BlogHer - kindergarten - Comments

It definitely helps--as a

Melissa Ford — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:04:40 -0500

It definitely helps--as a parent of twins--to hear it from a twin herself. Thank you!

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

I think it would surprise me

Kymztwinz — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:15:56 -0500

I think it would surprise me if they said they wanted to be in separate classes next year, not because they will have a strong desire to separate, but because at best, they seem indifferent towards staying together or being apart. If one or the other of them vehemently said they wanted to be split up, it would be a little surprising that he or she had that strong of an opinion. Their decision to remain in the same class this year felt like it was more of a "soft" lean in that direction. It's not like they were clasping their hands begging desperately not to separate. So long as there are at least two teachers who come strongly recommended by other teachers, if they choose to separate, I'll let them. (Speaking as a teacher, there are some teachers who I know I wouldn't want teaching my kids. At the end of the year, I can get the inside track on which teacher is "the best". It's not really and "advantage" per se just because I'm a teacher, because other parents could get the same information just as easily as I can.)

Kymberli from I'm a Smart One
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I am a Twin

Alissa-Taylor Gifts — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:50:08 -0500

I am a twin. I have a twin brother. My parents have always, and still treat us as individuals. I truly believe there is not one single blanket answer to the schooling question. Every set of twins is different and should be treated that way. As far as my schooling, my parents decided to keep Daniel & I together pre-school and elementary school. We were (and still are) super close, plus he was outgoing and I was shy, so he made friends, and I latched on. When middle school rolled around, the school system automatically separated us, so my parents made it our decision whether or not we wanted to stay separate or be together - we separated. In high school, obviously things change, and I do not remember having one class with him, but his locker was right next time mine. In that whole time only one teacher compared me to my brother, otherwise I was treated as an individual by everyone. So I feel we had a good school experience being together and apart. We all can tell a story of people we know to give advice, but I think the best advice is to know your children, test things out, and see what the kids want.

Alissa - Taylor Gifts

Taylor Gifts Blog

I think it's a great idea to

Melissa Ford — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 18:21:41 -0500

I think it's a great idea to revisit it at every year. Will it surprise you if they decide next year to part? Or would nothing surprise you at this point?

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

Our twins were in separate

Kymztwinz — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 17:34:39 -0500

Our twins were in separate classes for Pre-K; we had no choice in the matter, as it was school policy to have them in separate classes. However, the principal did place them with "team" teachers; they were in separate classes, but the teachers followed the same lesson plans and united their classrooms several times a week for certain activities. The twins didn't feel separated at all. They played together during recess while still building their separate groups of friends.

When they went to Kindergarten (new school), we again kept them in separate classes, but also with a pair of teachers who team taught. This was a great arrangement and for all of the same reasons. 1st-5th grades do not do team teaching, but at this school we also have the ability to request that our children are placed with certain teachers. So, we had to decide whether to put them in the same class or separate them for first grade. We left the decision up to them. They chose to be in the same class, so we agreed and decided to try it out for their first grade year. As it turns out, it was still a great experience for them and for us. They had an excellent teacher who treated them as individuals and did not compare one to the other. The twins developed their own friendships within the same class and there wasn't a sense of competition. At the start of the year during Open House, they were allowed to choose their desks. They chose desks clear across the classroom from one another, which as a parent made me happy. It showed that they felt comfortable enough within themselves to not need to cling to each other.

For second grade, they again decided that they wanted to be in the same class. I like the fact that they are getting the same rigourous education and I do not worry about one possibly learning more or less than the other. From here on out, we will continue to let them choose. Eventually they might want to stretch out and be in different classes. We'll be supportive of that.

Kymberli from I'm a Smart One
//smartone.typepad.com/smartone/

I totally hear you on kids

Melissa Ford — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:44:58 -0500

I totally hear you on kids adapting faster. All the things I have worried about have never come true.

I love hearing from parents who actually made the decision to separate or keep together and why--rather than the "experts."

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

I think it's brilliant that

Melissa Ford — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:42:57 -0500

I think it's brilliant that you asked them and let them choose. I think that's the best way once they can both understand the decision. I do worry that one will want one thing and the other will want something else. But alas...can't it be that way with all siblings?

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

That's what I want--siblings

Melissa Ford — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:38:05 -0500

That's what I want--siblings that are still close later in life. And just as a teacher wouldn't unnaturally separate two friends, why should they separate two siblings who want to be together? Especially if they're not disruptive.

I hope you two have a wonderful birthday. I hope my twins are writing something like this when they're older.

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

Hooray for parents of multiples!

Yvette Perry — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 09:29:29 -0500

LOL

With our twin girls (dizygotic), they were together in preschool, pre-K and kindergarten and have been in separate clasrooms for 1st through 3rd grade. That arrangement has worked very well for our family. In our case, our girls were always the only African American children in their classrooms, so in addition to being twins, we did not want them to be treated like a single unit because they were kids of color.

I agree that parents need to look at their own situation and their own children and to give less weight to experts who have never even met them. But I also think that, for us, my children were a lot more resilient than I gave them credit for. I recognized that part of my difficulty with making a decision at the K to 1st grade transition was more a matter of my own concerns and issues and less to do with my daughters themselves. In my humble opinion, that probably applies to most children--except in unique cases, neither decision is likely to permanently damage children. They will probably adapt more quickly than their parents!

Six Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Mine just graduated from high school!

lauramooney — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:34:02 -0500

My boy-girl twins were in kindergarten together. (They didn't go to preschool. I had four children in five years and lots of neighbor children to play with.) When it was time to enter first grade, my husband and I listened to what they wanted to do. Both of them decided they wanted to see what life was like as a "single" child. In fact, to this day they laugh at how often they were asked, "What's it like to be a twin?" They want to respond, "What's it like to not be a twin?" Other than going to separate schools, being in separate classes was the best way for them to find out.

I agree with re-evaluating every year. The only time it became a little tricky was in high school. A couple of times, they were assigned to the same class, and when we discussed leaving them together or requesting separate classes their feelings were different. I thought it was best to accomodate my son who wished to be separate. My daughter understood and didn't seem to have her feelings hurt. I can't say she never felt ignored by her brother, though. High school can be difficult. Their groups of friends were very different, and my son didn't always approve of the kids his twin sister chose to hang out with. When they graduated in June, they thought it was funny that so many students had never discovered that they were twins. And we have lived in the same small city since they were ten months old!

I really think that it doesn't have to be such a big deal. Unless there are special circumstances, they can benefit from either experience (together or separate).

www.dearsportsmom.com

From a twin's perspective....

MiriamAnton — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:02:53 -0500

This is interesting! I thought the forced separation of siblings by public schools was an antiquated practice. My twin brother and I were in Philadelphia public schools in the 70's and the school made a point of keeping
us in separate classrooms. It was not until we changed to a small private school where there was only one classroom per grade, that we found ourselves in the same class. We continued this way through high school (and college!)

I cannot speak for identical twins who may have a different experience in terms of continuously being compared…but I see separating twins at an early age as entirely unnecessary and potentially detrimental, especially if they are accustomed to being around each other. There is an assumption that twins will choose to be glued together in school and for me this was simply not the case. I often let my brother make my friends for both of us when we were
little, since I was fairly shy compared to him (yes, my early childhood was filled with trucks and not Barbie!) However, once in school I gravitated towards other kids and made my own friends. Sometimes our friends overlapped
and sometimes they didn’t.

A good teacher will treat each child as individuals and recognize their unique qualities as they would any other student. Developing a sense of independence will occur – separated or not.

Melissa, I think your tactic is really wise – start them off together and then revisit with each grade. All kids are different and you’ll also notice their relationship shift with each year. My brother and I were always very close but our relationship went through stages like any other.

Thanks for this timely post! My brother and I have a big birthday rapidly approaching. I decided to go spend it with him, and as a gift I am compiling tons of photos to create a DVD of the two of us over the years. I just started this project today and as a result, I’ve spent the day contemplating our shared past. A number of the photos are class pictures – a reminder of how great it was to always have him nearby.

Ok,first of all...let me

Jupitersinclair — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 19:20:16 -0500

Ok,first of all...let me apologize for being such a Typo Queen in my previous comment. Ithink that'll teach me to comment on blogs before I am fully caffeinated ;)

I have always thought that was interesting,too - that they stuck me with the teacher first who opposed twins being together. Kind of makes you go "hmmmm..."

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Aaah--that is interesting

Melissa Ford — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 11:23:54 -0500

Aaah--that is interesting that they put you with that teacher after giving you the hard time. I do find that the teachers unnaturally separate them in class but have stopped once I explained that they separate out with friends on their own without needing someone to direct them towards different activities. But they really do need each other right now because the transition has been difficult. I can't imagine having it their first time away from me AND their first time away from each other at the same time.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Venting about infertility since 2006
www.stirrup-queens.blogspot.com
and we're not talkin' cowgirls...

I kept mine together

Jupitersinclair — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 11:07:37 -0500

At first,anyway. I was also advised my the principal of the elementary school to separate them. I bantered back and forth with her for some time on the issue and reasoneed that they had never been separated from not only eahc other, but me,as well,since I was a daycare provider and didn't feel the need to send them to a pre-k program at any point before entering school. So, not only leaving home all day away from Mama, but each other too?

I was very insistent on the issue but met with much resistance. The school finally agreed to allow them to be in the same class BUT they placed them with a teacher who felt it was best for twins to be separated. Once they were switched to a more understanding teacher, things went very well.

The following year they were placed in separate classes and did well. That was their last year in public school and we began homeschooling after thatand of course ,by default..they spent much of the past few years together. Given the choice to participate in activities separately or together,they almost always choose to do things together.

i noticed something similar with my twins with regards to using one another for a security blanket. The child who seems to be The Leader is actually the one who is most dependent on her twin. She is the one less likely to try new things on her own or get involved in separated activities. As always, the twin thing provides soem interetsing dynamics...

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Thanks!

Leslie Madsen Brooks — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 23:34:35 -0500

Thanks for your comments, everyone! I appreciate your insights.

Leslie

BlogHer Contributing Editor, Research and Academia
Proprietor, The Clutter Museum
I also blog at MuseumBlogging.com.