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your blog made me cry.. it

mom2brody — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 23:05:36 -0500

your blog made me cry.. it was beautiful... she is a lucky little girl to have 2 moms who love her..

i am an adoptive mom and every night i tell my baby boy how much I love him and how much his dad loves him.. then i also tell him about his birth mom and how much he means to her and how she loves him... i never want there to be a doubt in this mind that she loves him...

God bless you and your angel too!

is giving birth the only aspect of child rearing with risk?

Icha — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:26:44 -0600

It seems strange to point this out, but does the argument against homebirth ever substitute other things for birthplace to test its logic? For example, has anyone ever thought about requiring all parents to buy volvos and prohibit them from buying, say, a mazda sports car because an infant (and its parents) would be far safer in a volvo if they are involved in a crash? Or how about the carseat itself? Not all carseats are equal, some are much safer than others. Should parents be required to buy only the absolute safest car seat? Of course not, no one ever even considers these things, even though car crash fatalities are a leading cause of death for children and adults. These are things we are allowed to decide for ourselves based on many factors, including basic freedoms of freedom from unwarrented government surveillance and interference.

I believe that homebirths are the safest option for some people, myself included. Safety statistics aside, does society apply the same readiness to legislate to behaviors that don't have to do with women's bodies and reproductive capacity? It doesn't...the minute a woman's reproductive capacity is concerned, we (this society) think we have the right to make all sorts of laws governing what she can and can't do. Most other behaviors are left up to choice. This is not about what option is safest. It's about who gets to make reproductive choices for women: professoinal organizations, the courts, the state, other interested parties, or the woman herself.

Diminishing The Sisterhood

willowlost — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 20:10:18 -0600

I'm so pleased to see you share this. None of my birth experiences in and of themselves were great, but after my thrid child was born I experienced the most amazing orgasm! Everyone was busy doing their thing with my new babe, cleaning her up while I lay there unnoticed, wrapped in a heated blanket contemplating a job well finished. As I lay back it simply started to happen all of it's own accord! WOW! it just happened. Noone knew, and like you I kept it to myself for quite some time, although I sure didn't feel bad about having it occur. Honestly? Totally BEST orgasm I ever experienced in my life. Sad but true!

Why so many women feel the need to instantly deny another woman's experience simply because it hasn't happened to them is beyond me. Are we so in need of being the ones to have "the most, the best, the most unusual experiences" that denial of anything outside the realm of our own personal reality makes us feel empowered in some way? Better than the next woman?

I was very saddened for womankind in general to read many of the thoughts posted here that negate and belittle the experience of other women. How devastating some of those comments, accusing of lies and shams, must have felt to some others who were honest enough to share with the sisterhood.

Women are quick to jump all over something when society diminishes them in some way, yet when they do it to 'one of their own' they feel it is completely acceptable! No wonder things haven't "really come a long way Baby"

This thread of conversation actually makes me feel embarassed to be a woman!

So, thank you again for having the courage to set the record straight.

Pretty amazing

jodimichelle — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:28:24 -0600

I just read about this in Christiane Northrop's book "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" and at first thought, what!? But the more I read about it, it actually made sense to me. Birth is supposed to an experience for the mother, and the child, of unity - yea, it hurts - and the way labor and birth has become in the US is so "medical". I don't know, it's very interesting. It's amazing what our bodies were made to do, and left to do it we might actually find that we can do so many more things we're talked out of every single day.

um, yeah

court_n2000 — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:08:15 -0600

You know how, sometimes, you poo on the table when you give birth? Well, you don't talk about that now do you? If I had been one of these gals I sooo would not tell a soul.

I agree

Amy Gates — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 19:37:31 -0600

"I think an alternative voice in the current birth climate is sorely
needed. Because even if your birth isn't ecstatic, it doesn't mean
that it will necessarily be horrifying or painful or something to be
afraid of."

Exactly! :) Thanks for your comment.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Darn right you should Fidget!

Delaine Moore — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 16:02:26 -0600

Well Amy, there's an anomoly sitting above you on this post then! LOL

Good for you FIdget! I think that's fantastic and you don't have to apologize or feel freaky for it whatsoever. I'm intrigued and a tadd envious! That being said, I understand the embarassment/confusion of when our bodies do something 'out of the ordinary' - like when I squirted during sex for the first time - I was HORRIFIED! I felt like I'd bled from my period all over his sheets or something - we had to change the sheets twice AND cover the mattress with towels! I mean I'd 'heard' of squirting before, but I'd always thought it sounded freaky. Guess I'm now a part of that club:)

Women's bodies are amazing!

should I openly admit this?

fidget — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 09:11:17 -0600

My first birth was a horrifying marathon of pain and scariness. I expected my second one to go at least a little better. It did.. it went comparitively fantastic.

My second child was eager to arrive though and she pretty much rocketed through the birth canal. During her escape, I had an orgasm. It went like this

HOLY %&^& BLINDING PAIN BLINDING PAIN BLINDING PAIN HOLY %^*%& WHOA WHOA WHOOOOOOOAAAA!!!! *me blushes, looks around room wide eyed and hopes no one noticed* OH MY GOD PAIN! and sploosh she's here.

Having an orgaism during birth was completely disconcerting. i had never heard of it occuring and felt like a total freak. I did not mention it to ANYONE for 2 years. After I saw a small news article on it, I fessed up to my husband and then started asking my friends about it... no one else had such an occurance.

I dont know if it had to do with the speed of her exit, the angle, or whatever. I have since had 2 more natural births and I'm sad to say no other birthing orgasms. Well I guess there is always hope for next time

Fidget

Finding Yourself Despite Yourself

Oh They Did NOT!

Amy3 — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 08:34:20 -0600

Amy3 of Milk Breath and Margaritas

Orgasm during labor? Are they INSANE trying to push this off as some sort of ideal scenario? I would rip the head off anyone who said that to my face.

I had 3 good labors. Long, but manageable. (I nearly died of hemmorage after that third kid, but not the point - the labor was just fine.) But to think of even my easy labors as anything close to a sexually gratifying experience is jacked up. It's more the relief of a good poop - gross but sorry. Childbirth is sorta gross and a relief and then beautiful and all that stuff too.

This just flies in the face of reason. If a woman or two has had this experience, well bully for her and I call it an anonomly.

Cause it is!

Commence the curling up in the fetal position.

loraleechoate — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 00:49:21 -0600

Seriously, this makes me want to cry in frustration.

Surprisingly, my frustration is not about the aspect of having more pressure during labor and delivery (even though I am pregnant).

It's the pressure of the Big O that is screaming at me right now.

Jesus, I just barely got the hang of HAVING them AT ALL and suffered years of feeling totally inadequate and now you are are telling me that there are women having them during LABOR?

Proabably WWWWAAAAYYYY TMI, but I am hormonal, this has been an "Owie" topic for me and the combination makes me incapable of shutting up at the moment.

(and this is not a slam at all to anyone. It was a really well written, thoughtful and insightful post. I just feel like a total loser right now. Yay.)

I will be watching 20/20

AmberS — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:03:40 -0600

I will definitely be watching that 20/20 special. I am interested in seeing the film, too, but it doesn't look like there will be showings in my area.

I think birth is such an intense experience that it really runs the gamut. Thinking back, I felt really good after my first birth - I just remember a total rush after the baby came out. I was amazed that I did it, I felt pretty powerful. With my second, it was so fast that I just couldn't get my head around it. Instead of being relieved and happy I was overwhelmed and not ready. Which I felt bad about, because why shouldn't I be thrilled with a fast and easy birth?

I am glad, though, to see films like this one and "The Business of Being Born" getting widespread publicity and recognition. I think an alternative voice in the current birth climate is sorely needed. Because even if your birth isn't ecstatic, it doesn't mean that it will necessarily be horrifying or painful or something to be afraid of.

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

Beautifully said...

Her Bad Mother — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 12:03:26 -0600

just that - beautifully said ;)

Discard feelings of competition!

Delaine Moore — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:37:56 -0600

I think how our bodies give birth is largely dependant on the relationship we have with our bodies/our Selves long before labor ever begins.

We all KNOW that there is no separating a woman's body, mind and spirit. We KNOW that her body is an extension of who SHE is, and that it wears her pain, her joy, her beliefs and her fears. But make no mistake: we live in a culture that has programmed us to doubt, despise and undermine our bodies - we are taught to focus on the outside architecture instead of cultivating and nurturing the Woman within the flesh and bones. In my eyes, our percepetion and experiences during birth perfectly examplify how our Feminine power, our glorious rite as co-creators, have been stripped from us.

Ladies, in no way should birth be about comparing ourselves to each other and 'measuring up.' This is about us finding our own personal power and truth through life experiences and big life transitions such as birth/ motherhood. 'Competition' and judgment must be removed from the process - that only serves to damage us individually AND collectively.

Orgasm it was not.

conversemomma — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 11:12:00 -0600

There is so much expectation with mothering. It begins the moment we get that positive. For me, I wanted to be pregnant for years, but kept having miscarriages. When I finally carried my daughter to term, pregnancy was ruined because of my constant fear. Although, I feel fortunate to have been through the birth process, I lament that I set it up to be something magical, and then sank into dissapointment when it did not go the way I had planned all those years. I remember my daughter being put on my chest and just feeling nothing but terrible anxiety. I just wanted to sleep, but I forced myself to play the role of adoring mother for the nurses and the doctor who stood around staring. I wiped away a tear that wasn't there and told my girl I was her Momma. The reality is that I was happy when they took her away. It was just hard. And, it was hard for months after. In hindsight, I realize that I had post-partum. Anyway, I think the whole "expecting an orgasm" is just another way that women are sold the lie. Yes, birth is beautiful. My children are my whole world and I feel lucky to have birthed one of them. But it does not always feel beautiful at the time you are sitting there with your legs spread. I hope no women sets herself up for this type of failure or dissapointment, but hell more power to the women that achieves the baby and the big O!

Peace,

Kelly

http://www.ordinaryartblog.com

No Way!

Midwest Lesbian — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 10:58:24 -0600

Okay....I haven't actually had children myself....not yet anyways....but in no way do I expect it to be such an experience that it will be of orgasmic proportions! If anything I expect it to be hugely on the opposite side of the spectrum of an orgasm. I think that emotionally it will be a wonderful day assuming that baby and myself will turn out all okay....other than that I have already warned my wife to stay far, far away from me during that time, or she might end up with massively crushed fingers! :-) That's just me though I guess!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be"