By Widow World on March 30, 2014
It's dinner-date night, and it's been over 35 years. Needless to say, I have no idea how to "do" this. He chose the restaurant and it's a very nice one. I told him I would meet him there. (I read somewhere to not get into a car with a stranger on a first date, and although he is not a stranger, I wanted to follow the 2013 rules!) I drove to the restaurant and somehow managed to arrive as he was arriving. He had made a reservation so we were seated right away. First question from the server was what would I like to drink? I secretly thought how about a fifth of Woodford Reserve and two bottles of wine? That's a start!!!! I am so nervous and fear one drink would loosen my tongue and I would say things I would regret the rest of my life! But I ordered Woodford on the rocks! And we began to talk. Our conversation was easy and comfortable. So...what have you been doing the past 40 years???? Where to start? Well, let's see...being a wife and a mother, working a very stressful job, making a home, cooking and cleaning, vacationing to some wonderful places, cooking and cleaning some more, burying my husband and trying to get on with life! He shared much of his journey with me. We ordered our dinner and talked, and ate our dinner and talked, and continued to talk as he had coffee. The check is presented, paid and the evening is coming to a close. He walks me to my car and again the hug. He still smellls wonderful, hugs me tightly (my husband gave the best hugs in the world!!!!!), and I get a kiss on the cheek. He closes my door and walks to his car. When he backs out, he backs away from me and waits for me to leave ahead of him. WAIT!!!! I'm not ready to leave. I want to sit here and think about this evening. There's so much to consider. But he waits. So I back out and drive away. After making sure he is not following me, I pull over into a parking lot and sit, and think and then, think some more.
The evening was so lovely. It's amazing the things you forget. To have a gentleman place his arm behind you and walk with you to the table, to sit across from a smile at dinner and have a conversation, to have someone ask you if everything is good, to have a man reach across with his fork and take something off your plate for a taste, to be asked if you'd like to share a dessert, to talk and talk and talk...wonderful. I thought about all of this and realized something very significant. I was ready to love again.
Note - My husband had been dead for three and a half years. During this time I had not thought about SEX!!!! Somehow I believe the Lord banishes those thoughts from your mind until you are ready. Before my husband died, he was not well. He spent eighteen months trying to live. He had two open heart surgeries. We spent a month in a local hospital, were emergency air-lifted to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, and spent another month there. SEX was no longer a part of our lives but love was. So here I am now. It's been quite some time since I was intimate with a man, and all of a sudden the thoughts were screaming in my head. So "thinking" was a priority for me. What happens next?
The next day I returned to my home (600+ miles away). The drive back provided more time to think. I'm 66 years old, and was married to the same man for over 35 years. How can I be intimate with another man? It's been a long time and do all my "parts" work? I can feel the desire inside, but how do I do this? I've got to figure out the how, where, and when. I do know one thing. I cannot have this new experience of being with a man in a place where my husband has been. That will be my first rule. Now, what rule comes next? Lots of thinking to do!
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