Calories: Please Don't Talk About Them When You're Seven

Ugh...same darn thing over here...'cept it started last year, in FIRST grade. First grade!!! I almost died when I heard my daughter ask how many calories were in something.

Me, a devout NON-dieter (praise the Lord for good genes!!), nearly fell over dead. Just. Like. That.

So, I told her how important calories were...that calories give us energy. And, I wanted to find the mother of the daughter who introduced calories to my daughter...and knock her upside the head!

And, just like as happens in every family...when the older sib starts talkin' about it...the younger ones join in...so, now my four year old son asks, "How much calories is in this, Mama?"

Sigh...such is life...

And that "wreaks" above instead of "reeks" will haunt me now.... *sigh*

JCK of Motherscribe

http://motherscribe.blogspot.com ( http://motherscribe.blogspot.com/ )

This is a beautifully written post, and I relate so much! I recently was going through my children's clothing, packing a few precious items away that I can't bear to part with, and bagging up clothes as hand-me-downs for friends. I cried myself through the process. My children are 6 and 5.

Can our children not just be children? Oh, the food issue. I'm sensitive, also, because I had lots of eating issues that lasted a long time. I like to emphasize health. The calorie thing? Wreaks of early obsession, looking like air-brushed supermodels...don't get me started.

Wonderful post! I've obviously been missing some great writing!

JCK of Motherscribe

http://motherscribe.blogspot.com ( http://motherscribe.blogspot.com/ )

I understand that nostalgic feeling that comes with old videos. I have one where my daughter was just born and she lets out a squeal that is so delicous I want to eat her.

I agree with citymama about the restriction on 'calorie talk' in the household. I myself had an eating disorder when I was a teen so I feel like I can speak from a child's point of view how small comments can impact young minds, even when they are supposed to be good, like "you are so thin, I wish I had your body". When I started to grow up and I was no longer thin people thought it was okay to say "Wow, you're gaining weight" or "You're really filling out". When I was 21 I weighed 89 pounds because all my life people told me I was thin until I was 17, 18 when at graduation I weighed 104 and they started to compare me to my mother and say "You are going to be a big girl, your mom was only 100 when she graduated high school". I had zero confidence and no understanding of how I was supposed to keep a body that people approved of, I needed someone to tell me at every stage that I was healthy and I looked great, unfortunately that didn't happen.

Now that I have a daughter I want a restriction on 'calorie talk' in our home because I know how numbers can rule over what is right. Especially when I didn't understand what they meant. It's not about how much you eat because really it's about what you eat.  Eating lots of vegetables and fruit is not bad, but eating the equivalent amount of french fries is. When you create an experience around pizza or fast food you are setting kids up to love it not just for the taste. Create an experience with the right foods by taking kids to the farmers market or growing some zucchini off the back patio, or cook what you have found together, and after dinner go on a walk or another physical activity. I wrongly assumed what calories meant, even when every detail was explained to me I understood nothing about why there was daily recommendation. It was just a number that I wasn't to go over, even if I ate pudding all day.

I'm not a parent. But I was a kid who feels like I got bugged about my weight a lot. And then I look at pictures of myself from when I was a kid and wonder why. I'm coming at it form the wrong perspective to really be a practical help to you. :(

And maybe lots of others are struggling and don't know how to help either, that's my guess!

Elisa Camahort Page BlogHer elisa@blogher.com My BlogHer profile ( http://www.blogher.com/haystackprofile/viewprofile... ) truly shows you everything I do online...Check it out!!

I so understand the almost-painful nostalgia that comes from looking at old pictures of kids.  My oldest is 21 and oh, some days I can hardly believe that she is all grown up.

Mary, mom to 10 

My blog is getting a lot of referrals from the comment I made on this post.

The visitors aren't commenting, neither here nor to me.  And my insecurity on this topic bubbles up into my throat like stomach bile.  I don't know what it means that so many are coming to visit.  Is it because they struggle with an overweight child and seek answers from all corners of the world, like me?  Or is it because they think I'm an idiot who has introduced my 7 year old child to concepts of nutrition prematurely?  Which, which, which?

It doesn't matter, really.  Some will think I'm an idiot and some will understand.  Maybe most will seek to understand even if they don't yet.  The point is the insecurity.  It governs.  Because if you bungle at raising your children, nothing else you do well really matters, right?  It's so important not to mess this up.  Do we counsel our kids on calories and carbs and fats and proteins?  Do we let them enjoy their double-fudge brownies with no concern for that sort of thing (even if they are obese)?  Do we put them on diets and food plans?  Do we pshaw all that and teach them to embrace and love the body they have?

It truly is a scary thing, parenting through this.  Perhaps I should write about it on my own blog instead of in your comments section.  (I have occasionally over the years.)

I do, however, remember fondly those days before having an overweight child when I felt certain about these things.  Those days are gone now.

JustLinda fabulously imperfect Nothing to See Here... Just Linda ( http://justlinda.net )

When I first noticed my child becoming slightly heavier than normal for his age I was poo-poo-ed by friends and family members for worrying about it. There's definitely a double standard when it comes to boys because everyone thought it was great that he could eat so much. Unfortunately, since it is such a difficult subject to deal with, (especially when they're nowhere near obese, just heading in the wrong direction), it was something that ultimately, he had to decide to deal with. Now, at 14, he is very aware of his physique and still not happy with it. He eats very sensibly and exercises a lot. I don't think we do our kids any favors by not trying to do something about excess weight, no matter how painful it is.

As far as girls being proud of being thin goes - it changes a little when they become teenagers. It's quite fashionable to have "curves" these days, so now I hear a lot about her flat chest and small frame. A lot of teenage girls get quite a shock when their bodies start changing, especially if it attracts attention. That's when you have to watch to make sure they're not trying to keep their bodies the same when they should be growing.

My 4th child is overweight.  It changed things quite a bit.

It was pretty easy to shield them from being concerned about such things, fats, carbs, calories, etc. when they were all fit and lean and there were no worries about them.  Then along comes the one who isn't and at a time when there is an obesity epidemic, even in children!  And suddenly you don't know what to do.  Do you talk to them about this stuff?  Do you pretend nothing is different?  Which way is the Do No Harm way?  Which counsel do you believe, which gospel do you spread?

It becomes quite a bit more complex.  And scary... as scary as walking a tightrope with no net under you.  If you lose your balance by going just a hair too far left or a hair too far right... well, crash and burn.  And what's at stake?  The spirit and ego of your child. 

I certainly don't wish to visit any of MY food or body-image issues onto my child.  Uh-uh.  Not me.  But she's OBESE.  And doing nothing isn't an option, either.

I have no idea if the child in your article is overweight or if she is aware of calories for some reason that might make people think "Well, yeah, of course they should be counseling their child on that stuff."  Maybe in this case, it's because her mother is obsessed with remaining in a Size 2 pair of jeans.  Who knows. 

I just know that what to talk about and not talk about and what to do and not to do becomes harder and scarier when you have a child impacted by obesity.  I'm not so quick to know the right and wrong of it all anymore. 

JustLinda fabulously imperfect Nothing to See Here... Just Linda ( http://justlinda.net )

My kids are both pretty lean.  In fact my 8 year old daughter is so thin we struggle to find pants that fit.  So naturally I have made comments about how skinny she is in the context of "Boy, it's hard to find pants that fit well" kind of thing.  But she picked up on it and now talks proudly about how skinny she is and how she wants to stay skinny.

When she started that up, I started watching how I talk about her body.  I emphasized that everyone has a different shape or size and that the most important thing we can do is focus on being healthy.  That weight is naturally a factor but so is what you eat and how much you move.  In her case, really emphasizing that Miss Picky could stand to eat more fruits and vegetables. 

It is hard in this world of super thin models and unrealistic body images out there.  But if we keep talking to our kids, emphazing the importance of the whole person, I believe they'll be ok.  I asked my daughter one day about body image, etc.  She put her hands on my face, shook her head, and said "Silly mommy.  I know."  I think she gets it.

As the mother of two very lean kids and one who will probably always have to watch his weight, I don't think it's bad for kids to know what calories are, just as we inform them about the need for protein, iron, etc. The important thing is not to turn calories into something bad, which is usually what young girls mean when they even mention them. We all need calories, and we need to de-criminalize them too.

I have an 11 year old and 13 year old, both girls. They started with the weight thing when they were about 6 or 7. They don't do it much anymore now that they are taller and have lost the "baby weight", but it was a serious problem for awhile, where they would cry about how fat they were and they were never even fat! Not even chubby! My 13 year old did get upset when we went shopping for her birthday in November and she went up a whole size from a 1 to a 2/3 in jeans. We talked about it and she understands (at least she says she does) that its normal and with her body type she has curves. More curves than I would like for her to have at that age. :|

I have had them watch that show Intervention about the eating disorders and what it does to people. I have also had them watch shows and read articles with video clips on body images in the media and whats healthy and not healthy. That really helps.

I know your children are younger, but these days they grow up so much faster and the world really is a scary place. Take care and good luck!