BlogHer - mothering - Comments

Great post!

Jeevita — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 19:03:28 -0500

Just finished reading a book a couple of days ago called "I was a really good mom before I had kids". It addresses the same issues you talk about - setting too many expectations for ourselves, not having enough enough me-time and difficulty prioritizing. It was a good book and an eye-opener. And then I read your post today...Just proves this is a big big problem.

---------------

I blog at jeevita.blogspot.com

Life is Overwhelming

Carrie Blankenship — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 15:27:57 -0500

It doesn't matter if you're a mother or not, when you have too many balls in the air, it is likely that one will come crashing down sooner than later. No one is superwoman, nor should we expect them to be.

It seems to me that our American culture is not really focused on the moment, only what the moment will gain and I think that translates into every facet of our lives, including how we parent.

If only we would slow down, take a siesta if we felt like it, let our kids be kids, let the house be messy (once in a while), took a look around at the wonderful lives that we are living and actually LIVED them, I think we would all be a lot more balanced and happier as a whole society. We need to remember to nurture ourselves, and not be to greedy about the inconsequential things that don't really matter.

Great post!

Talk about your overwhelmage.

Wyliekat — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 11:03:56 -0500

Heh, I just finished writing a post about half-assing as a parent on my blog, too.

Funny how much synchronicity there can be in blogland.

www.wyliekat.com

Overwhelmed Moms Confess

AlpacaFarmgirl — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 10:23:09 -0500

It is crazy what we moms expect of ourselves these days. I know that I have to actively neglect some areas in my life to get things done (usually my housework). I do believe that you can have it all, just not all at the same time.

But more and more, I must confess that I am an adrenaline junkie of the mommy/businesswoman kind. The chaos can be addicting. The successes at work, the "full" life with kids...it's a real drug.

Interestingly, I have a career that could be super low stress...if I worked it that way.

Trying to slow down before the migraines get the best of me,

Katy, Alpaca Farmgirl

Visit me at www.alpacafarmgirl.blogspot.com

Down with superwoman

Amy Gates — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 23:22:59 -0500

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts on this important topic. I think the more we talk about it, the more we admit that we are human and not perfect, and that superwoman doesn't exist, the better we'll feel and more likely we'll be to cut ourselves some slack. The more time I spend on this motherhood journey, the more I understand how important it is to take care of MYself as well as my family.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

It's an Impossible Feat

Kathy333 — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:35:25 -0500

Trying to do it all is such an impossible feat and yet so many mothers try to do it all. We really have to learn how to slow down and appreciate things. I have written several posts since that show aired, this one about the fact that we HAVE to slow down and learn to focus. I find sometimes I am trying to do ten things at once. I work from home, I take care of my children, I take care of the family, I take care of the dinner, I take care of the laundry . . . sometimes all at once! I got overwhelmed a while ago, after my second daughter was born, and then it hit me: I don't have to do it all. I just have to take care of my kids the best way I can. I think the key is being more present in our lives and just appreciating what we have while we have it. I think of that mother from Oprah every day and it makes me realize, over and over again, what is important and what can wait.

Kathy

Allbusiness:Working Mothers

Mama Marathoner

Kill Supermom/woman

Southerngirl — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:56:31 -0500

I had to beat her down and bury her in the backyard. But now I am sooo much better!!! Once super was buried I found the proper use of the word no. Tired, sick or just needing to rejuvinate are all perfectly acceptable. I think we often forget that OUR lives are being lived at the same time as our kids'.

Michelle

I blog at http://www.mommycan.blogspot.com/

Just Say No once in a while.

Savor This Moment — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 14:15:40 -0500

Wow, what a reminder to slow down and breathe. It is great to be able to be involved in a lot of activities, but learning how to say no once in a while is not a bad thing. I'm trying to simplify my routines in order to focus on the important things for me and my family, and, boy, what a difference it has made.

Annie http://savorthismoment.blogspot.com

Busy, but not overwhelmed

Vered — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 13:33:16 -0500

"She admits there's no perfect answer, but notes, "I put too much
pressure on myself, too much expectations, and don't say ‘no’ often
enough." - I think those are the keys.

Yes, those ARE the keys.

Accept that you can't be perfect.

Accept that you can't do it all.

Say no OFTEN and don't feel bad about it. It's OK to say no to your kids too, by the way.

I'm a perfectionist by nature, but I quickly learned that the only way to survive motherhood is to completely let go of perfectionism.

---

I blog at MomGrind

I manage my kids' activities at UpToUs

Take Personal Time to Slow Down- Superwomen does it!

kaira — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 08:38:19 -0500

Amy I agree with you. As a mother of four, entrepreneur, wife and more, I too wear many "hats" throughout the day. I have found the one thing that helps me is to make sure to take "me" time. When I first started it was almost impossible finding that time to take but it is worth every minute now! I also focus on my passions. It helps if your volunteering time is with an organization you are passionate about or even if your blogging time is your alone time. Try it. It helps I promise!

Kaira Author, Real You Incorporated: 8 Essentials for Women Entrepreneurs www.RealYouIncorporated.com

What's Your Favorite Part?

JessSanders — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:47:17 -0500

I have fond memories of my 2 brothers and I sitting around the table as close to nightly as possible with my parents, talking about our days, our frustrations and wins, have casual conversation and act goofy.

As a parent myself now, I have a newfound respect for how hard it was for my parents to consistently create those memories! My husband and I try our best to do the same and keep the tradition alive.

I see that I am making a difference when my 3 year old feels comfortable initiating conversation. "What was your favorite part of the day, Mama?" he asked me over veggie soup and cornbread this evening. A question that we often ask him through the course of an evening meal. We talked easily about our days and connected. With any luck, we'll be doing the same through his childhood and teen years and he won't have to think about things to say to his parents because he's been having conversations around the dinner table for as long as he can remember.

Unappetizing Company

Patois — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:45:51 -0500

I remember being much better behaved than my own children are. Of course, my siblings and I lived in fear of my father, so I'm happy my kids feel safe enough to act like themselves. But, oh, what I'd give to get through a meal without disgusting sounds or constant bickering! I do buy into the idea of dining together. We do it so often, however, that we're going to dine alone Monday night. ;)

Unappetizing Company

Patois — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:44:26 -0500

yeah I think it is just about making yourself and the whole

Crunchy Carpets — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:19:20 -0500

family dynamic available. I make sure no matter how preoccupied I am..to give my full attention to the kids when they are bustin to talk about something.

We also try to do as much as family...walking home from school....watching a fave show together...anything.

Look for me at http://crunchycarpets.com or check out the ladies at www.wetcoastwomen.com

Misery like company

nakedanarchists — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:14:06 -0500

Not that I wish anyone poorly, but I am laughing at others' commiserating about the plight at the table! Our conversations mostly center around the fare: too many "chunky" foods, "you know I don't like this", "eating with elbows on the table makes it go down easier when I'm tired", "If I actually eat this, do I get dessert?", "other families get to eat pizza," and my favorite: "if only we would buy a microwave like normal people, maybe your cooking would be better."

Writing this has inpired me to get takeout tonight :-)

http://nakedanarchists.wordpress.com