BlogHer - MATERNAL HEALTH ISSUES - Comments

My first pregnancy I had

Hey Jen — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 13:49:12 -0500

My first pregnancy I had every intention of having a natural birth, no drugs, but then I went into labor and after 24 hours of labor with no progression despite having been induced...twice, I opted for the drugs. after another 48 hours I was opted for the epidural and by day 3 they did an emergency c-section on me.

With my second labor, I had a great doctor who informed me that I didn't have to have another c-section so i was ecstatic, but then my labor started progressing the same as the first, by day 2 I was given an epidural and day 3 I gave birth, but thankfully not c-section.

as of right now there is a strong possibility of being pregnant again (ugh 2-week wait) and I can say that I am opting for a c-section right out the door. I will not go through labor like that again. despite the fact that I became extremely ill due to my first c-section.

Sure I give props to people who do it without drugs, but I give props to anyone giving birth and then surviving the teen years. My oldest is 11 and turning 16 next month, but I remember what my teen years were like and I give mad props to my mum for not murdering me during those horrid years.

I do think you are being too harsh

smd042 — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:44:16 -0500

Childbirth is of course, an accomplishment no matter how it happens. I don't think Emma Thompson was trying to say otherwise. But there is something very empowering about being able to go through the process drug free and I don't see why that can't be celebrated. I have had three kids without epidurals and what does that mean? It means I could have been a pioneer woman. It means I wouldn't have died in childbirth. And thank goodness for everyone that we have modern medicine and epidurals and stuff so that a lot more moms and babies make it though the process.

I think you are overreacting a little bit. I don't think her comment was meant to belittle or devalue other births. I agree with Atena, that Emma can define her victories any way she likes.

Oh My! This is a Touchy Subject!

themommykelly — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 22:49:20 -0500

First off, let me begin by shouting out an emphatic "go, sista!" to Catherine for posting these thoughts and initiating such a tremendously interesting discussion. KUDOS! What could be more dear to a mother's heart than the birth of her child? Honestly, I was eyeing this link on my blogher ad for two days! I am so glad that I did not resist the urge to click over!

There is no doubt that every mother has the right to consider the birth of her children an accomplishment. Carrying and birthing a baby is no easy task no matter what the circumstances. In the same way, neither is it an easy task to choose not to have children at all, or to adopt or to suffer the pains of infertility. We'd all like to believe other people's lives easier than our own when that is, indeed, not the case!

There is also no doubt that a woman's flaunting her "natural birth" as a means of trying to make another woman feel less of a mother is entirely ridiculous, not to mention, rude. No woman's accomplishments should ever be flaunted in a manner that purposely diminishes the accomplishments of another. After all, what are we, men?! Anyone who engages in that kind of flaunting behavior needs a reality check or a good psychatrist, as she clearly has an inferiority complex!

That is to say then, that if I, as a mother who birthed all three of her children via c-section (the last one less than three months ago) allow the rude behavior and comments of ignorant women to diminish the pride or joy that I take in being a mother, how that came to be OR my decisions about the manner in which I raise my children, then I am allowing that person to diminish the beauty of those precious moments and my memories of them. Time spent in resentment is time ill-spent!

While a cesarian section was not a choice I made in delivering my first, I am proud to say that it WAS entirely my choice with my doctor for my second and third babies. Becoming a mother is an exciting experience no matter what. Every mother who chooses what's best for her baby is making the right choice when it comes to the manner of birth! However the child makes it to the light, the child makes it and graces the world with her/his presence! And for those of you wondering, yes, the endorphins flow just the same with c-section births! No matter how much morphine they pumped into my system, sleep was not an option for me after the birth of my girls.

What we are really talking about here is not the argument of natural vs. unnatural birth, but simple common courtesy. Let's stick together and respect each other, trusting that every mother wants what's best for her child and chooses just that.

Stepping down from the soap box now.

Read the narrative (beginning 10/07/2008)of my third daughter's birth here.

Please Don't Assume

Amanda B — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:24:10 -0500

I was totally with you up until you said: "I don't think the ecstasy biology kicks in so hard if drugs are used." People who have given birth naturally seem to assume to know how we who have had epidurals and other interventions feel. Don't assume to know our experiences - IMO I think that's the point she's trying to make. I bonded with my children easily, even though I had epidurals and pain meds. They nursed for over a year.

Thank you for posting this - I had PTSD after the birth of my son - but it was from the pregnancy. I cried at the thought of becoming pregnant again for three years after I had him, I couldn't bear the thought of the hip ligament pain and the lack of sleep it caused, again. He was a big boy (9lb 15oz) and had a 90 percentile head - I was so thankful for the epidural - it was the first time I hadn't been in pain in 45 days.

I finally found someone with a story like mine

mamalang — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:25:18 -0500

My first childbirth was very much like taycesmom, except longer times. And a nurse and doctor that told me I was getting an epidural so that I could survive to have the child. My second childbirth was scheduled csection. I don't do child birth well (almost died both times, literally) so surviving it was an accomplishment for me. I do agree that everyone has the right to define their own accomplishment, and I don't think (from the little I see here) that Emma was trying to project her sense of accomplishment on all women. But I also understand the need to jump in and defend myself for my sense of accomplishment, as I have been made to feel less motherly for having had to have csections.

It constantly amazes me how much of motherhood is a seen as a competition between us, instead of us supporting each other and our choices.

mamalang

I guess I have the opposite

Emmy M — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:02:16 -0500

I guess I have the opposite problem. I have had a tough non-medicated birth and everytime I say anything people get defensive. Ahhhh! Guess we all need to chill out like you and just own whatever experience we were blessed with!!

ooooo I TOTALLY agree

apathetic bliss — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:02:16 -0500

ooooo I TOTALLY agree with geeky mummy! what she said

I agree with Atena and Emmy

apathetic bliss — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:01:07 -0500

I agree with Atena and Emmy M. Childbirth and mothering is an accomplishment whether or not it was drug and intervention free. I feel a lot of drugs and interventions are unnecessary and overused but I also recognize the importance of both the drugs and interventions when in certain situations. As long as the babes arrive safely and healthy...who cares? I have had all of my children drug and intervention free as well as at my home. I consider giving birth my greatest achievement but in no way think another woman's "intervened" or epiduraled b irths less of an achievement.

Yup.

calm mama — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:19:43 -0500

Geekymummy,

I think that you hit the nail on the head.

More than one nail. Spot on regarding the endorphin high that I'm sorry I missed, and the medical establishment's blind-ish spots.

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork

Thanks!

calm mama — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:15:11 -0500

Hey Emmy M,

I get it! Thanks for coming back through and saying more.

This is such a sensitive subject.

I agree, a sense of accomplishment is totally up to the accomplisher -- for setting and achieving a goal.

And it's up to me to be proud of what I did, and chose, too.

Yours,

http://thecalmbeforethestork.com

http://twitter.com/afterthestork

Birth euphoria

geekymummy — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 16:26:10 -0500

Geekymummy

I agree wholeheardedly with Atena. But wanted to add a comment, having given birth to both of mine "naturally", I, like Ms Thompson, still vividly recall the euphoria I felt when my babies arrived, and the incredible transfomative power of the labor and delivery. It is a biological thing, endorphins pumping like crazy. I only ever did it this way, so I can't compare it to any other way of birthing, but I don't think the ecstacy biology kicks in so hard if drugs are used. I loved giving birth, I was lucky it all went so well (yes, it did hurt a lot), and I'm actually sad that I won't do it again. I don't talk about it much, afraid of appearing judgemental. I'm not at all. I do feel that the medical establishment lets women down though. Many Obstetricians have never even seen natural birth. It isn't promoted or encouraged at all in this country, which is sad. I'm all for choice, but the choice to birth naturally has been taken away from American women.

To C or not to C

taycesmom — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:45:22 -0500

When I had my son (my first and only so far), I was in excruciating, accelerated (He wanted out!) labor for two hours, had an epidural because I was literally contracting constantly, labored painlessly for two more hours and then pushed for two hours. My son suddenly changed his mind about coming out and refused to move and I ended up having a C-section. At the time I was calm and rational and just excited to see my baby no matter what method of exit he was making from my body. Talk about accomplishments? I was not only CUT OPEN to give birth to my child but then I was stapled back together while my screaming newborn was taken away from me without so much as a touch and I proceeded to bawl my eyes out for the next hour WITHOUT MY BABY! I survived the moments following childbirth WITHOUT MY BABY. That is MY accomplishment.

I've gone back and forth between having another C-section or attempting a vaginal birth on my next child and I have finally decided that I will most likely have another C-section. For some time, I felt "cheated" having gone through labor and pushing just to end up in a surgical room completely unable to feel ANYTHING. But after witnessing the birth of my neice, I wasn't overcome with the beauty of "natural" childbirth and I realized that regardless of the method - the outcome was the same - and that was the beautiful part. A baby was born and just because mine was born six inches higher than others, doesn't make it any less special or accomplished.

I say bravo! to those who do it without pain medication...but then again I say bravo! to those who do it at all. Thanks for your post!

www.taycesspace.com

Cesearean - Not Easy

JC — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:12:42 -0500

To Mothercrone - my niece recently underwent an emergency C-section and was really in pain for a few days afterwards. In her case, while recuperating, it was hard for her to care for the baby. Her husband really had to step in. It took an emotional toll as well as physical.

What you said about competition I think is true. We all want to feel that we're good moms, so it seems easy to fall into competition with each other. Can't we all be good moms in our own unique way?

http://www.storyrhyme.com/jcsblog

I wonder if a lot of the

mothercrone — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:15:02 -0500

I wonder if a lot of the failure I feel is because, on top of everything else, I do feel like my body failed me. Yes, in my head I know that allowing medical intervention when I was miscarrying might have been necessary - I didn't know, and probably never will know, if that D&C was necessary. I signed the papers without thinking about it to do the emergency cesarean when my son was in distress after a failed induction, but then I swear it took me at least 6 months to connect with the boy, his birth was lacking any connection because they waved this purple squalling thing over the curtain, then my husband left with him, and I was lying there listening to mumbling and suction. Not much bonding in the hospital either, because they kept having to take him out to test his kidney and make sure everything was okay with him. Then with my daughter - well, no VBAC, no hospital allows it - and then it turned out she was "nonviable" and I was at risk of rupture, so in the hospital again to be sliced open and torn apart, without a baby to carry home.

Pain, physical or emotional, is difficult to compare because it is dependent on so many factors. I regularly have doctors act like I'm insane when I tell them I don't need pain medication for things, it's not that I'm trying to prove I'm tough, it's just that even "mild" anaesthesia like lidocaine can really mess me up. I'd rather just handle the pain than be out of control of my body. It's the same reason I don't drink. But I'm not going to look at you and say "You don't need to take the meds" because you are not me. But it makes me insane when someone hears "c-section" and says "oh, you took the easy way out." Yes, natural childbirth is natural. If I'd had "natural" childbirth, who knows? My son and I might both be dead. Actually, my son might never have had the chance to be conceived because I might have died with the miscarriage. My mother did have natural childbirth with my 10+ pound brother, if they hadn't been able to go in quickly and do unnatural medical intervention like stitching bits of her back together she'd likely be dead of hemorrhage or childbed fever.

I think really we're all so desperate to know we're taking care of the kids we have that we get competitive trying to prove something, and that's an easy comparison mark.

You said it so much better!!!

Emmy M — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:01:15 -0500

Thanks for your post. You said what I was trying to say better (waaay better) than I did! Check out my blog at http://brotherchronicles.blogspot.com/