Dating the Atheist Male

BlogHer Original Post

I'm agnostic. Oh, and pagan. And, uh, "spiritual but not religious." I'm also heterosexual, and what this seems to mean is that I date a lot of atheist men. Which has lead to some surprises and pet peeves regarding the Atheist Male.

Number one on the list: He's atheist, but his parents don't really know. As in, he still goes to church when he's around them. As in, he lies to them about what he believes. As in, "Don't mention that I don't believe in God to my parents." As in, if he ever gets engaged there's going to be a Huge Problem.

Because that sounds like fun. I'm sure they won't blame the gorgeous agnostic woman their son's in love with for the fact that there's not going to be a church wedding. You know, that son they think's been a church-going and God-respecting all these years.

Worse case, he'd rather just get married in the church. So much for all those atheist principles.

Seriously, I don't get it. I mean, OK, there's a family dynamic going on there that I clearly don't understand, but at least once you're in your 30s, I think it's time to come clean.

Or elope, I suppose.

Note: I'm not against attending the occasional service out of respect if there's no misleading involved. Heck, I sing a mean Christmas carol, and I love candles and incense. Which brings us to...

Major pet peeve number two: Using your atheism as an excuse to be a total poop about that wonderful secular American and pagan holiday, Christmas. This particular breed of atheist male will extend said poopitude to include most holiday occasions, blaming it on His Principles and Hallmark.

Let me tell you, it is easy as pie to make your holidays meaningful and uncommercial (and secular). It does, however, require effort and giving and getting off your high poopy horse. There are wonderful, secular reasons that we celebrate the seasons. There are reasons that we celebrate together and mark the passing of time. Take the opportunity to express our love a little more.

And also: It's fun.

Poopy atheist Christmas-hating boys are not so fun.

Finally, there is a the tendency of some atheist males to regard any sort of spirituality or belief in (or even entertainment of the possibility of) something outside the everyday world of man as proof of their intellectual superiority. Often, sadly, this sometimes manifests itself as "silly women" syndrome.

'Cause my vagina makes me celebrate the changing of the seasons and believe that there might be things going on we don't yet know about or understand, docha know.

And oh, how the atheist male hates astrology. Like it's my fault that every Capricorn man I've ever met has had the same qualities, or that Scorpios all have that knack for throwing out the supermean stinger of a low blow. Hey, I don't date based on astrology, but when dating a Capricorn or a Scorpio leads to the exact same breakup, I'm going to notice, MKAY???

I'm just observing the phenomena. Throw me another good-looking atheist Capricorn, hell, I'll probably give it yet another go.

'Cause don't get me wrong. This agnostic, pagan, spiritual-but-not religious woman is happy to date atheists. More than that, declared atheism is like a +10 to spiritual compatibility when I'm Internet dating. I'm actively seeking the atheist male.

But if he's poopy about my Christmas tree, it's just not gonna work out.


The Blogosphere Speaks, and it's all men today, because hey, we're talking about atheism:

From vjack on Atheist RevolutionAtheist Dating and a follow-up Atheist Dating: The Issue Of Respect. Lots of great comments here as well from men and women.

NTLAPD and other thoughts - from RAmen at Ursus Pacificus: Is “non-religious” different from atheist?

How to Tell Your Parents You Are Dating Someone From Another Religion Or Race -from Mark at Mind Ideas.


Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.

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