BlogHer - tweens - Comments

Thank you...

micrimas — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:38:09 -0500

I have been mentoring for decades and take the boys with me. I work exclusively with girls now. There is a student/teen center in my town in which we volunteer (me and the boys, a living example of how hard it is to parent, the kids play w/them for 5 minutes then put them down... I don't have to say a word about how hard it is, they see it!) and I help the girls with homework or whatever else they need. Guidance, a shoulder, whatever.

The boys have been volunteering with me since they were 5 months old and the center opened. I have quite a few mentees under my wing and yesterday, one of my mentees and I (she being off of school) took the boys to an apple orchard/pumpkin patch, got a ride on a wagon, did some really fun things. She loved it, as did the boys and I. The boys adore her, and I love her very much. Her family, too. I bought her family apples and cider donuts to take home. We painted pumpkins with fingerpaint and she took one home... very proud (she is 16).

Everything I do with her, the littlest things, are self-esteem building.

Anyone interested in mentoring can find a place where kids needs a soft shoulder in your area - mentoring.org

You will be criminally background checked at least once a year, since you are working with kids. It is the most rewarding thing I have done. The boys so benefit. They are learning without me saying... how to give back. And having fun with the kids as well!

It is going to be very hard for me to give the boys "the talk". I want them to wait for marriage also. It's very hard to know if how we live our lives will positively impact them or if outside influences or peer pressure will affect them. It's scary but all I can do is keep the faith! We are planting the seeds now, as parents, that will help them make wise decisions and be compassionate towards others, always!

Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo

http://micrimas.blogspot.com

I loved this entry. It was

MommyWriter — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:42:11 -0500

I loved this entry. It was nothing if not thought provoking. It was also very scary. I think to myself all the time - what will I tell my son when the time comes? Will I give him condoms? How will I respond if & when I catch him in bed with another girl, or find the used condom under his bed or whatever? I don't know. All I know is I am a firm believer in waiting until marriage. I wish I did. And I don't know many people who don't wish they'd waited. I know faith has to be a facot in this somewhere. Telling myself it's a lost cause and abstinence until marriage is impossible won't help matters. At least that's where I stand for now. Until then I'm praying on it. When the time comes I trust that God will help me handle the situation appropriately.

Kudos to you on your work mentoring teens. That's something I'm very passionate about - but at the moment don't have the time to do since I spend all my time with my own little one.

-Dominique. Ambassador for Christ.Wife.Mother.Woman.Writer. I blog at Searching for Freelance Success.

just one thing...

dancingfool15 — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 14:14:56 -0500

i totally agree with all of these EXCEPT for number 9. if you dont plan on bringing your teen with you shopping, you can plan on doing a lot of returns and definetly an unhappy child. im not saying to spoil them, but keep in mind appearance does have an effect on their self-esteem. you dont want your teen going to school in clothes they hate and having that take a blow on their confidence. try and find a happy medium. happy shopping!

helpful information

midnightbliss — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:03:40 -0500

helpful and useful information, not only for shopping for your teens but also in general.

Great tips!

MyShape — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 13:47:21 -0500

Although I don't have teenagers...yet... I think that a lot of these tips, like searching ebay and online retailers for cheaper prices can apply to all aspects of shopping. I really found the tips helpful for my life NOW, so I can only imagine how helpful they'll be when I actually HAVE teenagers. Thanks!

MyShape- a better way to shop for looks that fit & flatter you!

www.myshape.com

School clothes

Middle Aged Woman — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:59:59 -0500

Every year, the sixth graders that I teach dress alike, the girls anyway. The boys are much more adventurous. The years I wear out quickly seem to be the Hollister/Abercrombie intensive years.

I always hit up the thrift

blackbird — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 19:32:09 -0500

I always hit up the thrift shops for concert clothes - and don't forget places like Payless for formal footwear. My guys need black dress shoes three times a year and I've always done well at Target/Walmart/Payless.

You just miss her!

TheLoveIdiot — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:58:46 -0500

Wow! What a beautiful, insightful piece Laura! It has so many different kinds of emotions, yet the one between a mother and daughter is the most transcending. That relationship is a pleasurable one, yet can also be heartbreaking at times; especially when they are out of diapers and wearing the latest fashion.

You mentioned you weren't trying to be funny, then right after the eyeball rotations you jump straight in with the scratching of the back and Swat! Oh the humor! It is so funny to me because I can relate so much and I don't even have a daughter, but three grown babymen, yes even the five year old and he is already at that, "Scratch my back Papi." At least he still asks me to read him bedtime stories.

I believe God made it that they come out babies. That way we fall so in love with them that we can't fall out. We mesmerize ourselves in keeping them, that when they want to walk a life of their own, we frown upon them. It is life, yet it is love, and whether it feels like a scam or not, I am delighted to have been given this gift.

Love that dog

sassymonkey — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 06:16:59 -0500

I like the idea of Love that Dog and Hate that Cat being read by the whole grade. Isn't it great when books take like wildfire over a classroom?

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Yay Cybils

sassymonkey — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 06:13:05 -0500

When are you going to read The Explosionist? I liked that one.

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Book recommendations

PinkLockerMom — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 07:09:51 -0500

My 11-year-old son raved about Love That Dog and Hate That Cat, two books by Sharon Creech. It seems like the whole 5th grade was reading them.

Also, I'd like to recommend a novel I wrote for tween girls about puberty. It's available for free online, in its entirety, at www.pinklockersociety.org. It was medically reviewed by the experts at KidsHealth.org, where I work, and it's been well received by girls.

Happy reading!

My recommendation...

Denise — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 16:43:57 -0500

Just hit the Cybils short list. I've been working my way through the entire short list and I'm loving every second of it.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Two different posts, I think.

Rita Arens — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:51:15 -0600

Your reaction and Nelle's reaction make me think this should've been broken into two separate posts -- one on sex education and one on young adult female sexuality. It's good food for thought. Because yes, while I was joking in my title and don't feel bad that I wrote it, I don't feel bad because in my world, abuse doesn't exist, and I was writing about my husband and my daughter.

That said, it pains me that not everyone lives in a family where fatherly concern is balanced by feminism on the part of both father and mother. This is one of those situations in which you joke until you realize how completely sheltered your life really is. I appreciate you guys bringing that to my attention. It wasn't my intention to be crass, but I may have come off as that. I apologize for that.

I'm not sure I'm the one to write the young adult female sexuality post. I'm not sure I have the right perspective, as this one has been pretty cut-and-dry for me in my experience. Who wants to write it, BlogHer?

Rita Arens writes at Surrender Dorothy and BlogHer and is the editor of Sleep is for the Weak.

Violence against young women because of their sexuality

Liz Henry — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:20:48 -0600

I know you meant it as a joke, but to me at least, the title of your post just isn't funny. Providing support and guidance to teenagers is one thing, joking like their sexuality is your property to control is another! I love the substance of your post and I admire your attitude towards giving your daughter access to education and information and empowerment.

But to address the bit you joke about: What should a mom do if she's married to a guy who starts to freak out over a daughter's sexuality? How can he be educated? What do you do, how do you know, when he's gone over the line into being abusive of your daughter? Because that happens an awful lot, and it is one of the factors that drive young women to homelessness from being kicked out or running away from abuse from a father, that can end up badly in dependence on men and sex work for example. How to educate our husbands and the fathers of our children? It's not always the boyfriends who are the problem in this equation. Maybe a subject for a whole other post!

-----------------
Liz Henry
lizzard@bookmaniac.net
Contributing Editor, World and Latin America

Puppy loved turning into marriage

AmberS — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:40:37 -0600

"(That didn't mean So-and-So's son was any less horny than a stranger. He wasn't.)"

That made me laugh. :)

I started dating my husband when I was 14, a few days before my 15th birthday. He's still the only person I've ever really dated. So when I think about what age to 'let' my daughter date, I have to take my experience into account. I didn't expect to meet and fall in love with my husband at so young an age, and I certainly didn't see us headed to the altar until several years after we got together.

I think discounting teenaged romance as superficial or setting arbitrary limits is not always helpful. As you point out, kids are pretty good at circumventing those limits in any case. And you never know what puppy love will turn into.

~ Amber