BlogHer - career - Comments

I know what you're going

SpendWiselyTexas@gmail.com — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:51:36 -0500

I know what you're going through. My husband son and I moved to Texas from the island of Bermuda about seven months ago. I've decided to make this new place home. What's helped is finding out about all there is to do in Texas, learn about its history and find places (like the diner mentioned in the post above) where I feel comfortable. This isn't my first big move so I know it'll take a while before I feel settled. Put yourself out there. Do what you like or what you think you might like and at some point you'll have made a home and found a community.

Spend Wisely Texas

Hi!

TigerDolphin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:06:00 -0500

keep the posts coming!

Hi!

TigerDolphin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 14:05:15 -0500

Thanks for your post! It feels really encouraging to know that there are others out there going through the same things as me. I will just have to give it more time. I'm just lucky we live in an age where I have the internet and telephone to communicate with my back at home social network until I feel comfortable here. I plan to look up some volunteer places. I just got to get used to the idea that yes, it takes more then 20 min to get from A to B. :) Eventually I will get used to that too. I am lucky that I have my brother only two hours away so I guess I am not completly alone. Just have to keep reminding myself that! It's nice to know what I'm going through is normal and will soon change in time! Just gotta get used to being outside my comfort zone. Thanks again for replying to this thread and I hope that others do reply too as there might be others out there going through a similar experience to me that would benefit from reading my posting. Hope you are having a great weekend!

Oh, honey, I totally relate

misseliza — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 12:10:25 -0500

Oh, honey, I totally relate - five years ago I packed up with my husband and moved halfway across the country to a place where I knew NO ONE. Minneapolis is VERY different from San Diego, even though they're both big cities, and it was a pretty hard first year. I think it took a good 18 months to 2 years before it REALLY felt like home - when I knew how to get everywhere, had found a hairstylist and a drycleaner and a doctor that I liked. What I think helped me the most was finding a little coffee shop I loved that I went to almost every day. I got to know the people behind the counter and a few of the other regulars - not as friends, per se, but as people I had a comfortable routine with. Having a place like that made me feel homey again. But the best way to meet people, at least in my experience, was to get involved - either volunteering somewhere, taking a class, or through Meetup.com (a lifesaver!!). That was the best way to find people like me - and to be honest, at the start it was mostly other people who weren't from here that I made friends with first, because they were in the same boat. I used Meetup to start a weekly dinner for people who were new to the Cities and that helped tremendously - to know I wasn't the only one struggling through all this.

I don't know if any of that helped, but just know that what you're feeling is totally normal and just part of the process. I promise it will get better.

Pay Yourself First

HollisC — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 08:35:47 -0500

HollisC Very good post. Women need to take control of their finances because no one else will do it for them. Chances are if someone else is in control, their interests might not be in your best interest! Studies have determined that over 85% of the poverty stricken are elderly women. We don't want to end up that way!

I don't believe in guilt

Denise — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 08:36:08 -0500

Every now and then it tries to sneak into my life but I'm very quick to shut it down. Life is too short and too busy to saddle myself with guilt. :-)

~Denise BlogHer Community Manager
Flamingo House Happenings

It's all good ladies! It's a

womenonthefence — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 19:41:54 -0500

It's all good ladies! It's a process. Just the fact that you took the time to read the blog, means you're learning. Keep it up!

xoxEDxoxo

I suck at saying no

sassymonkey — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 15:12:31 -0500

A couple of weeks ago I had to say no to something. It was a bit of a follow-up to something I had said yes to a the previous month (which I hadn't wanted to say yes to but I suck at saying no). I wrote down on a piece of paper "Just say no! No! No! No! I have a hard time saying no, even though I was saying, "I just really, really don't have the time right now." When I was done I had to Chatter and Twitter that I had just said no. lol

Sassymonkey and Sassymonkey Reads.

Saying no is actually one of my skills

suebob — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:24:41 -0500

I am great at saying no. I know myself, I know what I want to do and don't want to do, and if I don't want to, I generally don't do things.

The thing that makes me crazy is the people who refuse to hear me when I say "No." They persist. "Oh come ON," "It will be FUN!" "Why??" they go on and on, not realizing that by not respecting me, they are just causing me to dig in further.

When people say "No" to me, I try to accept it gracefully and to respect their choice. I know it takes a lot of backbone to say no.

The first lesson in a self-defense class I took was learning to say "No" loud, and meaning it. Many people had difficulty with this.

My sentiments exactly

MommyWriter — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 12:31:15 -0500

If one blogging lesson is for sure, commenting is key. LOL. As you read in my blog. That's how I get 90% - 100% of my traffic I think. Maybe I should do a survey?

I agree with keeping posts fairly brief, I think it's a very difficult thing to hold most peopl's interest for more than a few paragraphs, and I's rather be fairly certain that people will read the whole post. I don't post on a daily basis AT ALL. Even though I tell myself to post daily so that in the end I will post a few times a week. On my blog I don't "sell" anything. But I have chosen a clear niche. Which is working out well for me. I do try to deliver quality reading every time I post.

I'll see you at the circus ;-)

-Dominique Ambassador for Christ.Wife.Mother.Black Woman.Freelance Writer.

I don't force them anymore for that reason.

lauriewrites — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:59:26 -0500

One of my greatest learning experiences came from dealing with someone whose mission in life appeared to be to connect with me. I trusted, it backfired, and boom, an entire professional experience imploded because of this person's control and my blind spots. I am cautiously open now. It's serving me quite well.

There are pros and cons to most jobs. I teach career development courses now and I tell my students in the first class to choose wisely and after serious self-assessment, because their choice of career/workplace is second only to their choice of spouse/family structure in determining their daily happiness and peace of mind. I believe this is true, having lived (more) unhappily with people who were unhappy in their jobs. And I totally agree with your last sentence. It's not an easy task but it's worth it.

Laurie

LaurieWrites

Photos on Flickr

Niceness counts.

lauriewrites — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:54:20 -0500

I'll go a step beyond that and say that it's being genuine that matters. I can smell fake a mile away and people who reflect that are people with whom I do not spend my time unless absolutely required to do so.

I try to be kind. If people are not kind and civil, I've been known to react poorly. I'm also widely known as assertive, which some people can handle and some can't. But I'm just as likely to advocate for a friend or a colleague as I am for myself and I think people know and appreciate that. Getting along in the workplace is not always easy. It takes some intelligence and insight and I've admittedly had some stumbles along the way. I'm really lucky to have the friends, mentors and colleagues that I do regardless of them.

Laurie

LaurieWrites

Photos on Flickr

As in any environment it

cluelesscrafter — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:53:46 -0500

As in any environment it becomes obvious who is amenable to a relationship, either civil or genuine, very quickly. We tend to force relationships in the workplace because we fear the reality that spending all our days without friendship is a bleak prospect. Indeed, I have found that the workplace can be very lonely, which made me rethink where I was working.

Bottom line: Find the place that makes you tick. You'll work harder and live a happier home life.

http://www.thecluelesscrafter.com/

It can also be your workplace too.

lauriewrites — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:48:01 -0500

Most of my friends at work are married and/or have children. I'm not traditionally socializing - in the happy hour sense of the word - with them all the time, although with some of them I am (and some of the happy hour people? Single people? Not my friends on any deeper level. One of my best friends is 56, another is 26. I'm equal opportunity. :))

I'm the emergency contact at school, after the parents, for one of my long-time co-worker's kids. We became close when we worked in the same office, now we're in different departments. Mostly we go to lunch but she's not shy about having her husband stay home with the kids if she wants to go out in the evening. I still think that it depends on the individuals because I've worked in places where I didn't click with anyone. I'm dug in enough where I am, and we have a large enough group of people, that it's played out this way over almost a decade.

Laurie

LaurieWrites

Photos on Flickr

I so agree!

mashadutoit — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:46:19 -0500

About being nice.

Its a funny thing, but I think we vastly underestimate how important those "nice" character traits are. expecially in a leader. We focus on the pushy and agresive tendencies.

I read something somewhere recently (must find the reference) about how one of the biggest differences between humans and other primates is our ability to get on with one another.

If you were to put a crowd of chimps into a confined space for a time the equivalent of a crowd of humans traveling on an airoplane - very few chimps would come out of that alive.

We've managed to get really good at getting along, at being charming, and cooperating. I think we notice the bad stuff so much because its actually so comparitively unusual.