BlogHer - money - Comments

Save Money & Still Eat Healthy

David hogard — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 08:06:01 -0500

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Great Post!

susanawalsh — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 08:38:09 -0500

Susan Walsh

Hey, I'm a fellow BlogHer woman, writing about relationships. I found your point of view very interesting - I've been researching this topic for a while. What are the characteristics that women deem important in a man? I've never bought into the gold digger myth, and you've shed some light on this question. Thanks!

www.HookingUpSmart.com

hehe

Bill Cammack — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:53:19 -0500

I know you KNOW what I'm talkin' 'bout! ;)

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

What a feelin'!

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:35:25 -0500

An interesting hypothesis. Perhaps some young men have always been attracted to powerful women, but only lately has it become remotely acceptable to act on it. And it's definitely growing with Gen Y and beyond.

"Even if you did inherit money, it's much more probable that you'll retain your fortune if you have good people skills, charisma and (some) intelligence." Such a good point!

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Definitely some women do

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:32:39 -0500

You're so right about it being a power issues sometimes. And for me, it's perhaps that I feel the power issue even if my partner doesn't. It makes *me* uncomfortable, you know?

And I've been in a relationship where my partner didn't work, and it *definitely* had it's perks! lol

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Love this!

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:30:12 -0500

Two films on my rental radar right now: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Breakfast At Tiffany's.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

reciprocation

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:27:37 -0500

Nail on the head; I am just like this. It makes me WAY uncomfortable for the giving and receiving to be off-kilter. Could love still happen? Well, of course, but it's not what I'm looking for, and something would have to balance it out on the positive side. Which sounds like what's going on with your current relationship. :)

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

It's more about positive and negatives

Liz Rizzo — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:25:35 -0500

When I'm dating, I go in pretty open minded if I'm physically attracted to someone. So would I date a TV Director? Maybe, but his job would give me pause, because I'd rather cultivate a friendship or professional relationship with a fellow director. Still, if there's ever a fool to rush in, it's me. :)

Good quote!

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Not Motivated By Money & Power Either

nedacasta — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:53:42 -0500

Liz, I so agree with you. Most of my friends thought it was odd that I would actually feel very uncomfortable being with someone on a higher income/career/power level. Of course if I happened to meet someone I loved who also happened to have a lot of money and power I would not deny my heart but it would not motivate me and it would be very difficult for me to accept. There are just so many other qualities that are important in a man that I put before that. I am very independent. I'd always felt that if I couldn't do it for myself or get it for myself then I simply am not supposed to have it. It makes me uncomfortable to be provided for in a way that I can't reciprocate. I want to contribute. I want to be an equal or at least close to equal partner. In my current relationship, that is not the case and it was very difficult for me to accept but I've had to because he's the one I'm supposed to be with.

But if you met a nice,

HelpMeRhonda — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:46:20 -0500

But if you met a nice, normal, cute guy who was a working TV director--your dream career--you wouldn't be interested? Money and power are all relative.

Dating solely for the purpose of advancing your career or getting nice gifts is stupid.

And Anita Loos wrote that line.

I am reminded of Marilyn Monroe

Mata H — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 08:07:51 -0500

I just keep thinking of her comment in the film, Gentlemen prefer Blondes;

"Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?"

As "Lorelei Lee" (1953)

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool<

Good Points

Bill Cammack — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:45:34 -0500

Good Points, DelRay. :)

You're right that "men have long cared about how much money and what connections a woman could bring them when looking for a spouse", except those are men that are interested in their own career advancement, not dating/marrying a peer. The woman is seen as a means to an end. It's the same thing as working for Microsoft because of the stock options, but not really believing about or caring about the company itself.

Back in the day, a guy that was a friend of some friends of mine was this total loser, like a TOTAL loser. Years later, this bum came around the way all happy to report that he had hooked up with a rich chick, married her and was living with her in her place in some nice section of Connecticut. It was clear from his tone that the girl was a pot of gold. He was also clearly still on the hunt for whatever chicks he could score. He wasn't into her for HER, but he saw an opportunity and grabbed it.

Personally, I'll say that M&P is attractive to me because it indicates a uniqueness in a woman. I still wouldn't trade her my life for her money, but the feeling of being IMPRESSED with a woman's accomplishments is decidedly intoxicating to me. :)

Having said that, I'm all about having good times, so if she has M&P and no personality, I'm not interested. If she's not moved by life, I'm not interested. There's nothing worthwhile to do for a woman that's strictly focused on her job and has nothing else about life that turns her on. Those situations are completely business and devoid of pleasure.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Possible Explanation?

DelRey — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:31:07 -0500

I do think it's a stereotype, at least the idea that women are much more prone to being attracted by money and power than men. Maybe men aren't looking for that when they're just thinking about getting laid, but when it comes to long-term partners... all you have to do is crack open a Jane Austen novel to get the sense that men have long cared about how much money and what connections a woman could bring them when looking for a spouse.

Even our founding father can be used as an example - I've always had the impression that George Washington married Martha mainly because she was very rich. In fact, now that I think of it, quite a few men with political ambitions tend to go for women who are either in powerful positions themselves, or are from powerful families. My hypothesis is that M&P lures men just as much as it does women (though maybe for different reasons and in different ways?), but men tend to be much more subtle about those aspects of their desires.

One explanation of the lure of M&P, besides the obvious "wanting someone to provide for you," is that the very same qualities usually needed to gain money and power as well as keep it are attractive for either sex.

Even if you did inherit money, it's much more probable that you'll retain your fortune if you have good people skills, charisma and (some) intelligence. Besides, knowing you've got money and power gives you a certain confidence that can be very sexy. You're less likely to seem desperate and you've got more resources to spend on looking your best. And that helps a great deal in terms of creating sexual chemistry - that might be the main driving force of attraction for a woman, rather than the simple fact of money. Who doesn't want a charismatic and well-groomed partner?

And maybe the example of Ashton and Demi is evidence that men are also prone to the bedazzling effect of power. Of course Demi is stunning, but I doubt that Ashton would have even thought about dating her if she'd had an "average/everyday" sort of job. If young studly movie stars can be attracted to older, powerful women dripping with charisma and class, it's not surprising that a pretty woman would be attracted to an older, powerful, dripping with charisma man like David Letterman. Or is my logic somehow flawed here? I suppose that there are many other facors involved in these relationships, like social circles and "A" lists and "B" lists.

Having said all that, I woud agree with your reasoning, Liz. A rich and powerful guy is not such a great prospect if you want a relationship that's as equal as possible but are still working on getting your own M&P. And now I'm thinking of Flashdance.

Maybe this topic can be the inspiration for your next script?

hmm

Bill Cammack — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:28:22 -0500

This is an interesting topic, Liz. I might have to blog about money & power myself...

As far as some women gravitating towards M&P, yes they do. Guys know this and use it to their advantage. If you have on in-style clothing or the latest whatever or shiny shoes or tasteful jewelry or you have a nice car or apartment or live in a nice area, those are all things that can get you laid.

I think the issue, when it comes to relationships, isn't so much who has what.. but rather whether they let it go to their heads or not. The problem isn't the fact: "I have more money than you do". The problem is the belief: "I have more money than you, therefore you are subordinate to me or I am superior to you".

Under the right circumstances, the person with more money wants to share with the person that has less.

I used to date a gal that was a jobless student = effectively ZERO earning potential. :) This worked for me because she didn't waste time going to work while we were together. She went to school and then she hung out with me. Period. Being that I'm a freelance video editor, I normally wasn't working, so I had tons of time to spend with her and that's the way I liked it. What was I supposed to do?.. Insist that she get a job and try to be me so she could be my financial peer? Nope. Nobody cares about that. If we wanted to go somewhere or do something, it was coming out of my pocket. I was happy about that because I was able to enable us to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. I would never have thought of saying "Well... I paid for this, so now *you* have to xyz". Money is just the means for us to enjoy experiences together. Doesn't matter to me which one of us paid for a movie if we're both watching it and sharing good times.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys and gals consider themselves 'slumming' if they date outside of their tax bracket... haha Dating Outside Your Tax Bracket! :D I think I have my blog post name now. :)

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

Pay Yourself First

HollisC — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 08:35:47 -0500

HollisC Very good post. Women need to take control of their finances because no one else will do it for them. Chances are if someone else is in control, their interests might not be in your best interest! Studies have determined that over 85% of the poverty stricken are elderly women. We don't want to end up that way!