BlogHer - Infertility - Comments

Pragmatism Precludes This

MLOKnitting — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:14:00 -0500

We wanted them to understand that infertility is a disease and needs to
be included in the discussion on health care reform. It isn't enough to
work only to bring minimal coverage to the uninsured. If we're talking
true reform, we need to aim high and make sure that no one is
under-insured.

Despite my own experiences, I find that I fall back on the lessons of American social history and realize that unless the bar is set to minimal coverage for transmissable diseases and linked to actuarial tables, we won't get anywhere. The reality is that for universal health care of any sort ot occur in the USA there must be items that are not part of the basic care - at least at first.

Unfortunately, reproductive health as a whole is so fraught with political and religious overtones inthe USA, bringing them into the debate will only delay any sort of universal care. It would be far better to encourage the private sector to compete on this one for now by taking the expense and risk of the most basic care from them. ROI is going to have to be the biggest single determinant to pass a universal health care plan. Infertility just does not have a high enough ROI for the first pass through and focusing on it will delay acceptance.

I know my view is unpopular in the IF community. I have worked in D.C. and know that a similar plan to what Obama is proposing was proposed as a shared risk plan among small business owners under the Reagan/Bush I regimes by joint Republican/Democrat groups to no success. Go for the low-hanging fruit first. Then we can talk about expanding coverage.

Pax,

MLO / Melissa

Incremental vs. Monumental?

babysmiling — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 11:21:59 -0500

There's a lot of talk right now in the health care debate about the merits of incremental versus monumental change. Regardless of which way it goes, something's gotta change.

I have seen people bankrupt by medical bills, both without and with insurance coverage.

I have seen people acquire lifelong disabilities because they didn't have simple coverage -- when the government end up paying millions in services because someone couldn't access a $2 course of antibiotics, the system is fundamentally broken.

My friends and colleagues in other countries think that the U.S. situation is pathetic and mind-boggling.

As for myself, do I wish I'd had IF coverage all along, before spending our life savings on treatments (and then doing it again for another round of treatments)? Absolutely. But even more, I wish I could have had access to insurance that covered maternity. For much of the past 7 years, I've had to make life choices based on the possibility of getting pregnant. This has included seeking and maintaining insurance with maternity coverage, just in case I became pregnant, as I was trying so hard to do.

Last year after COBRA on a previous policy ran out, with my job not providing health care I had to find a totally different full-time job to do on top of my other job. The only individual insurance plan I could obtain that covered maternity had a one-year waiting period -- a year that I didn't have, considering that more than 6 years had already passed since I'd started TTC. There were financial and career benefits to the new job, of course, but if it hadn't been for the health insurance, I would have stuck with just one full-time job.

I have finally secured insurance that's not job-based that covers maternity (which I'm using extensively right now) and also would have covered infertility including IVF if I still needed it, which I will not if things go alright with this pregnancy. But, I pay over $6000 per year for it -- just to cover myself, not my husband nor my children when they do arrive. Health care is a huge part of our personal budget, and $6k is a drop in the bucket compared to what I spent on treatments last year, but most Americans don't have $6k per person lying around -- and so they take their chances.

Going back to my original point about incremental versus monumental change, I believe in my heart that change is coming, this year. This may be our only big chance at change, so we'd better make it good.

The Family Building Acts are ironic to me personally, to link OB and IF coverage, because it's been so difficult for me to secure either one. If we have to pick one, OB (and basic health care) should be the priority, yes, but maybe we don't have to pick. Maybe everything can change, all at once.

http://babysmiling.wordpress.com

Hard truth

Ana123 — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 08:13:24 -0500

Dear Mel & all,

I had to comment on this (I created an account specifically for this). Unfortunately, as unpopular as my opinion will be in this community, I have to agree with MLO. I happen to work in healthcare and have seen patients or parents of patients struggle to afford the care they need, to ration their medicines to make them last longer, or put off care indefinitely due to cost. I am also infertile & have zero insurance coverage for treatments. I have spent sleepless nights wondering if I could ever afford to build a family and cursing how unfair that is, given that the government fully supports (for example) teenaged crack-whores having multiple babies. I get it. Oh how I get it.

The hard truth is, however, there are Americans (including children and infants) right now that lack access to very basic medical care and I find this unacceptable and shameful. Having insurance tied to employment is also a ludicrous system. Anyone can lose their job at any time, and be left in the lurch; and people often avoid changing jobs or careers due to concerns about healthcare benefits. Affordable health care for everyone DOES seem to me like a basic right that we should be supporting in this country. But any chance of passing universal care in this country needs to be somewhat cost effective---again, as MLO said, initially covering transmissable disease, cancer prevention, childhood screening, and other public health measures that are proven to save lives & money in the long run.

Special interests (yes, this is a special interest, though one near and dear to many of us) will only slow down or prevent real change. Say it works---the government decides that IF treatments need to be covered---who's going to step up next for their cause? I agree that IF is a disease, but there are many others that believe their afflictions are, too. How long will this take, and will it eventually get so bogged down that the movement languishes, as in the past.

Also (as above) getting the government truly involved in these heated and heavy reproductive issues could end up backfiring (what if...treatments would be covered, but retrievals limited to 1-2, embryo freezing not allowed, selective reduction from higher-order multiples resulting from IF treatments not allowed, those wanting to be single parents by choice not allowed, same-sex couples not allowed.... I could go on).

I so WANT to support this. I want to believe that in the near future I could get MY treatments or those of my friends covered & we could build our families without that added monetary stress. But realistically, taking the big picture, cold-hard-facts look, at this point, universal IF coverage would be impractical. Given the varying beliefs (and seemingly un-ending supply of fertility) of the majority of Americans, it would be difficult to get the public behind it and insisting on it as a condition of universal health care may slow down any chance we have of getting much-needed healthcare policy change to happen.

With peace & friendly vibes,

Ana

Looking at the details of a

avflox — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:42:32 -0500

Looking at the details of a study is important. It never ceases to amaze me how many people present the evidence in their writing without taking a loot--I did and now I wish I had taken more time to do the research. That's the key of science, isn't it? Question everything.

Excellently written.

I cannot wait to see it.

ameliasprout — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:26:59 -0500

Why shouldn't movies deal with infertility and loss in a real way. I was lucky in that I didn't have any issues, but I saw people very close to me deal with it when I was young (both loss and multiple failed IVF's & adoption) and I consider myself very fortunate because of that. If we don't talk about it, how will things ever change?

Great movie, great review : )

loribeth — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 14:29:56 -0500

Thank you so much for this, Mel. I've seen the movie but haven't had time to write about it on my own blog yet. I am currently living childless/free after loss & infertility (I'm also a scrapbooker, which ties into another key plot point). Carl & Ellie could very well be my dh & me, 30-odd years from now.

I had been forewarned about the opening sequence by another blogger. Even so -- I was reduced to a puddle of tears within seconds of the cloud babies appearing. Tried not to sob too loudly (because there were children all around me), but I was shaking like a leaf. My dh was squeezing my hand so tightly I thought he was going to crush a bone. Once I pulled myself together, I had to take my glasses off to clean them because they were so waterlogged, I could not see the screen. Had to bring out the Kleenex again toward the end of the movie when he rediscovers Ellie's scrapbook.

Despite the tears -- I thought it was an absolutely wonderful movie, for so many reasons. And I appreciated its message hugely -- that it's possible to have a full & happy life without children, and that you don't necessarily have to go to Paradise Falls to find adventure (there may be adventures to be had in your own backyard, if you know where to look). Kind of reminded me of "The Wizard of Oz" in that respect. (I can remember bawling my eyes out as a kid when the wizard took off in his balloon from Oz to go back to Kansas, leaving Dorothy behind.)

I think the best kids' movies appeal just as much (if not more) to adults, & Up falls squarely into that category. I have a feeling parents will probably make more out of the opening sequence than their children will. I'm sure the kids will be focused much more on the adventure, Kevin the colourful bird and the talking dogs. (There's a sequence with dogs playing poker that's taken straight from the classic picture -- dh & I totally cracked up, but I think we were the only ones in the entire theatre who got the joke.)

This is a most awesome post.

lauriewrites — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 12:19:00 -0500

And a wonderful treatment of how the overall theme of loss and reinventing yourself in the face of it is a lot of what life is about (at some times more than others.)

That opening sequence may well be the best montage - real or animated or Pixarized - I've ever seen. Count me in as one of the criers, and yes, it was projection in addition to empathy for these characters. Mine? Have not parented, have no idea if I'm fertile or not, don't know how it will play out, still feel loss as a result of not fulfilling a role in life that I always thought I would, that nonetheless remains complicated for a bunch of reasons. I found myself amazed later by how powerfully one silent scene in an animated film can tap into so much, even subconsciously.

I haven't read the posts but I can only think that people who reacted in anger did so as a result of their own circumstances. Children are faced with many more potentially alarming topics in movies and on tv, some of them you list here. I couldn't handle Bambi then, can't now. And I would never have thought to be upset by the depiction of absentee parenting - to see a sympathetic character go through that and have a kickass time anyway and find an (elderly) friend in the process. Awesome! I loved the intergenerational (and subtly multicultural) aspect of this film.

My only complaint? Would have loved to see more of power-girl Ellie in the beginning, but she made her mark.

Interesting and just the way of the world that people can look at the same thing and see it in such entirely different ways. I love your reflections here, Melissa.

Laurie

LaurieWrites

Great movie...

Reproductive Jeans — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:50:12 -0500

Mook and I went to see this on our first date night since o-man was born. I did NOT know what to expect--I heard someone say "bring tissues" but had no clue it would mean I needed a BOX of tissues. Mook and I both shed a tear-and squeezed hands as we saw ourselves on that screen in the dr office getting our diagnosis.

I wonder if anyone @ Pixar was dealing with/has dealth with infertility, as they are such a tight-knit group of people--very family oriented.

This will be a great movie to show o-man one day when we are telling him about our journey to bring him into our life.

Our journey of passing on our family "jeans"
reproductivejeans.blogspot.com

Follow me on Twitter!
http://twitter.com/reprojeans

Can't wait to see it

jreale — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 11:38:15 -0500

Wow, what an insightful, lucid post. Perhaps you'll launch a career as a film critic next?

Sincerely,

Jody Reale
Boulder, CO
http://www.jodyreale.com

Thank you Mel! :)

MeAndBaby — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 20:39:02 -0500

I've been going through this very thing this week trying to plan a girls trip across the country. The dates are iffy but all in the month of July. Let's see, I could be in early pregnancy and already suffer from motion sickness without the luxury of dramamine. Or I could be cycling again and miss CD3... or I could be cycling again and miss CDs 8 and 10 (monitoring days). One of the girls, even though she knows what I am up to, doesn't get it -can't I just wait a month. And voluntarily miss a cycle?! Is she crazy?

This is sooo true. And it

Ewebey — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 13:28:59 -0500

This is sooo true. And it becomes more and more apparent how IF is ruling our lives for the summer because we can't plan anything because it MIGHT interfere with treatments.

*Thanks for the shout out!

LOL - Yes, Somedays I Really Don't Want To Cope

Gena Haskett — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 07:04:21 -0500

I'm not a good cusser. I'm more of a rant, cuss, ranter. I have been in the presence of those that have let it rip as they verbally assaulted another person. Not for the faint of heart.

There are a special few who can do it without using the 7 words you can't say on TV. Those folks are scary good at it.

You are right, it should only be used in the most extreme or provoking situation. The people who constantly cuss other people out for petty reasons generally have no power, language skills or self-esteem.

There are certain legendary contestants on reality TV shows that prove my point.

Baden Powell - hadn't thought of him for years. I think I read his biography when I was a kid. How the world has changed.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

Coloured pencils

kazari — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 23:43:33 -0500

When I'm angry, drawing a picture of how i feel (with lots of red and scribbles ) really, really helps. my favourite one lately was a small girled curled up in the corner of the page and a big scream trumpet saying 'I DON"T WANT TO COPE!!!' across the rest of the page. lots of red and black and yellow.

then i could look at it, and say, yes, that is how i feel, and put it away.

and about the cussing - it sounds like you're good at it! But I like the quote by Baden Powell (victorian guy who invented scouts) - i don't know it exactly but he says that cursing is such powerful stress relief that we should save it for the most stressful situations. this allows it to retain it's power, and also stops us inadvertently letting rip in front of an inappropriate audience...

Seaching For The Right Physical Activity

Gena Haskett — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 21:28:07 -0500

I do need to find something - in my fantasy it is boxing or learn how to become a ninja. That ain't gonna happen but I can visualize being victorious as I concur the forces of evil.

I do a lot of walking but I think you are right; there has to be a committed daily exercise to move the toxins out.

Stagnation, yeah I should be so lucky. I just know I'll be on the re-incarnation express because it does seem like it is taking way longer than it should for certain lessons to kick in.

Life is a process and a journey. I just want a better road map is all. I have spoken to the Head Deity in Charge about this often.

I can hear the laughter from here.
Gena - Out On The Stoop

A few responses

Candelaria Silva — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:28:50 -0500

I feel you and hear you and been you, well not you, but where you are.

Cussin' - sometimes we have to succumb to that urge. Carolyn Rodgers wrote poetry in the late 60s and 70s and she had a great political piece called "The Last Motherf..." If you've never read it, you must find it.

Lamaze breathing - I do deep breathing that I was taught in Lamaze classes many years ago to regulate my thoughts when I get too angry for my own good.

Walking - I've been committed to walking for some time - 2-3 times a week with 1 or 2 friends, 3-5 times a week by myself doing errands. I take diffierent routes. We sometimes catch the T and go to different places - like a garden, the waterfront, etc. It chills me out more than anything except dancing.

Books - I enjoyed a book "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway." I read it more than 10 years ago I believe, but it struck a chord with me and has helped me since. I also read the prayers in Illuminata by Marianne Williamson a lot. They are calming.

Drafting - I draft a love of angry missives, 99% of which never see the light of day because writing it or saying it aloud helps me clear my head, heart and energy.

If you "were as enlightened as you wanted to be at this point in your life" there's be no more room for growth and taht stagnation would be worse.

Sometimes, you just got to get somone/some institution, told! (I wrote a piece on my blog called "The Missives are in the Air." Check it out when you've a moment.

I'll check out the video above. Thanks for the post.

http://blog.candelarisilva.com

http://examiner.com/x-2478-Boston-Domestic-Issues_Examiner

Good and plenty!