is such a needful reminder I don't want to lose it again.

There is so much to be said for those moments that catch us with our guards down. The walls of the cities of our interior take a long time to build up again and sometimes in our haste, we build them so they topple at the touch of wind. You are strong, darling, and worthy of love because you do not regret. You are aware of the healing process. You shall be as Moscow, a city that has been burnt down time and time again, invaded, its Kreml and heart taken and nearly disappeared. But you rise, too, just like the city. Again and again, each time stronger than the last so that every experience you have lived becomes a part of your emotional culture.

To new beginings. To metamorphoses. To Moscow and to the phoenix. Unica semper avis? Not quite--not when I have a home in friends like you.

Thank you for taking the

avflox — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:18:14 -0500

Thank you for taking the time to come by and share in this process with me, my dear.

This is our journey.

avflox — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:17:17 -0500

This is our journey. Finally, I welcome it. I'm ready.

Perhapsthose gray areas serve to keep us on our toes, certain that we are walking in the direction we must walk, the direct that fills us and enriches us.

I did wear it. And I felt

avflox — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 05:14:20 -0500

I did wear it. And I felt whole.

Stay tuned!

avflox — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:16:43 -0500

Stay tuned!

So???

ktprince — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 19:25:06 -0500

Did he like the hat?

But are you really beige? I

avflox — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:49:36 -0500

But are you really beige? I know other people see you as beige, but I never have. You're not center stage, but that doesn't mean that you don't smolder like the daughter of Life that you are.

Here is to finding ourselves. Let's have coffee or lunch soon.

It has yet to come

hushprelude — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 14:41:44 -0500

I don't feel I have lived through a major life changing event. I have yet to confront myself and ask who am I? I have only become the person I am through observation of others. I adapt easily and I am easy going, but I am not a person you see. I don't have enough life experience to say I will find myself soon. And I'm just realizing how ordinary I sound and vanilla and not yellow, and yet I've always wanted to be yellow. Perhaps this is why the vanillas are always attracted to the yellows. They want to know how to live.

Unica Semper Avis

abartelby — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 19:01:50 -0500

I think you touched on precisely what I have always disliked about any major life change, regardless of what good decisions I am making for myself. Because you know there will be an absence, of something, or someone, and with the absence comes the necessary redefinition of ourselves in the face of the void. Because there is a void to navigate. And that can be horrifying, whether it's taking leave of a man we know is not good for us, saying good-bye to the bottle, or leaving our homes of many years.

But I think you've also proved what's most important to remember: the redefinition of ourselves always happens again. No matter how many voids we must navigate. If we know ourselves, we'll make it back to them, or redefine them again, successfully.

Unica semper avis, etc.

Thank you for sharing this with such characteristic brutal honesty, and for that reminder.

+ + +

Atherton Bartelby, Curious Affairs

Thank you

Mata H — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:14:13 -0500

What brilliant writing! What an open heart! Thank you for both.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool