BlogHer - Literacy - Comments

Mothering/Governing Can Be Successful

Momofsixteen — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:12:15 -0500

I have another cultural view of the possibilities for Sarah Palin. Having formerly lived overeas when married to a diplomat, I had household staff for every task in the home, including a nanny, a cook, a housekeeper, a gardener, a driver and a seamstress. Life was easy. I also had five children at the time. Two between high school and college, three very young children, aged 2, 4 and 6 when I moved to the Philippines. One day, I broke my toe pretty bad and had to stay in bed for a week or so. The house ran smoothly while I recovered. In fact, I began to wonder that if anyone else could do all the jobs I used to do in the States, what is my role in this family? Is a woman merely a cook for her family, the one who shops and does laundry, chauffeurs the kids, etc? I watched each person as time went by and came to see that even with all these people doing my work, the kids came to me to connect.

Just after that, I began to work a full-time job at the American Embassy there. I issued visa's all day, a very powerful position and with great responsibility for the relationship between countries is highly dependent on visa issues. My five kids were home all day doing various activities with the staff. My older teen daughters explored the city with friends and just had a good time. The younger children enjoyed walks and the park. Because I had realized their connection to me before I accepted the position, I felt no guilt, for I had come to realize that no one could take my place in their lives. Though I had evenings only with them, each evening was as rich and blessed as before I began that job. Our relationship was exactly the same whether I was home full time or working full time.

I remarried recently a widower with eleven children. His late wife, who died of cancer discovered in her eleventh pregnancy, gave birth to two with Down Syndrome. She even dared to go on to have another child after they were born, risking yet another child with special needs. Now I am their "mom." I do all the things she would be doing if she were here. But the relationship is different. These children feel a great sense of loss. They have accepted me in her roles, but will never see me in their life as "their mother." That is as it should be.

Mothering is more than any role we play. It is a relationship that cannot be broken. No matter who is caring for Sarah Palin's children, she will always be their mother. No job can change that. Love binds them together and will help them endure any hardships they face as it has already.

Based on my personal experiences, and my observations of capable women, I am certain Sarah Palin will be able to successfully carry out her relationship to her children well while simultaneously serving the public just as well in any political office she is elected to. This doesn't make her a supermom, either. It makes her a judicious mom. She knows what to delegate and what not to, as I did in the Philippines. Having others do the care of ones children absolutely does not make that parent less of a parent, whether male or female.

Just my two cents worth.

Deb Momofsixteen

superwomen, family support and child rearing

Esya — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:51:38 -0500

As a working and traveling lawyer, mother of three, and mother of an adult disabled daughter, I have always given my husband of 25 plus years credit for doing his "51%". I have a pretty darned good idea of what it takes to do what she is doing. I actually have also campaigned for office twice, in two states, not as successfully as she.

I know that my kids under age 23, did not want to be involved in politics, any of it, and shunned the limelight offered to me, and wanted me home with them in the years that I have been traveling for work. I know that particular age and gender combinations are particularly sensitive to the loss of mom's presence, and of dad's. I know that I always had to make choices between my goals and aspirations and my kids to just have a normal life. Because in the end kids like emotional stability and security until they are comfortable with themselves sometime in their teen years. I also know that splitting even the highest quality time and attention by three, plus mom and dad's careers, has not always been satisfactory to them or us. Parenthood is not a guarantee of perfection. I admired the Clinton's decision to leave it at one, to protect her privacy, and to know when too much was too much for their kid.

Yet I would do it all again, and if I was in Palin's place I might have said hell yes. But there is something about her public casualness about their sacrifice, and the slight recognition of it, that bothered me. I kept wondering about that 17 year old--I had a daughter who had some serious difficulties and quite honestly I just don't know where she'd be today if I had not woke up and realized no matter how she was acting like she was all grown up she was wanting my help. As for the infant, oh aren't they so cute but she has no clue how much work and sacrifice is ahead for her husband, her other children, her extended family. Two careers is a challenge, and a child with Down's syndrome and health problems is a challenge, and a large family is a challenge, and being vice president is a challenge--and sometimes Americans are optimistic to the point of being unrealistic about the consequences.

Ah, okay, here we are in the

miteegirl — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:22:37 -0500

Ah, okay, here we are in the "Sliming Palin" article.

"Emmons flatly stated her opposition each time."

Looks like she answered. Hmm.

If all of that is true as

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:06:59 -0500

If all of that is true as represented, then I would agree with you that it doesn't reflect well.

Katherine Stone

I'm not picking on you,

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:05:06 -0500

I'm not picking on you, Laurie. I've just noticed how many people have really gotten wrapped up in that statement. I agree it was only one small part of your larger commentary.

Katherine Stone

Oh Katherine, SHE said it.

lauriewrites — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:46:55 -0500

It was a centerpiece of her speech and it's been replayed a billion times.

If it were the only thing I was using to draw my conclusions I'd see your point, but as it stands it was just one detail I used to illustrate my point.

Laurie

We also know that Palin then

miteegirl — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:41:32 -0500

We also know that Palin then tried to fire Mary Ellen Emmons, who supported Palin's rival during the mayoral campaign.

She withdrew the termination letter for Emmons after getting pressure from city residents.

No matter how many times the question about banning books was asked or answered, these flirtations with cronyism performance management in Wasila and elsewhere do not reflect well on Palin.

Maybe her employee didn't

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:30:06 -0500

Maybe her employee didn't answer the first two times? I have no idea. I'm quite sure we'll all find out in great detail before this is all over.

Katherine Stone

Why did she ask three times

miteegirl — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:19:05 -0500

Why did she ask three times if she just needed to answer a constituent?

To answer a constituent, she needed to only ask once.

It's not just judgment of HER

Belhar — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:12:23 -0500

Beautifully Stated...I could not agree more.

Under no agenda. But I

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:08:28 -0500

Under no agenda. But I guess I just wonder if she asked so that she could respond to a constituent with whatever the official policy or process was, or if she was motivated to ask because she really wanted to ban a book. Do we know?

Katherine Stone

Didn't ban books. You are

miteegirl — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:52:44 -0500

Didn't ban books. You are correct.

However, she DID have a conversation with librarian Mary Ellen Emmons where she asked her three (3!) times about possibly removing objectionable books from the library "if the need arose". When Palin was questioned about this, she stated that this was simply a policy discussion with a department head "about understanding and following administration agendas."

Under what administrative agenda is it okay to ban books?

Lipstick and mean dogs

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:44:20 -0500

Everyone seems to really be stuck on this issue of the lipstick and the pit bull. I think people who don't like Sarah overstate its meaning, and people who do think it's funny and meaningless.

Katherine Stone

Book ban rumor false

katstone — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:37:43 -0500

I'm not for book banning either, but from what I've heard that story is not true. From the CNN blog "Political Ticker":

On Monday, [the McCain campaign] sent reporters a memo in response to reports that the Wasilla, Alaska resident had tried to ban a lengthy list of books when she was mayor of that town.

“This is categorically false. The fact is that as Mayor, Palin never asked anyone to ban a book and not one book was ever banned, period,” McCain campaign spokesman Brian Rogers said, directing reporters to campaign research "debunking this smear."

Watchdog Web site snopes.com has also debunked an e-mail that purports to include a list of books Palin tried to ban – several of which were not even published in 1996, when the message says her attempt took place. Factcheck.org also published a lengthy list of rumors they had found to be false under the headline "Sliming Palin."

Katherine Stone

It's Palin as a person who makes me fly to the moon

JCK — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:00:31 -0500

You make some great points. Powerful women can be good mothers. I do not have an issue with Sarah Palin being a mother of several children and running for VP. However, it is her policies and decision making while as Governor in Alaska that has me flying off to the moon screaming...

There are many things I disagree on with Sarah Palin, but trying to ban books from her local library has got to be one of her most disturbing campaigns.

JCK

http://motherscribe.blogspot.com