BlogHer - Authors - Comments

Hmmm......

LynnCraig — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 15:51:46 -0500

One writer I admire said, "You have to ask for permission or beg for forgiveness."

Another option is to write creative non-fiction based on real-life events (like Ellen Hopkin's novels in verse)

My kids aren't that age yet, but I can't imagine ever kicking my teen out of the house and then writing a book about him and his problems.

I think at age 20 he has the right to object if his story -heck, his life- is being misrepresented!!!

I began to

AllThingsToNoOne — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 12:51:40 -0500

I began to feel uncomfortable blogging about my children's lives when I started feeling that my own parenting methods were scrutinized by some of my readers many years ago on a now-defunct blog.

When my sons became teens, I no longer felt the need to write about everything they did and the things that they said. I never really felt that it was in good taste to spill the beans about a family member in a public way without their consent and it is especially disconcerting when the family members are those who are old enough to have a voice.

I would never, ever blog about a family member's addictions. That just seems cruel and attention-mongering to me.

AllThingsToNoOne

right to privacy

Mir Kamin — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:54:25 -0500

It may be a can of worms, but I think it's a valid one, actually. Children don't have the same rights to privacy that adults do. I think the question becomes whether or not the adults in their lives are safeguarding them in other ways, you know?

I mean, it's one thing to search a kid's room if you have a reasonable suspicion that they're using drugs. Their right to privacy is superseded by your right to parent and protect, IMHO.

But it's something else entirely to announce to the world, as Myerson did, that her son is an addict when he insists that he is not. What does the parent stand to gain in this situation, other than book sales? Nothing that I can see. What does the child stand to lose? Everything.

But I think the matter of how much privacy children have a right to is a whole 'nother very important topic. Thanks for bringing that up!

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

True Definition Wise

whymomdrinksrum — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:49:51 -0500

I totally agree on the kids being allowed to define themselves. I really dislike it when parents label their kids as one thing or the other. It really limits the kids on what they think of themselves and what they can do in life. But do childhood mistakes have the same weight as young adult or adult ones?

Making mistakes is a part of growing up. Parents discuss what their children do and don't do (for the most part) every day with each other. I don't get that opportunity working full time in a small office where I'm only one of two people with kids. And the only one with older children. I personally like to encourage my children to share what they learned from their mistakes, and I learn from other people commenting on what I write when they may have been through something similar. They may learn from me. I don't think I need to hide the good or the bad things my kids may do, because it's who they are. I don't share my kid's names...and I do that for their protection. I think it's all a balancing act really.

Opening up a big can of worms here (my PERSONAL opinion) - my kids do NOT have a right to privacy. It is my job to protect them, raise them, nurture them, and make the right choices for them until they can make them for themselves. At some point they will be given more freedom in our house...but I will always be willing and able to dig into any part of their lives I feel is necessary for their well-being.

Bottom line, I don't think anyone should be bashed for sharing what portions of their children's lives they feel comfortable with. As long as those children aren't put at risk by whatever is posted. And again, I do NOT support writing about any adult without their permission if specifics are mentioned.

http://whymomdrinksrum.blogspot.com/

Conventional motherhood? You bet it includes rum!

Your family comes first

UnplannedCooking — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:14:49 -0500

Your kids have a right to their privacy. And a right to define themselves. Who wants the mistakes they've made in their past public?

http://www.unplannedcooking.com

I totally get what you're saying

Mir Kamin — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:07:55 -0500

I think I'm a lot more tight-lipped when it comes to talking about my husband, too, but it's also different because I can ask his permission about specific things and he can give informed consent.

As to whether limited sharing makes you (or anyone) boring, I think that one doesn't necessarily equal the other. If you're writing about other (interesting) things, of course it's not boring! I meant more that an overly-sanitized version of family events when family is the main writing topic can fall flat, that's all. And even then, some people do manage it.

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

I find

Headless Mom — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:02:40 -0500

...this to apply more to my husband than my children. He does not love the internet but some of his colleagues or their wives read my blog. I'd rather not even come close to the line than have him think that I over-shared. Does that make him one dimensional? Yeah, probably, but I kinda like being married. I share about the same about my kids. Uh oh. Does that make me a boring blogger?

It's not even about love.

Rasselas — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 12:42:45 -0500

It's not even about love. It's about basic respect. You wouldn't do that to a stranger you just met and exchanged pleasantries with, so what makes it okay to do it to your own child?

I think if your kids are

HipMom — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 03:47:49 -0500

I think if your kids are bothered by what you wrote and you feel the need to lie about it, that should be a sign that you need to stop, get your **** together and prioritize your family over your work. I always go by "Your freedom ends where another's begins" - you are free to express yourself, but if that starts hurting people that's it, you no longer retain the right to just say whatever you want IMO. Especially not if you are a mother.

Good Point

whymomdrinksrum — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:23:49 -0500

I think writing about an adult child in any way without their permission is abusive and destructive to the relationship. Up to say...16? Or 18? I consider that a parents privilege, provided that it doesn't endanger that child in any way.

Have I compared my children to swamp monkeys? Yes. Because hello? They are. They make me crazy. But I do love them and writing it out on my blog allows me to (hopefully) be less resentful of the things that make me scream internally when I'm with them.

I've been called names for saying negative things....but most of my stories revolve around the fact that I generally 'could have handled that situation better'. If I don't laugh about how learning to tie shoelaces resulted in blood loss? I might completely fold under the stress and guilt of the situation. And I hope that one day the kids DO look back and read everything I've written, and stand amazed at the fact I didn't trade them in for well-trained llamas.

http://whymomdrinksrum.blogspot.com/

Conventional motherhood? You bet it includes rum!

royalties and returns

loriamay — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 04:29:49 -0500

Hi everyone, I’m new to BlogHer. ;)

Great post! The topic of why there usually isn’t a quarterly royalty pay-out relates directly back to the issue of returnables. A publisher knows they are going to have some returned stock, and thus they need to not only keep a reserve fund, but allow a reasonable amount of time to pass in the fiscal year to see a true reflection of what has sold, and what has been returned.

As an author, I would hate to receive a check one quarter only to realize the next quarter I am not receiving a check – or worse, am running a deficit – due to returns. At least with twice a year payments, a publisher can generally see as close to a true sales figure as can be expected.

Great topic, great post. I look forward to finding my way around here.

Lori A. May

http://loriamay.blogspot.com

http://www.loriamay.com

http://twitter.com/loriamay

Finish the book!

sassymonkey — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:51:37 -0500

But when you do finish it and are ready to sell come back and see which option you think would work better for you. ;-)

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

I don't get why they don't pay more often

sassymonkey — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:49:18 -0500

Well, fine I do. It's more cash on hand and they get accrue interest on it, etc. But I really would think that publishers would pay out royalties quarterly. I guess it's a good thing I'm not a published author. lol

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Twice a Year?

LizaWasHere — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:21:52 -0500

Some presses don't pay that often. My book -- for which I have earned in the highish 3 figures, although between the 4 authors, we hit the low 4 figures -- earns me a royalty check in October.

Liza

LizaWasHere

Clearly I should read this

Tina Lane — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 15:27:59 -0500

Or maybe I should write the book first and come back to this later. lol. www.floridagirlmidwest.blogspot.com