BlogHer - oprah - Comments

I agree.

abgirl — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:43:23 -0500

I posted my comment before reading yours, but I totally agree. Masturbation is a private thing that everyone discovers on their own. Certainly don't tell your kids that it's wrong or dirty, but there's another extreme too. I'm not a prude for thinking that I have no place giving my (hypothetical) 14 year old daughter a vibrator and I'm not going to feel bad for being uncomfortable with the idea. It's just a very private, intimate thing.

I was comfortable talking to my mom about most things too, but I could never imagine talking about masturbation. I don't think that's a bad thing. The aim that Dr. Berman was talking about seemed to be to make sure your teenage girl is confident, in control of her body and not going to seek acceptance from boys by being pressured into sex. My mom, and you, must have found another way to do that because that's certainly how I was and how I'm sure your daughters were. :)

Reality check...

abgirl — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:26:43 -0500

First off, I don't have kids and I probably won't ever have them, so I don't want to seem presumptuous. But I'm also 20 years old and not far away from being a kid/teen myself so I think I can speak with a reasonable perspective on a touchy issue like this one.

My mom did a great job talking to me about feelings and making sure I had a realistic view on love and relationships, and let me know I could ask her about anything I wanted. But as far as the practical aspects of things went, i.e. protection from pregnancy and STDs, she didn't cover it, and I quite frankly didn't need my mother for that. Perhaps we have better sex-ed in Canada or something, but I received lots of reliable information from school about safe sex. I also learned about it in magazines like Seventeen and the other teen magazines my mother bought for me. It was on TV. It was in pamphlets at the doctor's office. It was on the internet. It was in books at the library. It was quite frankly in my face everywhere I went. Lack of reliable information is not an issue here.

Of course, teen pregnancy and STDs certainly ARE an issue in my area of the world, but I'm telling you--it's not a lack of education or information. Kids know that if they don't use a condom correctly bad things can happen, they know about birth control, they know the morning after pill is available if something went wrong, they know they can get tested for STDs, etc. If there is an issue with information it's that kids are so oversaturated with it that they're not paying attention anymore.

The problem is what has always been the problem with teenagers: they think they're invincible. Something like getting pregnant, or contracting HIV may happen to other people but it won't happen to THEM. Laziness is a factor too. And then there's the issue of girls purposely getting pregnant, which is happening all over the place, but of course that's another blog post and a couple of books on top of that.

Now, as far as masturbation, well, same thing. My mom didn't talk about masturbating or encourage me to do it, but the magazines I read, the information I read on the Internet, and the TV shows I saw sure did. I don't think my mom could have told me anything about masturbation or vibrators at 14 or 15 that I didn't already know. It would have been a totally pointless exercise in awkwardness.

It's all well and good to go on Oprah and talk about giving your daughter a vibrator or to write a blog post about it. But I fully agree with the commenter Atena: get over your ego as a parent and realize that you don't control the information your daughter gets nor how she thinks about it. Someone else is likely teaching your daughter about masturbation and vibrators and loving her body as we speak. She'd probably be mortified if you did it and the conversation wouldn't accomplish anything. For Pete's sake don't needlessly embarrass your kids.

http://www.brendasblogfrompar

brendaparaguay — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 09:36:41 -0500

http://www.brendasblogfromparaguay.com/

I used to love Oprah and plan my day to watch her. But her arrogance and disinclination to recognize when she is wrong has made it increasingly difficult for me to tolerate her show.

She is a beautiful, elegant woman with so much potential for good, but no one is perfect, no ones advice infallible.

Wow

ShoreBookworm — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:03:35 -0500

Wow again. On just so many levels.

I just came to this thread from the bump it got today and I am really glad I did, it is so thought provoking.

My first reaction is shock at how much passion (no pun intended) this subject induced. I can see it being somewhat controversial and arguable, but I am truly surprised by the level of contentiousness the discussion rose to. That is rather disappointing actually. Sexuality and reproductive responsibility are such crucial subjects for our society. Hearing each other and listening to different points of view can be so valuable to our growth as a culture. 'Cause we're not doing such a spectacular job right now, are we?

Then there is my personal reaction. Personal, as in right for ME, not something you have to take and apply to your own life. And not such an outlandish point of view that I am likely to do any great harm to the world by it.

Personally, by my own standards and the boundaries that exist in our little family, graphically discussing the merits of masturbation is not what would work for us.

I have been a single mother since I was widowed when my four children were young. I discussed sex with my sons (the older two) as best I could. They were around when their sisters were born at home. They grew up with me nursing their siblings. It was all very matter-of-fact. I was a childbirth educator, comfortable with the subjct in general, but I discussed sexuality mostly with adult students, not my own teenage sons. They were not comfortable. I was clumsy. But we muddled through without too much damage done. Love, humor and good intentions go a long way. :)

The boys were ten years older, so by the time the subject came up with the girls it was just the three of us. They also had grown up around nursing mothers and birthing. I believed that modesty was form of manners in one's household, but that did not mean the body was hidden or shameful in anyway. We were comfortable in talking about reproduction, menstruation and they tell me now ( they are grown women, 21 and 23) they always felt they could ask me anything.

Exploring our sexuality can be a joy, but I feel it is a private and personal one. I really believe that my daughters can fully enjoy their sexuality without having had anything graphically modelled by me. Sex is a pleasure. It is not too far of a stretch to consider that sex with oneself can be likened to other pleasurable things, a bubble bath, an ice cream sundae, a movie. I don't presume to tell my girls how to enjoy those things, why would masturbation be any different? Some things you have explore on your own and make your own mind up about.

Even as I type that I can see giving any of those things for a birthday or holiday gift, but not a vibrator. Maybe I am talking our of both sides of my mouth. But I prefer to think it is because there is just a line between public pleasure and private pleasure. Not shameful. Private.

So another 'wow'. I did not think I would have so much to say about masturbation on the World Wide Web. lol But there you have it.

My final two cents: chill out everyone! Be respectful. Listen. We have a lot to learn from one another. :)

Marie

www.nourishourselves.blogspot.com

www.theshorebookworm.blogspot.com

Or worse than pregnant

Nordette — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 11:38:40 -0500

Teens are contracting AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases because they have unprotected sex and don't have the information they need. Thank you, Bill.

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

Use It or Lose It

Bill Cammack — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 07:06:39 -0500

Basically, people that don't educate their kids about sex are throwing them to the wolves. "The Streets" are just waiting for more people to have fun with and/or take advantage of.

It might have made sense (probably not, though) back in the 1950's to NOT educate your kids, because all of the media was controlled. There was no "cable television" or sex sites on the internet or MTV and BET's latest "Sex on the dance floor" videos for kids to watch and become either interested in or curious about.

At this point in time, whatever you don't teach your kids, they're gonna learn in the street. You're better off feeling uncomfortable and talking to them NOW than finding out your kid's pregnant or got some other kid pregnant a few months or years from now.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

I never watched the Oprah show

Vered — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:21:10 -0500

Which probably makes me weird or maybe un-American. In general, I don't get health advice from celebrities, regardless of how rich and powerful they are. I get it from my doctors and researching reputable sites on the internet.

----

Need to hire a blogger? I’m a mommy blogger and a blogger for hire.

No such thing as 100% or 99% accurate shows.

ana2271 — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 04:30:19 -0500

I don't think there is any 100% accurate show out there. Oprah, like most television hosts can only do the best she can. She isn't a nutritionist or personal trainer. She doesn't have a qualification in physical fitness, so she does what we all do, the best we can.

I do think that Oprah's show is much better than, say, a Jezebel blog post. In her position, Oprah can put health professionals on her show. Let's not forget that every era has health fads. Oprah isn't the only show that has featured fads.

Who knows, nanotechnology (not pads, but the technology) may be a key element in health in the near future.

Thanks!

Ungirdled Passion — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:53:25 -0500

Thanks so much for your kind words, Megan! I really appreciate it! Everyone at BlogHer has been so nice! - Tracy

http://ungirdledpassion.blogspot.com/

Way To Go!

Megan Smith — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:37:38 -0500

Yes, what Maria said. If you're new to blogging you can't tell it by this post!

And thanks for once again reminding everyone that Oprah is not trying to be the end all and be all of everything. I love her to death, but even I don't buy everything she has to say.

Still, I really do think Oprah wants to do right by us. Oprah plays big. She takes big chances to do big things. When you do that, and you make the occasional mistake, it might be a big one. The plus side is you're going to make big, positive differences and changes, too.

You couldn't have said that better. It's up to us as viewers to either accept or reject what she has to say and not buy into the media hype surrounding her.

Megan
BlogHer Contributing Editor, TV/Online Video

Megan's Minute

Thanks!!

Ungirdled Passion — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:34:32 -0500

Thanks so much, Maria! That means a lot coming from you! - Tracy

http://ungirdledpassion.blogspot.com/

You've got a future

Maria Niles — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:28:16 -0500

New to blogging? You are hitting the ground running. Terrific post - you can't see me but I'm giving you a standing ovation! Thanks for sharing it with us here on BlogHer.

BlogHer Contributing Editor
PopConsumer
Beyond Help

Oprah's Not God

Ungirdled Passion — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 14:09:20 -0500

Thanks, Nordette! I am new to blogging and appreciate the feedback! So glad you enjoyed it! - Tracy

http://ungirdledpassion.blogspot.com/

Oprah’s not God

Nordette — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 13:33:26 -0500

This was well written and really, you had me laughing, which is a good thing. :-)

Nordette Adams is a BlogHer CE & you can find her other stuff through Her 411.

I dunno, the sisterhood of women looks right to me.

She Who — Wed, 27 May 2009 19:26:53 -0500

I think John Edwards was a cast iron jackass. But I don't think his mistress should have played, either. I don't think that's "encouraging women to think of everyone but themselves first," because I don't believe you're giving up something valuable when you demand that your sexual partner be free to BE your partner. I think women who choose to be the "other woman" shortchange themselves, and I believe a little bit of class solidarity (not to mention average compassion) between women does everyone good.

His nuts I'll make into a change purse, though. As an example. :D

http://www.blogher.com/blog/she-who