BlogHer - communication - Comments

Time Wasters

Dysconnection — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:58:43 -0500

Agreed, it's just quite embarrassing to me that I got entangled in the first place and then took 4 months to send him on his way. You live and learn though.

Typical

Bill Cammack — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:02:42 -0500

Like I said in my comment above, a lot of women assume that guys intend to compromise anything at all when they enter into a relationship. Sometimes, that's just not true.

In a lot of cases, guys are just adding entertainment & sex to their daily existence and it's not any deeper than that. The sooner women ask guys to change things, the sooner they realize that "it ain't that type of party".

You made the right decision to bounce instead of wasting time trying to get him to come around.

~ Bill
I blog at billcammack.com

this is helpful. I just

Dysconnection — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:14:06 -0500

this is helpful. I just broke up with someone because there was very little compromise on offer from him. His lack of compromise also manifested in his inability to share any kind of feelings with me - other than what seemed to centre around my physical attributes (granted - I look good ;)

I recognise that this is about my self esteem - I've been single for years - somewhere (probably from the way things were in my extremely harried parents relationship) I've ingrained the idea that I don't deserve someone good. I even found myself, after being clear about why I was breaking up with this guy saying to him 'I didn't think I was good enough for you'

And actually, that's the nail on the head. That's why I dealt with the increasing crappiness for 4 months.

So. I'm going to do some work on that. Because in all rationality - as I also told him 'I deserve far better' He couldn't follow my thinking. He said it didn't make sense. But then it wouldn't would it? He's also caught in a loop of something. But that's his bag and to be honest. I think his is probably much heavier than mine.

A simpler time.

Leighbra — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:11:56 -0500

I think that your colleague has Gone with the Wind confused with reality. I know several Southern Belles that can't separate their white petticoat dreams with the suffering that really existed.

Hell yeah, I want to prance around a big ol' mansion all day in pretty dresses, while handsome men court me. Too bad even though I am a white woman, I wasn't born into the southern slave-owning nobility, and would likely be pretty far down the ladder.

What's extra maddening to me is that that "simpler" time also meant they couldn't vote or own land themselves.

What the hell are they wishing for, exactly?

You're right Gena, we need to spread our understanding behind the meaning of the rebel flag. It doesn't mean Scarlett O'Hara's petticoats and it sure as hell doesn't mean Daisy Duke's cut off shorts.

I Try To Stand In Factual Truth

Gena Haskett — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 11:21:53 -0500

History is the documentation of a people, the artifacts and the experiences that make a culture unique. The actual Confederate flag is a part of that shared American history seen from two different perspectives. I, nor any educated person, would want to hide or dismiss the reasons and the cultural connections to the original flag.

I do believe in the right of free speech and expression. But not in advocating violence against another person or group of people. That is what the Rebel flag represents.

It is getting harder to hear moderate conservatives expressing their points of view when you have others parading for the cameras wrapped in the Rebel flag.

The frings and extremists have taken over the public discourse. I don't know if there are a body of moderate conservatives that are willing to stand and say thiat this is way beyond what is acceptable.

Good people on both sides must continue to try understand otherwise, well we do have history to demonstate what can happens to use when we don't.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

This is an utterly

Norma156 — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 09:25:56 -0500

This is an utterly fascinating post. Thank you for the wonderful research. To my shame, I thought that the "Rebel" flag was the Confederate flag and I'm glad to be set straight on this.

There is no excuse for waving the Rebel flag anywhere...in demonstrations, public buildings, in front of your home. It's akin to waving the Swastika. And, just as hateful. The connotations it carries with it are clear and unambiguous.

I appreciate your trying to understand the conservative point of view. It's one of the reasons I stay engaged on this forum. Because I want to understand the liberal point of view. Please, keep trying...don't make the leap to dismissing all conservatives because a few nut jobs insist on their right to be offensive and hateful. They are not representative. Really.

Thank you

Southerngirl — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 10:28:57 -0500

Thank you Gena.

I went into a store in NC to buy gas a looked up and there waas a huge rebel flag in the store I told the clerk that they did not want my business and walked out.

I live near a pond store where I was happily picking out stuff for my pond until my son asked what kind of flag was that? The rebel flag was on the d*mn flag pole. I just left all my stuff and walked away from the owner. He tried to explain to me why he was flying it and I asked him if I tell you that that flag not only scares me but is wayy beyond offensive to me and many like me would you take it down? He said no and I explained that he did not want my business.

For some its ignorance for others it is pure hate. The only problem is that it is hard to tell the difference.

I am still not sure who they are reclaiming America from as this is just as much MY country as yours.

Michelle

I blog at http://www.mommycan.blogspot.com/

When Parents Are Fighting To Allow The Kids To Wear It

Gena Haskett — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:59:07 -0500

then I think that there is some need to re-cast the meaning and intent of the flag. It is being re-cast as a symbol of pride, of repecting ancestors and standing in defiance of the federal government.

If they had used the original Confederate flag they would have a better case. The Rebel flag was specifically use to incite fear and harm. So when I see European-Americans rasing high that specific birthright of dominion and death, I get a little twitchy.

I'm not fooled by the use of "reclaiming America" either.

Gena - Out On The Stoop

the rebel flag

Mata H — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:18:25 -0500

I find this flag offensive as well. I had a long and serious talk with a business colleague I was meeting with "down south' some years ago. She said it (the rebel flag) was important to her because it reminded her of a simpler time, a better time...."but for whom was it better?" I asked. She didn't know what I meant. It is like slavery had become invisible to her, or part of some quaint Steven-Foster-playing-softly-in-the-background diorama of a fictional graceful time. It all depends where you look. A lot of demythologizing needs to go on. It's like some folks bought their own propoganda.

Check the description of slave quarters in Colonial Williamsburg (makes it sound like a low income camp) -- or the Robert E Lee house that is equally casual in the use of the word "slave" - no negative judgment of slavery at all.

Or, the Loudoun County Va site that has a long article about slavery called "Slave Quarters - A Reminder of Bygone Era " ..makes it sound almost romantic, doesn't it? It goes on to say about the slave quarters :
"About 1950, Fadeley's great grandson, who shared his name, restored the slave quarters and they became guest quarters. They remain in another family's ownership, and in fine condition.
Anyone interested in joining or helping Friends of the Slave Quarters should contact...etc etc etc"

The flag is just the symbol that flies over this tragic and (fill in the blank with something strong) cultural amnesia.

~~ Contributing Editor, Mata H. also blogs right along at Time's Fool

Yes, A Very Long Way To Go

Gena Haskett — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:45:15 -0500

I don't necessarily agree with AP but I do understand the point. No one wants to be constantly called a racist or being accused of being one. There are opportunists on both sides of the fence.

Having said that, there is some nasty stuff that is Class-A racist. And some racist behaviors and speech are being embrased as "white pride" and "defending America for Americans." Some of those behaviors have appeared at rallys and town hall meetings. Some are on broadcast and cable media.

I am not a conservative person. I'm am pleading for moderate and independent conservatives to reclaim their party or start a new one.

It might be too late. Because when you use terms like "ethnic cleansing" because people have a disagreement about a flag then the rage level may have risen to a soon to be dangerous level. (See the link for the S.C. news story. I'm not making this up.)

Gena - Out On The Stoop

A few years ago

Denise — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:11:05 -0500

That just drives me insane. There should be no children's sports teams (or schools) that have the rebel flag or Dixie as symbols. We should have moved beyond that and people should understand WHY these cannot be symbols to represent us.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

Very good post

LadyT — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:34:53 -0500

You've so articulately posted what I've been trying to explain. I was at my son's football game a few years ago and the opposing teams flag was this flag and their school song was Dixie. I was so upset and no one understood why ...

Another good post

Denise — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:36:57 -0500

American Princess blogged that we need to move past the cries of racism or Conservatives aren't going to come to the table to discuss the problems we're facing.

I see the same thing here, southerners need to stop bringing the Rebel flag with them to townhalls because they are keeping you from attending and participating in those discussions.

We have a long long way to go, don't we.

~Denise
BlogHer Community Manager

Flamingo House Happenings

It for sure blew me away

Daniellaland — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 12:49:48 -0500

It for sure blew me away when it happened. Soon after however, it became somewhat diluted in the mosiac of experiences in the relationship (chemistry, generosity, thoughtfulness, etc ). It took many examples of the same Red Flag moment for me to finally get it.

It's so difficult, though, isn't it...

Liz Rizzo — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:52:24 -0500

To know in a moment if something is something to deal with or something to walk away from. For me, I think it comes down to really looking at what are the positives and what are the negatives. And just how negative are the negatives, you know?

Yes, the F word would completely blow me away. Wow.

Liz Rizzo

I blog at Everyday Goddess.