BlogHer - spouse - Comments

I am so sorry for your loss

usedtobeme — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 13:14:26 -0500

I am deeply sorry and my thoughts will be with you.

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www.whyrustalkingme.com - Not just a blog, it's my reality

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Thank you for sharing about your husband

Gena Haskett — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 21:01:55 -0500

With all of the bad PR about the bad ones it is encouraging and heartwarming to know that there are people who understand the meaning of the word "love."

It is a gift for the rest of us who still hope to meet "the one." I wish for you in this time of transition the love and peace you need to carry on.

Catch up with us when you are ready.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

I am so sorry

Summerm — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 13:52:19 -0500

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Summer

http://wiredfornoise.com
http://twitter.com/summer

I wrote

unmotivated yet — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 08:53:58 -0500

this one day when I was at the end of my endurance.

But when I read it back today, rational and clear minded, I still agree with it.

Yes I need validation, especially since it is my main role in life now - wife and mother. I never thought of this word but yes I need to be validated!!

Thanks.

We Need Validation

RelationshipQueen — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 23:00:31 -0500

Amen to that. You need some hard core validation. Men always talk about us bitching but I think it's the other way around. Since they are seemingly so sly when they do it they don't categorize it as bitching but bitching is bitching. We need to know we are appreciated. If something is done wrong just be glad we made an effort to do it. If we forgot something just be thankful that we tried to remember it. If something broke, at least we tried to fix it. The key word here is "try", we try and try and still is not good enough. I'll take second helpings on the validation please!

"Because love just isn't that simple"

You're Welcome!

apietrangelo — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:56:24 -0500

SpondyGirl,

It always helps to know that you are not alone and that there are other people who are where you are.

It's difficult at any age, but to be 26 years old and to suddenly become dependent on your husband is a shock. You may not be the "fun new wife" you wanted to be, but together you will discover things about yourselves that you never knew and your relationship will be stronger for it. "In sickness and in health..." are powerful words, aren't they?

If you're intereted, my husband writes a "caregiver/spouse" blog. He deals with MS, but his words ring true of any condition:

http://www.healthcentral.com/multiple-sclerosis/c/95808

Best of luck to you both. Stop by anytime.

Ann Pietrangelo

My Website: AnnPietrangelo.com

Thanks...

SpondyGirl — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:18:51 -0500

I think I needed to read this. I'm in a rebellious phase. My husband and I have only been married for a year, and while I've always had chronic back pain, it's recently become so debilitating that I am looking at a spinal reconstructive surgery in a few months, at the age of 26. Upon doctors orders, I'm not even allowed to vacuum anything. But even though I know I make both our lives harder, sometimes I get so frustrated by not being the fun, new wife that I had planned to be that I'll just pretend that my pain and limitations don't even exist. And then we both pay for it for days, because I've wiped myself out and I can't even do the few things that would normally be permissible.

Anyway, sometimes it makes such a big difference to see these things put into words by someone else, someone obviously wiser and more experience in this area.

Love ya, girls!

Tali — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 01:49:47 -0600

See, this is why I love women relating to women :D
Even when you don't agree, you try to help! It's heart warming.
Of course, I agree men have their own faults, we all do (Elisa, you're right on the money!), but my point was to see what you women think of yourselves- as a woman it's much more interesting. My belief is that many of these characteristics only come out in our romantic relationships, and even in the best relationships! Relationships are never perfect (even though we try our best to make them that way). To me it's just strange, sometimes, to find myself (or a friend) acting in ways I would never allow myself otherwise. My theory is, when you feel so comfortable with someone, you allow that "little devil" in you, to show.
Liz, I'm all for "small favors", it's not about what you ask for, it's how you ask for it. ;)

I agree.

Liz Rizzo — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 16:15:30 -0600

Granted, I haven't been in a long-term relationship for a really long time, but I tend to think that if someone brings this sort of stuff out of you, then you may want to take a good look at the relationship. There's a lot of passive aggression in this list, which I believe is a sign of not being respected and not having equality in the relationship. No one should have to be passive aggressive, but people are when that's their only chance to influence their situations.

As for asking for cookies when you're tired, as I think that falls under exchanging small favors, which is actually a good thing.

And anecdotally, I was in a multi-year relationship where I never did laundry. When we broke up, I literally felt rusty - But I picked up the clothes and I did it, you know? No need to worry about whether you cook - If you suddenly find yourself single, I guarantee you'll find a way to eat. :)

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.

Eh. This is depressing.

lauriewrites — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 14:07:03 -0600

I despise generalizations, and hope that no relationship has ever turned me into "a wild, savage beast," unless tequila was involved, a long long time ago. I see far more daily acts of private heroism in the relationships of my friends and family, and I can't imagine I just know the coolest people in the world (although I do strive for this, yes.)

Eek. Wow. I think anyone is capable of negative behavior under any circumstance, and our closest people - especially a partner - see the worst sometimes. But like Elisa says, I've seen equally ridiculous behavior from my boyfriends. It's all about what you can handle. And if someone brings out the "manipulative three year old" or hypersensitive, dependent control freak in me or my girls, they just might not be your best bet for even the short haul, much less the long.

laurie

Ah, but what are the men's nasty habits?

Elisa Camahort — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 13:36:40 -0600

Oh, I'll cop to some of this for sure. I think many of these things happen when you've been with someone a long time...their habits, both endearing and annoying, become amplified, or perhaps just magnified through the lens of repetition.

But, what are their nasty habits. Just off the top of my head I'd guess most men all victim to:

1. Shedding the romantic cloak they wore in the beginning to woo you
2. Not taking care of themselves...everything from actual health-related things to becoming slobs!

What else?

Elisa Camahort
BlogHer
elisa@blogher.org