- Share This Post
- Pin It
- 0
- 0
-
Sparkle (0)
In case you haven't caught my previous posts or need a refresher, I'm currently going through the ten-week Fit4Love program with my coach Sheila Paxton. Sheila's business, Intentional Relationships, offers personal and business coaching in addition to the romance coaching I'm doing. The Fit4Love program is designed to enhance romantic relationships by helping you clarify what you want in a romance. For me, I'm hoping it will build my self-confidence so I can start dating and truly enjoy it.
Flirting Update
My task this past week was to initiate a casual conversation which I didn't think was going to be that difficult. What I wasn't banking on was how ingrained my "closed off, business-like" behavior had become. Each time I'd leave the house, I'd remember my task and figure there would be people where I was going and so it would be easy. Then before I knew it I would be on my way home, without having initiated a conversation. When I talked to my coach, Sheila Paxton about this, I said I felt it was just indicative of me staying in my comfort zone and I need to be more conscious of breaking out.
Happily, I was not a complete failure at my homework - I did initiate a casual conversation with the guy that delivers our office supplies whereas usually I'd just sign the tablet. He's also typically very task-focused but we did have a short conversation.
Then on two separate occasions I noticed a man looking at me and I was startled. It was the first time in years that I'd noticed anyone looking at me. I don't believe that no one has noticed me, it's just me that hasn't noticed anyone noticing me. And that was the shock.
When I realized what was happening, I heard Sheila's voice in my head telling me to smile. So I gave each of them a big smile and said hello. The first guy responded with a smile back and a hello; the second guy kind of mumbled a response almost as if he was embarrassed I'd noticed him.
On another occasion, I went to the Post Office and found there was a long line which doesn't happen very often at our local village Post Office. As I was hesitating for something say, the man at the end of the line invited me to join everyone in the fun of waiting. My inside-the-head voice screamed,
"No! I was supposed to say something first!"
I was pressed for time for the car pool and said I would come back later but with hindsight, that was a missed opportunity for practicing conversation. However, Sheila said that I must have looked open and approachable for the man to have said something.That's the value of a different perspective and Sheila's encouragement.
For the coming week, I've to continue smiling and initiating conversations...
Being Intentional
My other assignment from last week was to practice being intentional in each of six areas: chores, talking with a friend, work, eating, exercise and driving. Initially, I found I was putting this off because the conditions were right, I was in a hurry, the T.V. was on etc. Then I realized that part of the point of the exercise was to be able to screen out these distractions and to focus on the particular task.
I found that concentrating to the exclusion of all else for more than a few minutes was difficult but when I did, everything I experienced went deeper, I noticed more, I felt more and I also remembered it better. I also found that the deep focus would trigger other memories. Additionally, I noticed how rarely I actually only do one just thing. I'm a notorious multi-tasker.
Sheila wants me to keep practicing this - being intentional will help keep me grounded on a first date. She says that while I'm concentrating on using all my senses, there won't room for other brain chatter, the what ifs and it will help remove fear or doubt. I also know I don't like it when I'm talking to someone and they keep getting distracted.
I am a catch
My next assignment is to list my strengths: physical, emotional, creative and spiritual. Sheila told me this was 'peacock time' and that weaknesses are simply under-developed strengths. I'm not sure I totally believe that, particularly from a business perspective. Anyway, Sheila said her female clients typically undervalue themselves and she pointed me to an inspirational poem from Marianne
