BlogHer - Infertility - Comments

pulling my head out of the sand

Lindaloohoo — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 11:42:27 -0500

i am new to this forum but not the infertility game, having gone thru years of pain and frustration and many, many treatments before having the final bonus of requiring a complete hysterectemy.

yet i still managed to sit thru this movie and have this subject go completely over my head. WHAT?? how did my head not explode when charlotte's character said that??

while feeling completely shocked that i missed it, i can also take comfort in knowing that i am becoming immune to the hurtful things ignorant people say about infertility and adoption.

having adopted our son three years ago, i can't imagine any writer who knew, or had heard about, or had sat next to someone on a bus, ANYONE who had gone thru the adoption process, how could ANY writer make the mistake of thinking that an adopted child is ANY LESS than a gazillion percent your own child? or to demean that reality by suggesting it was a mean's to a more desired end???

i feel the pain and the struggle and the hurt of those of you out there dealing with this issue today and i wish you the best. i can tell you that adoption was the answer for me and my family. the loving arms of my husband and the warm, sticky kisses of my son have helped erase that pain.

my fairy tale ending is in the other room. he's looking at his wall-e stuff.

linda - www.wheresmydamnanswer.com

on a positive note

bleu — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:52:46 -0500

Hey I learned a new word though.

hermeneutic

Cool beans thanks for that!!!

Great post

bleu — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:51:09 -0500

I take it you have never seen the show before and I have to say that this show was such a big disappointment, on so many levels. I also will say the previews from the next show make me feel that this season has really taken a turn for the worse. I watched quite a few the first season and most were very good shows. Most were about enlightening others in numerous ways. Most involved people who were open to changing their views, or amending them at least.

This show was with someone who was never intending to change anything, she said so from the start, she was there to "stand by her beliefs" and went into it defensive as if she herself believed she was facing an "army" (her words) of heathens. (On a side note I know heathens, and some are just the bomb)

She kept saying she could see they were good parents but shouldn't be allowed to parent, and then how she was sad they could not be friends. Sure, let me disagree with everything about you, work to legislate away your human rights but hey we should still be friends, what's wrong with you that you won't still be friends, that we can't agree to disagree.

In my mind she DID change her views, but she could never say so because of her prior brainwashing so instead she just contradicts herself over and over.

And do not get me started on the Family Research guy and the lasy after him, that infuriated me even more.

The thing is Mel, there was no point to this one. It was horribly produced and horribly put together, but maybe if enough other people see how bad it was, just maybe something good can come of it. Who knows.

As always thanks for the wonderful post.

Bleu

http://soulbliss.blogspot.com

Excellent post! I was

no_I_am_zoe — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:42:28 -0500

Excellent post! I was going to post about this episode of 30 Days, but I haven't had time to watch it yet. Your frustration in watching a one hour episode where a person does not change there mind and sticks to their religious convictions, is but a taste of the frustration I deal with with my parents, on a regular basis. We just have to agree to disagree.

I too don't quite understand the point of including the expert from the Family Research Council. Maybe they thought they we providing balance. I'm sure I'd be infuriated by hearing the quote. And if you were bothered by Morgan's coverage of donor insemination, maybe I don't shouldn't watch this episode.

Living With No Children Vs. Infertility

chronicchick — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:13:15 -0500

It's a mindset I grew into after a while. We've been married 28 years and sometimes I STILL get misty-eyed looking at someone's else's baby. Does that mean I'd now want a child after all this time? No. Our lives have moved on and have taken us down a very different path but you should see people's reactions when they say, "Do you have any children?" right after learning how long we've been married. I could have said I'm from Mars with less shock.

thank you for the article

Nycphoenix — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 21:59:30 -0500

thank you for the article mel and your support

Religion is for those who fear going to hell, spirituality is for those who have already been there

So True

The Town Crier — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 07:11:30 -0500

I think I was shocked by the sheer number of commentors like this too--all congregating in one space. I real 21 comments and only saw perhaps 4 or 5 that weren't inflammatory or cruel.

I think there's an additional type of person too--the one who is so thoughtless that not only can they not see any other point-of-view, but they don't care if their words are hurting you too.

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

"shake them so hard, trying to get answers"

nleisher — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 01:26:16 -0500

I have found that the types of people who would leave such terrible comments (ie: "I have little sympathy for people who can’t have their own children") are the type of people who simply can't open their minds long enough to hear any other point of view than their own.

Throughout the years on message boards and blogs, I have quite frequently ran into people who disagree with me on a variety of subjects. Plus, the aspect of being quite outspoken tends to not only introduce topics many people wouldn't touch, but I've found it makes a lot of people feel they can be quite rude in their responses. When someone does disagree with me, I welcome the conversation. I like to debate my point of view, but not to get the other person to change their minds. Just to get the other person to accept the other way of thinking.

Unfortunately, I have found the people who are the most rude in their comments/disagreements with me, are the ones who simply cannot accept there is another way of thinking on a subject. It's worse if I was the one who approached someone and disagreed with them. Although I have always been kind, stating my position using facts and niceties, most people think I'm attacking them - using the argument "I thought this was America with Free Speech! I should be allowed to have my opinion!". My point exactly, hence why I gave a differing opinion! Of course, I never hear this argument when I'm the one being "attacked".

My whole point of this is to explain why I don't even bother trying to get these commentors to change their minds. They're closed minded and just won't open their minds wide enough for a differing view of their own. These people simply don't care how their comments makes us feel. It's sad there are so many people like this in the world.

Thanks, friend...

Pamela Jeanne — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 10:18:13 -0500

Infertility is such an uphill battle. It's not enough that we have to face the personally invasive treatments, broken dreams and biological failure, but then layer on the dismissive to downright nasty perceptions and attitudes from those ignorant about the far-reaching effects of infertility and, well, is it any wonder most experiencing infertility work so hard to protect themselves and remain silent. Sigh.

So looking forward to meeting you, Mel, in a few weeks!

Pamela Jeanne

http://www.Coming2Terms.com

Immunize, test, screen...

clickmichelle — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:45:56 -0500

As the daughter of a cervical cancer survivor, and as a woman with my own non-wart HPV issues, I'm vocal about this to the young women in my life. Unfortunately, they aren't my daughters so my speechifying may be falling on deaf ears.

During one of my marathon sessions with my gyn in the colposcopy/LEEP suite, we talked about HPV and its prevalence. I asked if we should do HPV test for me and his answer was "Why? You have it. I don't need a test to tell me that." I respected that. I'm far too old for Gardasil, been sexually active for *mumble* years, and all of a sudden over the course of a year went from normal pap to CIN III. If I don't have HPV, it would be very strange. But a younger woman has different concerns than I do. Fertility, fecundity, general health issues, a younger woman would have concerns about all these inter-related things. Me, if this comes back, I get a hysterectomy. Big deal, childbearing years are a decade behind me.

But the stigma... we have to figure out a way to remove the stigma of HPV. Dr D says that at least 75% of sexually active adults have been exposed. If you've had sex with someone who has had sex with someone else, it's likely that you've been exposed. Dr D told me about a patient of his who attended a rather fundie church. She was afraid to get treatment for her HPV because people at her church might find out about it. I wonder if she would have been just as hesitant to treat a melanoma, since that would have meant she had immodestly exposed her skin to the sun.

If we are able to get past that stigma and immunize the majority of our young women as a matter of course (and young men, if Gardasil or Cervarix are ever approved for such a use) and make testing for various types of HPV virus widespread and commonplace, then screening for precancerous lesions will be much more effective. And I do believe it's possible that we could eradicate cervical cancer in a generation or two.

It's something to strive for.

Stigma be gone!

felicepd — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:52:46 -0500

Great post. I had medium stage cancer cells on my cervix in my 20s that were not warts related. In fact, way back then I didn't even know that there was a correlation. Good thing, probably! I had to go through tons of tests, biopsies and uncomfortable procedures where part of my cervix was removed. I haven't had any problems since (thank goodness!).

At the time, I knew so little about the whole thing. At first, the specialist I went to see wanted to do a hysterectomy (he first told me that if I wanted to have kids I might want to hurry up and do that -- OK, I was single and so not ready). The next specialist I saw determined that it wasn't necessary and she removed part of the cervix, warning me that I might have problems bearing children down the road.

I share this because I can tell you it sucked. The whole thing. I hope people read the statistics in your post and will share them so everyone can get past whatever stigma there is and prtect themselves.

Felice

The Little Jobber

Thanks for the Gardasil links

mothergoosemouse — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 09:25:54 -0500

A few of my commenters brought up the side effects of Gardasil (even though, like your piece here, I was focused on HPV and the test - not the vaccine), so I appreciate the links you posted above - I'm going to dig into them further.

And I'm with you - the stigma of (ew) warts still persists in my mind. But given the facts regarding the prevalence of the virus and its many strains, I'm getting past it.

Julie

mothergoosemouse

i know its only semi related

wetnap — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:57:43 -0500

i know its only semi related to the original comment. but i just thought it was the actual issue people seem to be dodging. its like people don't want to acknowledge it because they fear women will choose motherhood over their careers and that is anti feminist? many are in charlottes position because they simply wait too long, and the real myth thats been pushed for a long time is that fertility treatments solve everything so just put it off till you are established. the reality is that many of the famous people who have children later on use rather extreme measures such as donor eggs.

re: the real lesson

cwgentry — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:17:55 -0500

Wow, wetnap, that's kind of a hurtful comment, and doesn't really seem to relate to the original post.Can you clarify what you meant?

the real lesson isn't from

wetnap — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 07:40:18 -0500

the real lesson isn't from the fiction.

the reality is out of 4 actresses they have only 3 children between them. and at their age the numbers probably not going to increase.

genetic suicide? natural selection works in bizarre ways?

take from that what you will.