Damn you, Matthew McConaughey. Why'd you have to take your shirt off?
By Bourbon Girl on June 01, 2012
There I was, innocently watching "The Lincoln Lawyer." I was busy working while watching. I was, in fact, organizing my homeschool materials for next year. I was feeling pretty good about being so far ahead of schedule. I was thinking about our country's great government, and how I was going to teach my children all about it next year.
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All of a sudden, Matthew McConaughey took off his shirt. What the hell? I did not need this gratuitous nudity. It completely sidetracked me. How can anyone think about the American constitution when Matthew McConaughey has his shirt off?
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That's when it hit me. This is what's wrong with America. We women have embraced our sexuality. The men no longer have an exclusive on thinking about sex. We think about sex, too. It's rather distracting, this physical need. It can make a person completely lose focus.
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When my husband was deployed, I was good for the middle three months. That first month after he was gone was rough. The last two months were hell. I could barely focus on anything. It didn't help when, about a week before his return, I spent 3 hours talking about sex with an extremely sexual man and a gorgeous woman. Talk about self torture. What was I thinking? Oh, that's right. I wasn't.
And, when did all the women I know decide it's okay to talk about erotica on Facebook? I don't really <i>care</i> to know that my child's teacher is reading "Shades of Grey." I'm happy for you, really. I don't care what you read. In fact, I am going on record as wholy endoursing the reading of erotica as a way to keep your marriage bed hot, but I don't want to know!
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We all know that women are the real power in the world. If we could just figure out a way to button our sexuality back up, we could solve all the world's problems. We might even figure out how to genetically engineer the dragon's of Pern, which would put my son over the moon. And speaking of kids, if I happened to have child with Matthew McConaughey, the poor kid would have uncontrollable hair.
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Have you seen his hair? I know, most of you are still stuck on his chest. And that's okay. I say imbrace your sexuality. I know I am. I'll think about school at another time. Bring on the bare chests! And if the planning isn't done by September, I'm blaming Matthew McConaughey.
*I discussed this with my husband. He theorizes that if people just had sex more often, we wouldn't have to think about it as often. I argue that the more often you have sex, the more you think about it.