BlogHer - dreams - Comments

passions

gwynter — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 20:55:45 -0500

Hi Tamiel,

This is great! Would you mind if I post this on the my Women at Forty blog? Let me know. Thanks!

Women at Forty Life.Love. Reality. In your fortieth year.

My Passions

tamiel — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 12:10:03 -0500

There are major and minor passions, long and short term. At thirty, my long term passions were the same as they are now, as were my major passions. The difference, nearing forty, is the ability to focus on those major and long term passions.

For example, at thirty, I had to get a solid career going, free myself from a bad marriage, handle being a new mom. I was passionate about reaching those goals and put all my energy into them, leaving nothing for my long term passions: imagining and creating my own space in the world, one in which forgiveness reigned and I would be comfortable in my own skin.

Now, nearing forty, I can direct my engeries, full blast, on that long term goal.

Support....

sarahmichal — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 08:40:16 -0500

It can be just as difficult to accept the joy and the blessings that come our way as it can to accept the bleekness and darkness that brings them.

I think that those moments in the dark are learning experiences meant to help us understand how we have grown as people. They also help us to understand that there are still a lot of things left to learn, from both new experiences and the old ones that we replay in our heads.

I hope that your journey remains filled with joy.

Softer Sciences Problematic Too

Dr. Polly — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:10:22 -0600

As a woman (and mother!) who spent more than a couple years in academic psychology I can attest to many of these same issues in the so-called softer sciences. Sure, there are more female undergrads and plenty of female grad students in psychology departments - but for the tenure-track, not that many women. And even fewer full professor with children. I left academia after the birth of my second child - for a variety of reasons. You'd think social psychologists (my specialty) would be more open to women than it really is. The same people who are studying and writing about discrimination fall prey to it when it comes to making it feasible for women (and mothers) to pursue academic positions.

BTW, as a mother with a doctorate and a former researcher, I'm committed to debunking parenting/research. It's hard sometimes being a mother who adheres to the scientific method in this age of rampant, inaccurate reports of scientific evidence - from the benefits of breastfeeding to the dangers of cold medicines. That's my pet project. And even on this website, I find a large divide between the hard-hitting research/science blogs and the parenting blogs. The same is true of many other websites and of journalism in general. You get either the technical/nuanced stuff or the personal anecdote-strewn/simplistic science. But rarely a nice balance....

http://mommadata.blogspot.com/

Fire still burning

Maria Niles — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:21:49 -0600

I think that's one important factor - you have to pay attention to whether or not that fire and passion is still burning. I think the hard part is knowing when the embers have burned out and it is time for a new dream.

Best of luck with bringing your dream to life!

Happy thinking

Maria Niles — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 16:20:01 -0600

Thank you for your kind words, Dharma and glad I could give you some food for thought. I've been thinking about these ideas for a couple of weeks now - there is a lot to ponder.

I really enjoyed this post

Delaine Moore — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 14:55:11 -0600

I really enjoyed this post too as I'm working hard to bring one of my dreams to life. No, it's not happening overnight, but still I stay glued to the course. Why? Because when I think about it I feel a fire in my belly - my body, my fiery, passionate Self still believes it is possible.

I think most people have seen The Secret. But recently I watched another documentary with many of the same speakers called The Opus (check out the website). The Opus strongly reminded me to stand tough and stay true to my vision - there are no 'mistakes', only 'steps.' When Edison created the lighbulb he said he didn't see his 10,000 failed experiments as mistakes/failures. Rather, creating the lightbulb simply involved 10,000 steps. Remembering this makes my backbone a little stronger.

dreaming and weaving

Dharma — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 08:00:54 -0600

Gorgeous post. So timely for me as I sort through my realities and my dreams. Our dreams are tied to our identities - where they are and where we want our idenities to grow towards. This post has given me serious food for thought.

I hear ya!

seansmommy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 09:22:00 -0600

We just had kid number two and I feel so over whelmed it is not even funny. It took me by surprise too since I really did not feel this way the first time. Oh well, in the end they really are a lot of fun and much less overwhelming. :)

A most dominating structure

Wilma Ham — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:22:49 -0600

I think there is no mother who cannot relate to this.
Because we live so isolated in our small families as mother you have to deal with the most dominating structure you can think off, mostly on your own.
It is no wonder that we feel overwhelm and resentment and confusion and isolated.

You are supposed to love this structure and yet how can you deal with its demanding nature 24/7 and NOT become less than loving and resentful (sometimes :)).

It helped me to put it in this perspective.
If you look at the baby as a structure in your life and have taken all the emotion out of it, you can seehow it invades your whole being and everything you do and what you are.
That structures is everywhere and encroaches on everything you do.

Now who are you not to feel bad once in a while because you can hardly cope with that enormous demand of this structure.
And to want to be relieved from it once in a while and then being upset when the relief doesn't work because of bottle strike.

Now look around you?

Who could really cope with a structure that demands you to be on call 24/7, who makes you feel isolated because of the feeding and the sceaming and all the new tasks you have to learn and the exhaustion that comes with it. No escape, it lives in your home!

It would not stand up in any employment court, I can tell you that.

Looking at it that way, you cannot but see how normal it is to feel how you feel and I congratulate you on sharing this and going for solutions to deal with these high demands.

And it gets better, slowly and surely. Keep feeling okay about how you feel and keep talking.

Wilma Ham

www.wilmasblog.com

Thanks Christine

NotQuiteSet — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:25:17 -0600

for the good wishes and the empathy :)

The Chair!

NotQuiteSet — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:24:18 -0600

I totally relate to the chair :) My husband bought me a great one, I wrote about it right after...it will forever be the breastfeeding chair now though :) Thanks for the support!

Thanks

NotQuiteSet — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:22:49 -0600

Thank you Michele, it's nice to know I'm not alone here!

Perfectly Described..

Colormepink — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 15:43:04 -0600

I remember coming home with the second baby, the first baby wasn't yet three. I didn't have any help and I didn't leave the house (except to move to FL!) for years. That wasn't the best way to do it, but it was the only way I could do it at the time. We all do the best we can. It will get better I promise. Further, I promise that in 10 years you'll look back on feeling this way and feel nostalgic. I know it's impossible to believe - but it will happen.

In the meantime, I'm so sorry that you missed the party, that you feel so overwhelmed. Just know that there are many, many women empathizing with you, who completely understand.

Sending you restful baby, not on bottle strike wishes,
Christine
It's My World. Welcome To It.
Blog: http://www.colormepink.com
Homeschool Blog: http://web.mac.com/colormepink/
Jewelry Blog: http://www.starbrightjewels.com/blog

Hang in there

Skye — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 10:22:42 -0600

I've been there with the feeling of isolation, at one point I cried every time I went upstairs to the good chair to breastfeed, because even though it was the good chair I felt like I was being exiled.

I promise it will get better. Bottle strikes come and go. "Mom's the best, better than all the rest" is a blessing and a curse, but it will get easier to get out of the house and get some time to yourself in a couple of months.

Just hang in there, mama!