BlogHer - modesty - Comments

Thanks to you both

babybeatnik — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 22:44:11 -0500

Thank you both for your comments... There are so few people I know that will jump into that type of a conversation on the pro-breastfeeding in public side that when someone comments and says they feel the same way I do, it is extremely validating.

I find it so hard to believe that people are so uncomfortable with the subjects of not only breastfeeding in public, but also breastfeeding period. Considering that this is how I feed my child it tends to be a big part of my daily conversation and I sometimes forget that some people aren't comfortable with it. Not that I would censor myself, but I am often surprised by the way the look on their face changes from that of comfort to that of disgust or shame or embarrassment.

In terms of support, particularly early support when we're still trying to figure this all out, I didn't have much. I asked my husband if he was okay with my decision to breastfeed and he shrugged and told me, "Whatever you wanna do. Sure." That was the extent of support I received from him.

When we had to stay in the hospital for almost 2 weeks because of jaundice that just would not go away, each time we were readmitted her pediatrician would suspend breastfeeding for 12 hours to see if it was being caused by breast milk, or if it was a deeper issue with Kairi's liver that we would have to deal with. He determined that it was in fact breastfeeding jaundice and kept her for observation but asked that I continue to breastfeed because he agreed that breast is best. My mother on the other hand told me that I was making my daughter sick by forcing her to eat something that she was clearly allergic to.

Several people asked me to quit breastfeeding right out of the gate. Rather than become discouraged (or rather, discouraged enough to quit) I turned their lack of faith into a sort of self support. "I'll show them," I told myself. And I've since proved them all wrong.

But unfortunately some women who are making attempts at breastfeeding could easily become discouraged by the kinds of comments I've received, including those by the girl in my post. If it's something that is so "dirty" or "shameful" that we should be shunned from doing it in the house of God, then could it really be the best thing to do for our children?

While the answer is obvious to me and to you, it often times isn't to a lot of women just starting out. I don't see these types of comments being hushed or silenced any time soon, but I would like to do my part to educate those around me of the joys of breastfeeding as well as the health benefits for both mother and child. Thanks for reading.

(And I've basically written another post in my comments. Go me. HAHA)

I can't agree more

kayton528 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:36:12 -0500

As a former breastfeeding mother and HUGE supporter of breastfeeding I applaud your response to the young woman. I think as nursing mothers all of us at one time or another will be drawn into the debate, especially here in the States, where there is still such a stigma against public nursing. Before I began breastfeeding my son I was convinced that I would not want to nurse in public, but that idea went completely out the window when I realized how often I would be forced to nurse in the car (during the summer, and really? Should I have to nurse in the car? I think not) if I chose not to nurse in public. It was just such a natural act to me. I fell into it easily (I know some of us don't) and didn't see the problem. But of course there were the times I had to defend my choice. Who doesn't, right? Anyway, I loved your response.

http://mami2alittlebalkan.wordpress.com/

Awesome!

cmc1217 — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 10:02:27 -0500

Church is one of those really hard places to breastfeed for me (church sort of screams modesty to me). I generally sit in the crying room with my daughter (throughout) because I find it hard to manipulate her (and all her things!) out of the "main" area quickly. But you do make an excellent point - why not feed her there (esp. if I use a wrap, so I'm not exposing anything)?

Good for you!

My Baby Sweetness

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Amen sister!

TracieB — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 11:15:16 -0600

You're so right. I think low rise jeans are for the most part unflattering because of this issue. I've had a pair or two, I think both of which are now at a bin at Goodwill. I couldn't stand them, after about ten minutes of wearing them. I think low rise jeans look good when you try them on at the dressing room. But then, it is artificial. You aren't wearing them in day to day life, not yet, so you don't know yet how torturous they can be to wear. It's like beautiful shoes that don't truly fit, but they seem to flatter, but you know three inch heels are going to be miserable, but they at first try-on SEEM to fit. But in the end, you never wear them because you hate the pain afterward. Only these are pants, and you wear pants every day, more or less, unless you wear a dress, skirt, or shorts. That's different than shoes you only wear every so often, not every day.

No woman should be caught dead in public with her crack or underwear showing, or wearing mom jeans if a mom. I don't really think high rise jeans look good, either. It's like those pants older men wear sometimes that come up halfway up their chest. I don't understand that choice, and you know what I mean, it looks weird on them. It doesn't look any better on women, either, of any age or generation. I think regular rise pants look the best on everybody, pretty much. What's so boring about them that we need "low rise" or whatever? There's even low rise underwear, which is slide down your butt panties to go with your slide down your butt pants.

But only being able to wear your low rise jeans with long shirts kinda stinks, because you dont' just have long shirts. You have regular length shirts, too. I dont' have enough clothing to play around with this issue, not in this economy. I think regular cut pants you can wear with it all. I think that pants don't need to change in terms of rise. They need to change to fit all different body types, from boyish to super curvy to flat butt to whatever.....

I don't know why anyone

Trisha — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:48:47 -0500

I don't know why anyone would be shocked by it either! It is kind of shocking to think someone would be shocked!

Kids are always changing what they wear and what's cool now won't be tomorrow. I guess what's really shocking that there are adults who have nothing better to do than analyze what kids are wearing.

from my blog: 12 Things You Can Do To Set a Healthy Example for Your Kids - can you think of any others to add to the list?

Hmm I'm Not Sure

GlindaofOz — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 08:22:53 -0500

All I know is that every teenager I see is still running around half naked. I'd love for the "modesty trend" to roll into my town. I'm a little over feeling humiliated for these girls. It's really hard to restrain myself from running over to them and pulling their skirts/shorts or pants up and their shirts down over their tummy. <shakes head> I'd love to see a kid in pants where their little booty isn't hanging out or a top that actually fits.

I'll take the "morning after look" over the "on the street working it" look anyday.

Self-discovery through fashion!

www.wisdomofglinda.com

http://askglinda.blogspot.com

http://glindaofoz.blogspot.com

Buying trends

Anyabeth — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:33:46 -0500

Rarely have to do with what those trends advisors tell us they do. Believe me, as some one who is working with those things every day retail is a wild blind swing trying to guess what all consumers want--let alone teens and tweens.

Anyabeth

If you can't say anything nice, come sit next to me. Tact free since 2003.

http://tantrumwarehouse.blogspot.com

Ha ok let's do it

Denise — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:55:54 -0500

I won't see RJ (the almost 13 year old) until Tuesday but I'll ask her too. Her response will probably be closer to chickadee's than Michelle's will be.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Good idea!

Mir Kamin — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:53:11 -0500

I think I'll ask my daughter, too. I mean, she usually wears layers because the AC levels at school vary from room to room, but maybe I'm just kidding myself. I guess I'm going to have to explain to her what the "morning after" look means, first, too. ;)

--
Mir Kamin
(BlogHer Mommy & Family contributing editor)

Personal: Woulda Coulda Shoulda

Having it all with less: Want Not

Yep, that just about covers it

Denise — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:48:53 -0500

so to speak.

TW actually sent me this link and from the title, I was ready to hate it because I have issues with the "modesty" movement. Well I did end up hating it but not because of any movement. I hated it because it was crazy.

Way to take a fashion trend and jumble it into something that makes absolutely no sense.

Mir, your post does remind me that I keep forgetting to ask Michelle if she's dressing in more layers now. And if she is, whether she's going for the modesty look or the "night after" look. (Anyone want to bet that she says the night after look means underwear in your back pocket a la Ani DiFranco...)

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

I know what you mean

christinajeanne — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:46:56 -0500

Well I can sort of sing. But I know what you mean about writing. I live to write. It is so much a part of me I can't go a day without writing. Weather it's in my journal or blog writing is one of my passions. So keep writing!!