BlogHer - teen pregnancy - Comments

Don't wait

NurseBarb — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:55:10 -0500

Hi Chris,

Thanks for bringing up a difficult topic! I don't know many people who are looking forward to dealing with this and wait for the "Right Time".

My advice is: Don't wait. It's better to be a little early, than 1 minute too late.

It's ok for parents to say, "Hey I'm as uncomfortable as you are with this, but I have learned a few things that might help you. I wonder if.........? gosh, what would you do if........?

I'd really like to know what has worked for you and for your readers?

Barb

www.NurseBarb.com

Thanks Nurse Barb

Chris--MomathonBlog.com — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 11:30:01 -0500

Thanks Barb for the great link to your blog and your interview about sex ed on ABC. Great stuff. Hope more parents watch it!

Chris

Thanks for this post

NurseBarb — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 20:32:34 -0500

I just posted on Teen Pregnancy and how to talk to your teens about sex.

Barb Dehn NP

www.NurseBarb.com

Why would it?

jennydecki — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 10:21:38 -0500

Teen couples rarely stay together without a traumatic experience like being on camera and taking care of other people's children. That is a high stress situation that many couples would not weather well, not just teens.

I agree that they all want to wait to have children..but why would I change my mind when my point was putting teens in a stressful situation with other people's children will reinforce that adoption is not a valid option for family creation?

Perhaps it's sending the message that adoption isn't worth it AND it will ruin your relationship. So it's made the message stronger.

I'm still confused why everyone is all about the babies instead of being all about the teens in crisis.

I'm glad you got to interview a mom that wanted her baby to get some screen time, but my issue isn't with the moms and kids, so it wouldn't really change a thing. It's the dynamic that was my problem.

Thanks for the plethora of links, tho!

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Now that the series is over...

LindaLowen — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 02:30:16 -0500

jennydecki, did you have a change of heart or opinion at the conclusion of the show? (SPOILER ALERT: I'm going to discuss the ending.) The fact that none of the couples ended up together afterwards - and the fact that all the teens said they don't intend to become parents anytime soon - suggest that this 'Scared Straight' style of pregnancy prevention may work after all.

I'm hoping that the follow-up show scheduled for next week will involve a live studio audience with teen viewers who will tell us what their impressions were.

Initially, on my blog I expressed real reservations about the parents (moms) who so willingly gave up their infants. This hit home with one of the 'baby lending' moms on the show, who contacted me to share her side of the story.

She says that one of the producers also produces Survivor and that he was proud of what the Baby Borrowers was attempting to do. I haven't seen any positive media coverage of the show, but personally I think that it was a unique envelope-pushing approach. Realistically speaking, to communicate effectively with teens who've been raised on MTV reality programming and True Life documentaries, something like this was needed to get their attention.

LindaLowen

Linda Lowen
About.com Guide to Women's Issues
http://womensissues.about.com

Love your comment. I also

jennydecki — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 11:11:59 -0500

Love your comment. I also agree with i 100%

The part that really touches me is that you only left your kids with gram twice in the first couple of years. I completely understand where you're coming from.

I didn't leave my house for the first six months either of my babies was born. People had to come to my home to see them. I didn't think there was any need for an infant to go traipsing around getting stimulus overload when they barely knew what home looked like.

If I had a gram or a mom or an auntie or a cousin that could watch my kids, I probably wouldn't take advantage of that very often, but it seems that because I don't and babysitters are so darn hard to find I thinking about it a lot more and see The Baby Borrowers as a break for those parents.

Everyone's perception is skewed by life experience. What I see as the problem is the judgy moms who get SO freaked out, instead of just saying, "You know, I wouldn't do that with my kids, it could royally mess them up." They go for the jugular and assume all these kids are going to be warped. Oh, and groups that want to boycott the show. For five infants and (approx) 7 toddlers.

There are so many children in far worse conditions than spending three days with teens, a nanny, cameras, and very nice baby-proofed homes. Yet organizations are spending money on this cause. It's sad. Mostly because it's about publicity and money and donations and business.

I love the quote at the end of your comment!

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Educate them then!

itwillallbefine — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:05:47 -0500

I guess I'm the wrong sort of person for this programme, as my choice (not for financal reasons or whatever) was to only leave my son with grandparents twice in his first couple of years, and the rest of the time he was with me.

However, your point that it takes a damn sight longer than 3 days to work out how to take care of a baby is well made, because they are perpetualy changing anyway! Just as you think they work out a pattern, off they go and grow and change it! I did think the mother was right though - after all, if the child is hungry it won't stop crying, and using food as a reward or punishment is wrong anyway (in my thinking) but these teens a) show the appalling level of understanding of a child's needs in the States, and b) show the appalling disregard for other people's property in the States as well.

We do have the show over here, I watched a couple and decided it wasn't for me!

Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.
~ by Rev Ed Hird ~

Yeah...but....

jennydecki — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:19:28 -0500

I thought lending babies and toddlers to teenagers was called "babysitting." LOL

Except when I give my toddlers to a babysitter I don't have a camera-filled house and a nanny standing by. Nor do I have monitors I can watch my toddler on. If only there were! How cool would that be. I know there are nannycams but the nanny and cams and the teens...that would be some good supervision.

For me it comes down to three days not really being anything extended or detrimental to the psyche of a kid. Let me rephrase that - my kids would be fine, and I think that's up to an individual mother to make that decision regarding their children.

Thank you for taking the time to comment, I really do appreciate it!

jennydecki

Beyond Mom Blog

Baby Borrowers: Lending Babies

JenWag57 — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:05:56 -0500

My problem with this show is about couples lending their babies and toddlers to teenagers. I wrote a post about this on my blog:

http://connectwithyourteens.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-borrowers-reality-show-good-for.html

Relax

chilito1970 — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:37:44 -0500

You hens need to relax. There are much worse things happening to kids in our world. Get some prespective and get a clue.

New interview with Baby Borrower's AP mom Natalie

Amy Gates — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 10:57:38 -0500

If any of you are interested in reading more about this show and those involved, I just posted an interview with Natalie Nichols, the attachment parenting mom who's two children appeared on The Baby Borrowers.

Thank you.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Hmmm.....

cutiebootycakes — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:29:01 -0500

I was deep into attachment parenting - up until I had to return to work full-time when my baby was 4 months old. Then the ties that bind were broken. My first few days of work my son stayed at my home with my mother - he was in a familiar environment with his Grandma, he had moments as all babies do but in general he was fine. Flash forward to my dropping him off at the in home daycare - he only lasted an hour and a half. He cried the whole time and the "caregiver" called me to pick him up. Luckily I was home sick that day so i could easily get him.

But I had to work so I found another place around the corner - where he cried, and cried and cried. So the following week I found the best place where they nurtured him... and cared for him as if he was their own.

I say all that because I would not have been involved in this experiment - but I do not question the judgement of the parents that did. My son survived daycare - as a matter of fact although I am a WAHM I still take him to daycare a few days a week because I need time during the day to work and he is just too young and too mobile to understand "stay right here, play with your toys and be quiet while Mommy is on the phone (writing this letter, etc.).

I believe that the children will be okay and the parents were basically a house away. As pp have noted, these "reality" shows are anything but reality - they are edited for television and I am sure they showed the most damaging images for the most part to prove their points to teens considering becoming parents.

Honestly, I don't believe this show will deter any teen - that will take good judgement and great outside influences. As one of the teens on the show mentioned "my baby won't be like this" and I am sure that sentiment will be shared by other teens.

www.cutiebootycakes.blogspot.com

True.... But

alyssaroyse — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 19:17:43 -0500

I TOTALLY agree that it's apples and oranges. My issue was the assumption that kids are doomed to suffer long-term damage as a result of the separation. I just don't think that's a safe (or fair) assumption.... These babies are going to be fine. Unless, of course, their parents continue to make such decisions. But it's not gonna be those 3 days that do it, it's gonna be a lifetime of decisions like that.

Honestly, I question everything about the parents who handed their babies over for this. I don't think it really harmed the kids, but I get super judgmental (which I try to keep in check) about the parents. Not a choice I would make.

That said, I feel pretty confident that NBC and all of it's affiliates and insurance people and lawyers probably made sure those kids were so well cared for that it would put any daycare center to shame. I am totally certain there was way more parent contact than we saw....

All I was saying was that saying the parents are knowingly harming their children isn't quite fair. They certainly didn't intend to harm the kids, and I don't think it's safe to assume that the kids will be harmed. Our collective intelligence as a society on the other hand, continuing it's plummet.

____________

Alyssa Royse

Just Cause It: A Web Site To Save The World

Start Her Up: A Blog for Women Entrepreneurs

Apples and oranges

Amy Gates — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:52:30 -0500

I feel fortunate that I was able to be a SAHM since the birth of my first child. I didn't look into any kind of childcare until my daughter was 3 and I decided to enroll her in preschool. When that time came, I first got some recommendations from friends and then visited the preschool to see how the teacher interacted with the students. After that, my husband and I met with the teacher for an interview to make sure that she was a good fit for us and that our daughter was a good fit for the school. It was then that we decided it would be a good place to send our daughter.

I think most people, when they sign up for daycare or preschool for their child, go through a similar process. They want their child to be in good, experienced hands. They check credentials, they interview, they sit in to observe. All of this is in stark contrast to what happened on The Baby Borrowers when parents let their babies go with immature, self-absorbed strangers that had little to no experience with babies - certainly no formal training.

Also, as "amamasblog" pointed out with daycare there are often trial runs, and the baby gets used to the caregiver gradually and the caregiver to the baby. It's possible that this happened behind the scenes w/ the TV show, but as far as I know, we can't confirm that and they certainly didn't elude to that taking place. With a gradual introduction to daycare, baby begins to see that it is a routine and that mommy or daddy will come back for them each time. Whereas with The Baby Borrowers, the parents were to leave the babies for 3 days. Yes, they were watching them on nannycams, but the babies didn't know that. And yes, they could stop in whenever they wanted and we don't know how often that really happened, but it still does not feel the same to me as a daycare situation.

It is because of these things that I don't feel it is fair to compare The Baby Borrowers to daycare. They are apples and oranges.

Amy
Crunchy Domestic Goddess
BlogHers Act contributing editor

Is Daycare the Same Thing?

amamasblog — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 01:33:12 -0500

I have read some other comments about this show being pretty much like daycare in that a baby is left with a stranger for most of the day, five days a week.

I refuse to watch any of this show, so I don't know if the teens and the babies were given time to know each other before the switch was made or not. But, I don't think you can compare this show to daycare.

Most people who work in daycare are VERY experienced around babies. Some daycares won't even accept infants, if they are not prepared for them. Daycares in general have rules and regulations and training for the staff who will handle babies, and usually use the same person day after day to care for the babies. Furthermore, many daycare workers have degrees or some education in child development.

I have never heard of a daycare center accepting a baby either, without a few trial runs. Most providers want you to start daycare a few weeks before, and leave the baby for a half-an-hour at first, then an hour, etc. to work up to gradual time the baby will be left. And the parents are always back with the baby after work.

My biggest complaint with this show and comparing it to daycare is most people who leave their children and daycare for 8+ hours a day HAVE to- they have no choice. And I am assuming most of these parents strive to find the warmest, most caring, and loving setting they can find. Of course babies can bond to more than one person, and this often happens with a daycare provider long term, and the process can be quickened with someone who is experienced in caring for babies.

In my mind is morally wrong to leave babies with strangers for mere entertainment for a TV show! There is a big difference in having to leave your baby with a care provider if an emergency comes up, or you have to work. But to hand your baby over, to try to teach teens a lesson about the "reality" of babies, is wrong. Why not just turn the babies over to teens right when they are born, so they can see what having a newborn is like?

The bond between a parent and their baby is sacred. It is the cornerstone and foundation for building a secure and confident person- and is a basic element for the building blocks of our society. Messing with this bond on purpose, and dumping your baby off to teens, who are not fully emotionally developed themselves to handle the demands of a baby, for a TV show is wrong.

It scares me to think what people will do for fame- obviously nothing- not even the bond between a mother/father and their baby- is sacred anymore.