BlogHer - communication - Comments

Sharing versus Dumping

Candelaria Silva — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 20:02:33 -0600

It's good to know I'm not alone in this. Thanks for yoru comments.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

I am a bit like you.

kazari — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:26:29 -0600

Most people would have no idea about my feelings, or major projects, most of the time. But if you are in my inner sanctum - best friend, husband, sometimes sisters, you get the lot. When I'm really stuck, I need to talk through it.

My husband is just like you. He gets frustrated with me re-telling the same story to a different point. And he rarely talks things out. But I know not everyone is like this.

I think I read a description in a Stephen King novel once "Her mother showed her love in the only way she knew how, by requesting information". For some people, asking details (and remembering them) about your day, is an indication that they care. It can be so frustrating if you don't want to talk about it!

The other reason not to dump? The echoes. If I tell you all about my latest problem, I'll probably go on to sort it out. If you ask me about it next week, I'll have probably forgotten all about it. And you've gone on believing it's a major issue for me.

hmmm

rsg2003 — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 08:54:56 -0600

Avoidance is akin to denial.

Roger S. Gil, M.A.
www.rogergil.com/blog
www.luvbuzd.com

Manners matter

Candelaria Silva — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:54:41 -0500

Manners matter - so good for you for teaching your children to be polite.

As for texting - they'll catch on so fast when they need to it will make your head spin.

Thanks for commenting.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

I do chores during long conversations

Candelaria Silva — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:53:36 -0500

One of my friend finds it annoying that I get so much done while we gab. I find those long meandering conversations essential to our friendship and helpful when doing chores that drudgery. I put the ear phones in and have at it.

There's "conversation" and "dialogue" and then there's telling someone something. Two-way vs one-way.

Thanks for the comments.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

"*I also said “Yes,

kansasa — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 10:53:57 -0500

"*I also said “Yes, sir,” and “No, m’am...”" This is still a must in my home, the way I was taught when I was young. Manners are a priority, and I've informed both my kid's teachers of that. I'm 43 yo and I still refer to my childhood friend's parents as "Mr or Mrs. (last name)." I'm teaching my children that it is important to always hold one's head high and look into a person's eyes. Both my kids are Native Indians, I am not, and they are taught to be proud of who they are.

We have no cell service where we live or where they attend school, I'm not sure if it's good thing that my children haven't a clue about "texting" on a cell phone or even how to make a call. Sometimes I think they may be left behind but because of were we live at least they'll say "No Ma'am I don't know how to text." ;)

Yes, social mores do change from generation to generation...

Chrystibella — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:10:50 -0500

I used to be young and hip....what happened!

Caller ID is wonderful! You know who your going to be talking to and can choose to let it go to voicemail if you're not up to a conversation.

My problem with the phone is that I can never seem to end the conversation and so it goes on too long. Especially with my friends or my mom. I love them but it ends up being a 30 min or longer conversation. My ear gets tired and I have to keep switching sides. I'd rather visit in person over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Making eye contact. <grin> Sometimes it's nice to talk on the phone though. I just get more across through email back and forth. Email doesn't disturb me in the middle of my favorite tv show or movie either.

I noticed that my son does a great deal of texting on his phone and it seems to work better than calling. They get what they want across the wire and that's it. Quick and easy. So, I'm thinking the text thing is the way to go. I suppose if I'm typing with my thumbs I'll also opt for the U's and R's. LOL!!!

Chrystibella.com

Great comments

Candelaria Silva — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:09:55 -0500

Remember when we used to answer the phone when it rang? One call at a time (because there was no call-waiting.)

I think mores change from generation to generation and certainly technology speeds the change.

I have texted but I always spell out the words. I guess I'll get with the program or not.

blog.candelariasilva.com

Good and plenty!

I don't give good phone anyway.... =P

Chrystibella — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 19:48:14 -0500

I tend to avoid phone conversations. Email is much simpler and takes less time. I often say that "I don't give good phone". That's my mantra these days. Like you I get tongue tied when a real live person answers the call when I was expecting a recording.

I have not caught on to the short hand of texting. I seem to be irritated by the U for You and R for are. I just "ain't" wired that way. Don't know if I ever will be.

As far as *IM. I hate it. I rarely engage in instant messaging because I am usually busy when at my computer and I find it interupts what I was doing. I prefer email. You read it and answer it when you have the time to devote to it.

*Note: I'm referring to IM on the computer. I don't use text on my phone but probably will.

As far as eye contact. Hmmm. I think I would find it rude for someone to have a conversation and never look up at me. Perhaps it is the norm and will be something I'll have to adapt to. I feel so old now. =(

This is so true. I think

crzyraysfan — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 17:34:37 -0500

This is so true. I think many couples forget this very important part of their relationship. They loose sight of the fact they're a team and their goals should be common.

I think it spans all industries

hrwench — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:19:33 -0500

I'm in human resources and a recruiter tried this tactic on me for an HR job. I mean, come on! We both work in "the industry" and she still fed me the lines? Crazytown! I wrote about the experience here.

Jenn Barnes

Blog: HR Wench

Twitter: hrwench

oh, this made me laugh!

kazari — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 23:05:53 -0500

I have HAD this conversation! Followed by several other frustrating conversations with the same guy. He had my CV already, but wouldn't give me the details of the job, other than to say they needed my sort of experience. Couldn't tell me the employer, the sort of systems I'd be expected to work on, or what my role would be (tech support? database administration? data analysis? app customisation? it was THAT BROAD)

this is what happens when recruiters try to recruit technical staff without any understanding of the technology.

I laughed, said I couldn't consider changing jobs for less than $x. He kept calling back, with precious little detail, but a higher number each time. eventually the number was high enough that i went to talk to the people. and at that point, all became clear. But that recruiter was the most frustrating adult i've ever had to deal with.

hmmmm

Melawen — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:37:22 -0500

I think that V is overthinking this, if I were asked the question "do you want rotis for dinner" then I would simply answer yes or no depending on whether I fancied them or not without trying to work out whether Mrs X was trying to ask a more subtle question, and if she was then she should have said something like "I don't think that I have made enough rotis, but I do have naan breads that I can cook, which would you prefer" and then ask other people the same question, or simply put all the options on the table and shout "dinners up!"

Perhaps it's me but I would simply answer according to how I felt, but then I like plain speaking!!

Definitely!

hrwench — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:50:58 -0500

I used to never see "pay back agreements" (especially for executives) but lately it's becoming more popular. Yuck.

Thanks for your comment!

HR Wench

relocation

Melawen — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 04:42:10 -0500

Ooh - relocation is never very good. I have relocated (ok ok, relocating does go that far in the UK as the country isn't THAT big!!) twice and both times I did not ask for nor expect help from the company, mostly because I work for the National Health Service!!

However, I would say that no matter what the company I would definitely negotiate a graded solution to paying the money back, I mean how could possibly be expected to pay it back if you eventually leave the company five, ten or even fifteen years later - you've already paid the company back in the job that you do(did)!