BlogHer - teens - Comments

I believe it was a segment

InkAndPixelClub — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:12:30 -0500

I believe it was a segment on this morning's "Morning Edition," if that helps.

Sara

http://www.inkandpixelclub.com

I've shared some of my own experiences with my son

Devra Renner — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:08:58 -0500

I don't think my guidelines are rocket science, so I'm not surprised to hear anyone else has similar ones. I agree that clunky, and even cute, acronyms with hard to remember sentences are a waste of time for teens. (and me too!) My kids tend to respond to one word reminders, the shorter is better. For example, if my kidsa are chewing with their mouths open all I have to say is "lips" and they know exactly what's going on and I get a closed mouth smile returned to me.

Overcommunication isnt' a terrible thing, but for many teens all they hear when we parents get into lecture mode is blah blah blah Facebook, blah blah blah your friends blah blah blah grounded. Better to ask teens questions such as "Do you know anyone who's having run ins with their parents about FB?" or "What do you want to do about this?" We can give advice till we're blue in the face, but my experience working with teens is they don't want advice, they want a sounding board so they can think it through. Our role is to guide them along so they understand the process of decision making and consequences

I'll have to hunt down the NPR program and listen now that you mentioned it. Thank you!. www.parentopia.com/blog

Your policies sound very

InkAndPixelClub — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:49:32 -0500

Your policies sound very smart and reasonable and I'm glad that your son was able to learn that he needs to think about who will see what he types and how they might interpret it in a way that didn't end up having major reprecussions. I think every parent is going to need to decide for themselves what level of control to exercise and how much freedom to give, but I believe your guidelines are a good starting point. I also think Facebook is a better starting place for kids who want to explore social networking than say, a standard blog. I believe Facebook's default setting is that only friends can see what you post, while blogs are largely out there for the whole internet to see.

Interestingly enough, NPR just had a piece about this very subject and the woman speaking about it suggested guidelines very similar to yours. Unfortunately, she also had this rather clunky "WAIT" acronym for kids to use when considering what to post and what not to, where instead of standing for easy to recall phrases, the letters stood for lengthy sentences starting with words like "Would" and "If," making it pretty hard to recall the intended message.

Adults need to learn these lessons too! I've had situations where friends have posted material without thinking about who might see it and what the consequences of the wrong person seeing it might be. Right now, I have a friend whose Facebook status is "(x) is moving to (y)," with "y" being an out of state location. No further explanation. Naturally, her friends are all wondering exactly what this means. Is she really leaving, or just expressing a desire - either fleeting or serious - to move?

Sara

www.inkandpixelclub.com

Passwords

Susan Getgood — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:47:32 -0500

My son relies on ME to keep track of his passwords without prompting. Hopefully he'll feel the same way when it comes to Facebook in 4 (ouch) years.

Susan Getgood blogs at Marketing Roadmaps - getgood.com/roadmaps, Snapshot Chronicles - snapshotchronicles.com and Snapshot Chronicles Roadtrip - snapshotchronicles.com/roadtrip. She is a co-founder of BlogwithIntegrity.com

So happy you shared this!

Devra Renner — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 09:11:19 -0500

This is such a familiar feeling to me. It's the same feeling I get when another parent tells me they were volunteering in the classroom and how impressed they were with my son's manners. It's a comfort knowing the social skills we expect (even if they aren't always meeting that expectation!) at home are being applied when my son knows he isn't under a watchful eye, so to speak.

www.parentopia.com/blog

brilliant

arttrav — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:28:44 -0500

I am not a parent, but I am a teacher. And this article makes me SO HAPPY. You are teaching your son the rules of social engagement in the online world, which will make him well prepared for corporate life if he goes there. Sure, our ways of communication will continue to evolve; when he goes to work in 10 years things will be different. But to think before you post (or talk), like the example of the offer from a new coach, is an invaluable lesson.

www.arttrav.com

When the time comes...

EcoChic — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 22:39:09 -0500

Although I don't even have children yet, I found your post so interesting and well put - it's great to see good advice that is very similar to what I grew up with (even though it was far before the days of Facebook - or personal computers even). I think it's really important that parents embrace the technology and culture changes that we're living through WITH their children, and instill in them the balance between priveledge and responsibility. Well done!

EcoChic

www.ecosavvydesign.com

My Facebook Lurking Uncovered Comforting Info About My Kid

Gina Carroll — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 18:44:48 -0500

My older kids started on Facebook when it was only available to college students. We, thus, have had years of discussion about discretion (employers are accessing those pages) and safety (be careful the information you are disclosing about yourself). I've held out on allowing Facebook for my younger kids because, as your post illustrates, younger kids just aren't consistent with their judgment and foresight.

All of my teens are facebooking now. I am relaxed about it because I did some thorough investigating recently. A few months ago, my middle daughter left her facebook account open on MY computer. I took her oversight as an invitation and I spent hours on there looking at her page and every single one of her friend's (including her siblings)...and every single one of their friend's pages. I had to conclude that she hangs with some pretty wonderful kids. I told her so..and other than the privacy breach on my part, she was happy to hear it!

Facebook Barbie

Devra Renner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:02:05 -0500

She's heading your way. All of her friends will be the Disney Princesses. heh heh www.parentopia.com/blog

The information exchange is a different

Devra Renner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:35:10 -0500

For a while I was ahead of my kids technologically, but eventually I suspect it will be them teaching me about the newest stuff and not the other way around. I'll be writing a post on that issue in the future and will expand on it quite a bit. www.parentopia.com/blog

I'm so lucky.

Rita Arens — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:34:19 -0500

I'm getting to read all this stuff and educate myself BEFORE the Facebook world hits my house. My five-year-old's Barbies are still just updating their blogs.

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.

Only for emergencies

Devra Renner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 16:33:32 -0500

I know my son's passwords for all of their online activities. Mainly so if they lose their password the can find it easily. Although when April comes around, it might be a little tempting to mess with them a little. Hold me back! www.parentopia.com/blog

Facebook isn't a necessity

Devra Renner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:59:07 -0500

I do believe my kids are entitled to privacy, I don't go reading my son's wall to check up on what his friends are saying nor do I insert myself into his conversations by asking him about what his friiends post. More like I file away some of that stuff for later, it's a lot like driving carpool and quietly listening as all the kids talk. I pick up a lot that way without ever having to pry or make it obvious I am listening.

My reason for having his password and being his friend is so he has it in the back of his mind that I am present and available. There is a fine line when it comes to adolescents and their privacy. But at the same time, I want my kids to understand that with an increase in independance comes an increase in responsibility as well as societal expectations of their onlline behavior. I want my son to have similar manners online as he does IRL. My goal isn't to be a helicopter parent, I dont' have time for that, I need to keep up with my own friends from high school on FB, I don't want to have to keep up with my son's friends too! ; )www.parentopia.com/blog

Totally agree!

Devra Renner — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:48:38 -0500

I remember clearly being in a BlogHer session when someone, I wish I could remember who, said "If you think you are anonymous online, think again."

www.parentopia.com/blog

I'm a less is more mom but much less than you...

Denise — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:47:27 -0500

When my three older kids went online, they had LiveJournals and MySpace accounts and I did not read them. I friended my oldest daughter on MySpace because she friended me first. I had very firm personal rules against reading anything on their live journal pages or myspace pages unless they specifically told me to go look.

With Facebook, I'm friends with all three of them because they friended me first. I interact with them on Facebook because they interacted with me first. (They are all adult children now - but back in the LiveJournal/Myspace days, they were not.)

With the three younger ones - only two are teens. Neither have Facebook pages (the oldest one says Facebook is stupid.) They both have blogs and I read their blogs (well the Prince's blog bores me because I'm so not into Anime or Japanese so I don't read it all of the time, lol.) I'll only friend them on Facebook (if they get accounts) if they friend me first (I suspect they will friend me but I don't know that for sure and I won't get my feelings hurt if they un-friend me.) :-)

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings