Dancing with the Stars Recap: The Top 7 Feel Guilty

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Although some of these "guilty pleasures" songs are really just AWESOME.

If anything was a guilty pleasure last night (and what a weird insulting honor for the artists used that was), it was realizing that a couple of those Hanson boys turned out kinda cute. That gave me a not-so-fresh feeling.

Ralph Macchio Karina Smirnoff Dancing With the Stars
Image courtesy ABC

1. Kirstie and Maks danced a Samba

Well, she looked hot, unlike last week. She doesn't finish some of her lines or even her hip shakes, which is kind of odd. For example, Maks was bumping for everything he was worth, and he could barely find her hip to bump. And her feet don't extend, so she seems a little flat-footed. I was a little surprised they pulled 9s, but I did think it was a very by-the-book Samba, hitting all the major steps, so that scored them some points.

Bottom line: I just don't know. More fan favorite? Or Evil Willow "Bored Now"?

2. Chris and Cheryl danced a Tango

Yikes. Chris seems to be working to erase all my faith in and fervor for him. This had a really slow beginning, and some early foot faults. The choreography didn't seem to fit the excitement of the music. It was the dullest tango ever. Kind of stiff...didn't have the charm I was feeling two and three weeks ago.

Bottom line: Not his best night at all. I hope he sticks around and has a chance to redeem himself, but I'm feeling doubtful.

3. Romeo and Chelsie danced a Waltz

Nice job, although it took about half way through before his face relaxed enough. But it was really lovely … he hit his mark and executed on the technique, and he had such nice bearing and posture, and he really got the rise and fall too. Romeo has totally given in to the Ballroom, and he wears it well. Surest sign: I now watch him as much as I watch girl-crush Chelsie.

Bottom line: Safe as can be, that was awesome.

4. Chelsea and Mark danced a Quick Step

The props and glasses didn't bode well, and I was expecting a routine that would lead to much Len ranting. But unlike past weeks they got right to the dancing and jumped right into to a very technically challenging Quick Step. She sometimes seemed slightly behind with her footwork, and I can't say I'm blown over by her...I feel she lacks a bit of charisma, but overall a good job.

Bottom line: Thinking she'll be safe.

5. Kendra and Louis danced a Samba

Well, that was doin' what comes naturally, eh? And it will probably get her booted. We like gals like Kendra more outside their comfort zone. We like the underdog trying to be elegant, not the hottie acting like, well, a hottie. And can I just say, I usually take Bruno with a big grain of salt, but EWWWWW. Bruno was gross, and I think there is something deeply misogynistic at the root of all his constant stripper references. Icky. Even more icky? Wow. The shots from the video of "I'm Still Standing." Bruno has NO room to judge, let's just say that.

Bottom line: While she did a nice job and oughta be safe with that, I'm worried for her and think her time has run out.

6. Hines and Kym danced a Viennese Waltz

This was most I've enjoyed Hines in a while. The nitpick I would have shared with him is this: In general he looked really comfortable, relaxed and strong above the waist, but there were some weird little mis-steps down there amongst the feet. It was like his body wasn't one connected thing. Which is creepy.

Bottom line: Like I said: A nitpick. He'll be safe.

7. Ralph and Karina danced a Paso Doble

Better than the last couple of weeks, and an impressive ending. Spatula Hands seemed to have receded a bit, and he can certainly take on very fast, complex choreography. While there was fire, there was also a bit of stiffness to it. I think Ralph has lost the joy of dancing in the competition, and I miss it. It was there the first couple of weeks, but I haven't seen it lately.

Bottom line: Think he's still safe, but no longer thinking he's a lock to win, that's for sure.

Bottom line for the Bottom Two:

Should be: Chris and Kirstie, with Kirstie going home. (I'm just calling it like I sees it.)

Will be: Chris and Kendra with Kendra going home.

But what did you think?

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