BlogHer - oral sex - Comments

I can't even watch it, how do I expect him to?

babybeatnik — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 01:21:37 -0600

Being pregnant for a second time has brought up some conversation that didn't really come about the first time around. When I had my daughter, my husband stood up by my head and held my hand. I asked him the other night if he wanted to do the same, or if he wanted to watch this time.

His response was not really shocking - he wants to stick to what he knows. I can't say that I blame him. While a mirror wasn't offered to me for my first birth, I don't think I would have wanted it - and I know I don't want it this time around either.

All I know is that the idea of actually SEEING a child come out of my girlie parts scares the crap out of me, and if that's something I can't handle, I can't expect him to either.

Great post! I really enjoyed reading this.

Hippies unite!

moonfever0 — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 08:56:54 -0600

Oh, I'm glad that I finally found the name for what we are, "hippie-ish holistic celebration of bodily plumbing". LOL, we just call it a naked family. But when it came to childbearing, I couldn't take watching those delivery videos over and over in the class and I flatly refused the mirror. But my husband was free to do as he wanted and he was there watching the whole time. No effect on sex afterwards (that I know of). Great post.

Angela at mommy bytes

Oh, what trauma ;}

Backpacking Dad — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 03:15:49 -0600

My wife didn't want to see anything in a mirror; I couldn't be torn away. I saw the hair on my daughter's head and fatherhood was real and sudden and permanent.

As long as there isn't, currently, a baby coming out then everything is business as usual. I'm not a hippie, the-body-is-teh-awesome, myself, but maybe because my focus, in that look, was on my daughter's arrival and not my wife's contortion, maybe that's why I don't feel traumatized. I wasn't looking at a Used-to-be-Now-different, but at a Never-was-Now-present; there was no change in my wife, just in my life.

http://backpackingdad.blogspot.com

I was Surprised

AmberS — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:28:49 -0600

I saw that episode of Oprah, too. I was a little bit disappointed that the doctor more or less suggested men shouldn't see childbirth. Discounting it out of hand for fear of repercussions down the line seems a bit overblown, considering what a big moment it is for lots of dads.

During childbirth classes with my first baby my husband was totally squeamish. As in, could barely watch the birth video, wanted to leave the classroom squeamish. He was really worried about passing out as I gave birth, and he told me he would stay by my head. Which was fine by me, I needed his moral support more than I needed him to see the whole thing.

In the moment, though, with both of our kids he was right there watching. And he wasn't the least bit bothered. He says once you're there, you can't miss the birth of your child. The second time I did ... um ... you know ... on the delivery table, and we joked about it afterward. We're bathroom door closers, but childbirth is a different ballgame.

And for the record, our love live hasn't suffered any negative consequences from the experience. Other than we have two kids and we're exhausted all the time, that is. ;-)

~ Amber

www.strocel.com

Well said

RenaissanceTrophyWife — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:37:06 -0600

I got so traumatized by watching a couple painful deliveries that I was convinced I needed to adopt instead. Since few men (besides Ob-GYNs) are that intimate with the miraculous but messy birth process, I definitely don't want to subject my guy to that. Frankly, I would prefer that he stay at the head of the bed... or even leave during the goriest part, then come back in to cut the cord.

Count me in as another bathroom-door-closer, too! I have no problem with bodily functions (school got all the squeamish tendencies out of me) but a little mystery never hurt anyone.

Renaissance Trophy Wife: the modern girl's guide to smart lifestyle investments

http://www.renaissancetrophywife.com

"The Talk" Starts SOOOO Early

Midlife Mama — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 18:47:49 -0500

After reading about the "Knights of the Round Table" AT 14!!! my heartrate just skyrocketed. I am, however, sadly unsurprised. I never had a sex talk with my mother and learned what little inofrmation I had about sex from school in the fifth grade puberty explanation...that's it! My girls are 8 and 9 and we have already had the sex talk. Partly, because they told us that their friend had told them on the bus that sex was when a man went pee inside a woman....which to them, seemed incongruous with the "a man and a woman love each other in a speecial way" explanation we'd given them a year earlier when they'd asked what sex was. They'd learned the term "sex"from a neighborhood kid when they were having an innocent talk about kissing when their neighborhood buddy said, "yeah, I know you want to kiss Zac Efron but do you want to have sex with him?! I was standing in the window looking at the beautiful blank stares on my babies' faces as I tried to retrieve my jaw from the floor and roll my eyes back into my head...Bottom line- They are talking about it sooner (because whether or not your child is allowed to watch innapprorpriate crap on TV, somneone on the bus surely has), girls are reaching puberty sooner,kids seem curious sooner and that all equals early experimentation. So get the bees a buzzin' and let the birds fly because the ONLY way to make sure the "Knights" game isn't played by your kids is to TALK to them- early. The American Girl series has a great book on puberty for girls. It's a gentle start if you have daughters and there are great internet references too to talk to your kids about sex in age appropriate ways and terms...and according to this blog the terms keep changing...third base is ORAL?!! REALLY?!!

Scary stuff!

AnissaMayhew — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:14:29 -0500

I have a 10, 7 and 4 year old, but i hear so many things from my friends who have teens and PRE-teens.

One new party game is "Knights of the round table". I'm all "wow, they joust or something?" Not so much. Apparently there is a tablecloth and all the boys will get naked from the waist down and the girls go under the table and try to identify the boys...orally. This was from the houseparty of a 14 year old.

I have issues with the kids being taught that sex isn't sex....if they're going to have it, they're going to have it, but be honest about it, be safe and call it what it is. We need to step up as parents, get over our shock and horror and just answer the questions honestly, put the facts out there and make sure they understand that this is a choice they get to make....choose wisely.

No amount of threats or scare tactics kept me from making my choice what I feel now was too early. But like Mominatrix said, I had to learn on my own and that left it up to me to discover. Not the best of options.

Anissa Mayhew

www.hope4peyton.org

The Definition Of Sex

chronicchick — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:33:26 -0500

After we had a former president who even wanted a defintion of the term, who are we to say what is and isn't a base these days? Personally my definition, as I told my child, when someone has an orgasm, it's sex- and it didn't require me to get elected to know this.

Third Base Ain't What it Used to Be

Logan Levkoff — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 10:47:49 -0500

Rita,

I am chuckling, only because my book is entitled, Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be: What Your Kids are Learning About Sex Today - and How to Teach Them to Become Sexually Healthy Adults. As a sexuality educator (and a mom), there is so much we have to do in order to empower our children to feel good about themselves (and their innate sexuality) so that they don't need to be validated by others. And this is certainly important in light of the latest news out of Gloucester, MA.

Fondly,

Logan

Dr. Logan Levkoff

Sexologist and Sexuality Educator

www.loganlevkoff.com

Is it really that different?

biggirlblue — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 23:07:15 -0500

Is it really that different? I'm 38, and both my best friends in grade school had vaginal and oral sex with multiple partners before highschool (each of them came from different sides of the tracks so to speak). Or is it because of all the news sources available to us that we hear about it more?

Moe
Big Girl Blue, M.E. Wood lens, Large and Lovely

"Women are going to form a chain, a greater sisterhood than the world has ever known." ~Nellie McClung, 1916

2 Thoughts....

dee mcbass — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 23:15:07 -0500

1) Maybe what is 'normal' is being redefined.

2) In the grand scheme of things, oral sex is a safer (notice I didn't say 'safe') alternative to vaginal or anal sex, at least physically. I do wonder about the emotional implications....

DMcB

Ostriches Might Be onto Somthing

cagey333 — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 11:04:26 -0500

I am going to teach my kids that sex is a quaint folk ritual that nobody actually practices any longer.

*sigh*

That's What You Get For Being a Sexually Repressed Society

Motherhooduncensored — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 07:40:15 -0500

I think much of this stems from society's inability to openly discuss sexuality with their kids, as well as a focus on "saving yourself" for marriage that I firmly believe is perpetuated by the religious right. It doesn't help that many parents swoon at the thought of being naked in front of each other -- or, even worse, the thought of their kids growing into sexual beings. Shocking that a society of sexually repressed folks would have kids flocking to oral sex parties. My parents firmly believed in asexuality apparently, so I had to figure it out on my own, and like many college-aged girls (I started late -- I mean, let's be frank -- the thought of sticking a penis in your mouth isn't the most appetizing thing in the world), I decided that oral sex was indeed the better option as opposed to *gasp* lose my precious virginity. Nobody explained all the acts of love to me -- just that sex was it and everything else was a way to keep yourself from doing "it."

The truth is sexuality develops from the beginning of our kid's lives and parents need to take more responsiblity in the education of them. I mean, if you're going to give out blow jobs, at least tell your kids to wait until they're married with three kids and want to get their husband to do some stuff around the house.

(heh)

MominatrixMotherhood Uncensored

I miss the good old days.

mommypie — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 15:11:48 -0500

I have a four-year-old daughter and this is frightening. Who know's WHAT will be considered "normal" by the time she hits her teens?

The thing that really freaks me out are the "Rainbow" Parties ...

You have to talk to your kids

Candelaria Silva — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 10:55:47 -0500

I talked to both my son and daughter about sex, using both formal language and informal slang. I told them that sex was a normal part of life but that there were reasons they should wait until they were independent to have it. I talked to them about birth control, about feelings, about being STDs, about privacy, about self-respect, etc. I told them that I thought oral sex was as intimate, in fact somewhat more intimate than vaginal sex. I also told them I wasn't prepared to be a grandmother before my time and that they weren't prepared to be parents. Some of what I said worked, some of a didn't but they couldn't say they didn't hear from me. I also had lots of books around - including What's Happening to My Body (one for girls, one for boys).

I was also a hot-tailed teenager myself coming of age during the sexual revolution. My mother's instructtions, strictures (and a healthy dose of fear) helped me out until the summer after high school.

Talking about the feelings, the pressures, privacy, how just because someone wants to have sex with you doesn't mean they like you, love you or respect you is important.

Thank goodness I have a few years before my granddaughter has to be brought into the conversation. It ain't easy!