BlogHer - sexual assault - Comments

Military Sexual Trauma and Statistics

Erin Solaro — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 09:42:08 -0600

I deal extensively with sexual assault in my book Women in the Line of Fire: What You Should Know about Women in the Military (Seal Press, 2006).

The problem of sexual assault in the military is a real and serious one but it is not helped by conflating 1 in 3 women who use VA services with 1 in 3 of women veterans. The former group is self-selecting from the larger group.

The real scandal is that an enormous number of military units simply do not have problems with sexual assault and the predator's foreplay of harassment because they do not tolerate these behaviors. I am not talking about sensitivity training as commonly understood. That would have been useful for the old guys, the Vietnam generation, who had never worked with women professionally and simply did not know how to deal with women in professional situations. (Of course, they were not a significant part of the problem.) For young guys, that kind of sensitivity training is dumb, offensive, and useless. The junior enlisted may be, well, junior enlisted, especially in the infantry, but they know how to treat women. They have mothers, girlfriends, sisters and female friends. Anyone of them who doesn’t know how to treat servicewomen—does not want to know.

The only sensitivity training needed is for men, preferably with shaved heads, big biceps and combat decorations, to say Anyone who hurts or disrespects our sisters is not our brother and has no place amongst us. And for every other serviceman who is tired of servicewomen having to regard sexual harassment and assault as part of the service, or even part of life, to back them up, formally and informally, in word and in deed. And the Chief of Staff of the Army and the Commandant of the Marine Corps need to summon up the manhood to say publicly what their junior officers and sergeants are making stick at the small unit level.

And yes, the combat exclusion rule needs to be dropped. It has only ever harmed military efficiency, discipline, and cohesion, by stigmatizing women as second-class troops who can’t be counted upon in a fight, alienating the good guys, rendering the women vulnerable to the bad guys, and also making them more likely to be killed by the enemy than able to kill the enemy.

Cheers,

Erin Solaro

PS: The folks who wrote in with some of the more outrageous comments are nothing but apologists for rape. Hoep you said so.

Ideally, you're absolutely right

missbritt — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 07:28:01 -0500

I think you're right that the most powerful influence on a boy is how his father treats his mother. I also think they learn from how their mother interacts with their father, etc. - it shapes their opinion of women as well.

It's funny because I have a husband/father to my children now. But sometimes I forget about his role. My mother and I raised my two brothers. And boy can you tell they were influenced by two very strong women. :-)

Miss Britt

http://www.miss-britt.com

"Dignity is Overrated"

Fathers more than mothers...to sons

zuramchik — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 19:47:36 -0500

I think this article was great and touched the REAL points on trying to prevent sexual assault rather than dealing with the aftermath. I think more than mothers, fathers have to be the real educators on teaching the sons on how to be a real man. I truly believe actions speak louder than words and it starts at home, with the closest of people. If a father physically, verbally, and emotionally abuses the child's mother, it affects the boy more strongly than any television show or pop culture female exploitation. Fathers need to set the example and the foundation of this kind of knowledge, and mothers need to teach their children how to properly communicate, "handle", and respect women and girls.

Teaching our daughters... and our sons.

Liz Rizzo — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:29:16 -0500

Thank you so much for posting this on BlogHer, Britt. Truly such an important topic and you make excellent points.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Right!

Denise — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:28:05 -0500

This is a point Eve Ensler was making when she talked about the men who are participating in VDay events.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

thank you all!

pookielocks — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 08:27:46 -0500

thank you all for coming forward!! keep speaking out!!!

Whenever I hear a comment

Angelalala — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:03:38 -0500

Whenever I hear a comment like that of Oprah I get two very strong reactions in quick succession.

The first is 'well you obviously have absolutely no fucking idea how strong the survival reflex is so shut up!'

The second is 'I'm really glad you have no idea cos that means you've not been through anything like it. But still, SHUT UP!'

I was sexually abused as a child and took my stepfather to court this year, seeing him jailed for not only what he did to me then but every effect it ever had on me for thirty years after. I cannot applaud you girls enough and will look into the links mentioned.

Blogging about it was my first step toward breaking the silent shame I held all those years - speaking out really does put the shame back where it truly belongs, and that sure ain't with us.

http://fussybitch.blogspot.com

i wish i was alone in this

alyssaroyse — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 17:19:08 -0500

wow. your stories are amazing. i am comforted, of course, to not be alone, but if ever there were a time i wish i were...... i would really like to find a way to collect voices and stories and whatnot. i don't know in what way, or what form, but clearly we are on to something here.

we are gathering force on JUST CAUSE, but I'm not sure what will happen with it yet. http://justcauseit.com/causes/sexual-assault-survivors

Check out, also, the FEAR project videos, they're amazing. http://www.timmatsui.com/flash/PROMO.html

___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

Agreed!

maryrwise — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:12:18 -0500

I was kidnapped at gunpoint from my college campus 37 years ago, taken to an apartment, and gang raped all night. I've spoken freely about it since then, written about it in my former online journal (and been called a "trainwreck" for doing so), and, like you, reclaimed my life. While it will forever be part of who I became, it does not - and will not - define me.

The Oprah comment stuns me. It reminds me of the propaganda I received in grade school, where we girls were presented with St. Maria Goretti as a role model - a teenage girl who resisted her rapist until he killed her. She was canonized for it. So yeah, resist, get killed, achieve sainthood. No thanks; I prefer life.

I was "lucky" in that the crime got reported (I would not have done it had the rapists left me with my car keys), the police were sympathetic, and the rapists got (Excuse me) cocky and more brazen. They were caught, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison, although I suspect none of them are still incarcerated.

Thanks for this post; I'm only sorry it's still necessary.

The Blog: Red Nose
The Book: Girl Clown

Raped - and almost proud of it.

Denise — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 11:03:37 -0500

I can relate. Completely.

~Denise
Fast Times @ Homeschool High & Flamingo House Happenings

Your strength is inspiring

Maria Niles — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 20:38:05 -0500

There is power in your story and in sharing it. Thank you.

Kleenex® Let It Out™ Blog
Beyond Help

I WAS RAPED, and I'm almost proud of it.

alyssaroyse — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 19:42:44 -0500

It has been years (20 of them) since an armed man broke into my home and raped me in my bed, at gun point, the summer after I graduated from high school. It is something that I have written about, spoken about, and a story I continue to tell. Because I am proud of it.

I am not proud that it happened, but I am proud that in the 20 years since it happened I have lived a life filled with love, sex, compassion, passion and a deep understanding that rape is a crime that has nothing to do with sex. It is a VIOLENT CRIME, it is not a sex crime.

I am proud that when I speak to both men and women about it, they come to understand that although it impacts many people, it is a reflection on the rapist, not the survivor. They understand that violence can not be tolerated. How a survivor can thrive and love afterwards, that's a reflection on the survivor, and they can and should be proud.

They understand that there is life and love after rape. I agree that not enough women speak out about it. And I wish they would.

I am involved with 2 organizations that I think do great work. The FEAR project (Friends Educating About Rape) provides speakers and multi-media educational programs to facilitate conversation about rape. www.fearproject.org.

As the founder of JUST CAUSE (which is officially launching next week, but is live now) I have started a "cause" called Sexual Assault Survivors http://justcauseit.com/causes/sexual-assault-survivors that I hope will become a vibrant place for people to discuss all the issues related to surviving rape. Additionally, they can promote organizations they support, and plan events - from discussions to fundraisers. (It's small now, but you can log on and start blogging about it, that's how we'll grow.)

The idea behind JUST CAUSE is to create an online social networking environment in which people can connect and work together around the causes that matter to them. This matters to me.

I remember watching Oprah once, one of the shows where she has on "everyday heroes." She interviewed a woman who had fought off an armed rapist, and Oprah said to her something like, "I know I would rather be dead than raped." And I gasped. Because when someone held a gun to my head and told me he would kill me if I fought him, I made a clear decision to choose to live. And in the 20 years since, I have lived to the fullest, a life filled with love and sex and joy, and no man with a gun can take that from me. And that makes me proud. It is something I am happy to share.

Thank you for bringing this to everyone's attention. I applaud you, and hope we can work together to celebrate life, eliminate violence and applaud the strength of the human spirit.

___________
Alyssa Royse
JUST CAUSE
make some good news!
www.JustCauseIt.com

I couldn't agree more. Not

Gracie Passette — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:32:02 -0500

I couldn't agree more. Not only is the crime horrid, but the lack of concern is equally criminal.

I'll be linking to this.

Founder, Editor, of Sex-Kitten.Net