BlogHer - spanking - Comments

I definitely agree. This

mays5 — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:34:37 -0500

I definitely agree. This study didn't seem to differentiate between a spanking and a beating. They are not one and the same thing. I believe there is clearly a difference between a calm, controlled, quick spanking not done out of anger or frustration than being hit with an object for example. I'm not necessarily a proponent of either, but I do think there is a distinction between the two. For an interesting discussion on whether to spank or not, check out www.opposingviews.com/questions/is-spanking-an-acceptable-form-of-discipline. Experts from both sides debate the issue and there are some good points made by both sides.

On correcting behavior..

Psych mom — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:51:30 -0500

As a psychologist, I am definitely not a supporter of spanking. I think if you spank your child and tell them not to hit other children, you are sending a mixed message. Also, by spanking, you are not showing how to correct the behavior and are modeling violent behavior as a problem solving tool. I don't even agree with the term responsible spanking. I think there is no such thing. The only responsible way to correct a child is by teaching them correct behavior alternatives and spanking will not accomplish this.
Check out my blog for parenting skills on correcting behavior, without spanking of course:
http://www.psychmom.typepad.com/psychmomreflections

Playpens lead to incarceration?

alyssaroyse — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 11:21:03 -0500

HYSTERICAL! My goodness..... you should run with that logic! HYSTERICAL.

___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

I was sent upstairs and

Liz Thompson — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:43:17 -0600

I was sent upstairs and spanked as a child. A lot. My butt still hurts. I like sex. Especially, when I'm not tired. I'm not a deviant, either and I definitely don't spank my children. Stupid researchers. That is all.

--------------------------------------------
This Full House
This Full House Reviews
Imperfect Parent

those researchers should be ashamed

Mamikaze — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:03:10 -0600

No scientist in his or her right mind would allow 207 people to be considered a representative sampling the American population. 207 out of more than 301,139,947 is about 0.00006% of this country. Sloppy sloppy sloppy.

Think about it, if spanking caused sexual deviancy, wouldn't S&M clubs be in the mainstream by now? Baby boomers would be all about whips and paddles, not golf and retirement funds. The media took this and ran with it because it is sensational. As if parents don't have enough guilt.

What's next, kids who were put in playpens are more likely to be incarcerated? Instead of creating these ridiculous "studies" they need to get out there and give parents opportunities to learn other forms of discipline.

Mamikaze

I'm with Mir -- the study

Motherhooduncensored — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 12:33:08 -0600

I'm with Mir -- the study seems whack-o when really doesn't it just come down to what you are teaching your kids when you decide to spank?

"Do something bad and I'm going to hit you."

Spanking is hitting -- a lesser form, however you want to describe it and sure, it's not throwing a brick at a kid. But it makes no sense to me.

I've heard people say that they don't do it out of anger, but personally, it makes more sense that people do spank out of anger. You got mad, you lost your patience, and so bopped your kid on the butt.

It's a bit creepier when parents send their kids to their room and then say "Go upstairs and wait. I'll be up to spank you." That's just odd.

I agree with Nelle. Spanking is the easy way out. I'd worry less, however, about making them a sexual deviant (whatever) and more about what it teaches them overall.

Motherhood Uncensored

Someone hand me a flogger, please.

alyssaroyse — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:46:18 -0600

Is it okay to admit that this cracked me up?

It is NEVER okay in m y mind to spank a child. It does not further the understanding of appropriate behavior and boundaries, it takes the easy way out and it teaches children that not only is violence the answer, but it is especially appropriate if someone who is "bigger" is violent towards someone who is "smaller." NO. Not okay.

And yes, I do judge those who I see spanking children. Sorry. I do.

Now, why did this study crack me up? Well, because I know a whole lot of people who are seriously into spanking AS sex play. The key is that it is CONSENSUAL sex play between equals.

Irony, oh the sweet slap of irony.

When will we stop looking at sex play that deviates from the (noexisitent) norm as a problem? And when will we stop using violence to solve problems.

And there it all was in one article. Still cracking up.

Now, where did I put that riding crop?

(No, I was never spanked. And I have never spanked my incredibly well behaved and empowered daughter.)
___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Efficacy and guilt

mama2bna — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:50:50 -0600

My husband and I were at odds on this, though he honored my desire not to spank. We have had our struggles with disciplining our girls, but we ultimately felt that to engage in hitting would take us to a point at which we had exhausted all options. A dead end. Where do you go if the spanking doesn't work?

I don't want to go to that place.

Amanda
http://lifewithbriar.blogspot.com
http://toddlywinks.blogspot.com

?

cakesbykelsie — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 20:42:36 -0600

This study seems like a load of bologna to me.

I'm going to agree with missbrit on this topic.

I was spanked as a child... it wasn't in public, my self-esteem wasn't damage, and I'm going to stay a virgin until after I'm married.

I don't have kids right now, and I don't think I'll spank them, just because that's who I personally am. But I don't hold it against my parents because they do. And it makes me sad to see parents judging other parents who discipline their children differently.

No, this study probably won't change any minds, but that's because it doesn't sound very reliable.

Hmmmmmm

nelle2nelle — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 19:32:28 -0600

Not a fan of spanking either.

For those who do, is there no anger inside when the spanking occurs? None?

My eldest is 23, my youngest will be 16 on Wednesday. Once I did spank my eldest. I'm uncertain of the age, but it was young, and as I recall, it was but one tap... however!

I was miffed, or at a minimum mildly annoyed. As soon as I did this, it ripped a hole in me, and right on the spot knew spanking was not going to be a part of raising our children.

Parents are human beings, and emotion can influence what we do in most anything. If a parent is at the point of spanking, chances are pretty high they are running annoyed, and if spanking is tied to emotional reaction, well... that sort of takes out the measured discipline argument.

To me, spanking is the easy way out, it requires no pondering of what an appropriate path is. It is also an emotional release, one that does carry consequences for our children.

This nation has made great strides on this issue in the last 25 years, and hope we go right on making further strides in how best to raise our kids.

nelle

Thanks for sharing

Mir Kamin — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:32:31 -0600

I thank you, Miss Britt, for sharing that even though I stated I was anti-spanking and the comments before yours were, as well. I love that we're able to have calm, respectful discussion here at BlogHer!

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

Re: "healthy" spanky

Mir Kamin — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 15:29:33 -0600

Laurie and Dani --

I don't see spanking as "healthy" in any form, personally, but even I (in my anti-spanking stance) can see the difference between the conscious decision to administer a swat or two on the bottom as a predetermined consequence and, say, throwing a brick at a kid.

What Miss Britt describes, below, still isn't what I'd do, but I have a hard time calling it violence on the same scale as punching or slapping.

I'm not excusing it or giving it a thumbs up, just saying that I do think it's a valid point to not lump all of these behaviors in together.

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

"healthy, responsible spanking causes sex problems"

missbritt — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 12:54:58 -0600

I have spanked both of my children, although it's not common and not the first course of action.

I would define "healthy, responsible spanking" as:

*not done in anger
*measured - you're not hitting to inflict long lasting serious pain
*controlled - which pretty much goes with the above two
*done in a way that makes it clear it is a specific consequence for a specific action, as opposed to a result of anger, frustration, etc.

We don't do violence in our house. I'm pretty clear on that.

But when one of the kids has done something that actually warrants a spanking, sitting down calmly, putting them over my knee, and swatting their butt (NOT bare flesh to flesh by the way) is not a "violent" act.

Miss Britt
http://www.miss-britt.com

"Healthy"

JenInShanghai — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:30:29 -0600

"healthy, responsible spanking causes sex problems"
Sorry... that gave me a chuckle. Describing spanking as healthy and responsible is ridiculous. Spanking, slapping, throwing things, humiliating a child in any way will have permanent negative effects on their self esteem and personality. I doubt the 'spankers' out there will change their parenting methods based on this study.

I can't see the difference either

OldDani — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 04:08:49 -0600

hitting, spanking, slapping. They're all the same thing. And I believe they are wrong. The thing that always gets me is when I see pre-schoolers get spanked as a punishment for hitting. Where is the logic?

Personally I don't believe in any form of violence (and I include spanking as violence) nor do I believe in shaming as appropriate ways of teaching children boundaries. Yes I am a parent of 2 children. I am not guilty of violence but I have been guilty of shaming. I wish I could say otherwise.

Having said all that, I do think the study is flawed and that the spanking that the majority of parents admit to (and I received myself as a child) does not cause sexual deviance but that higher levels of abuse could.

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