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As a person living with chronic illness, I was intrigued to read a post on dating with fibromyalgia. I can totally understand how complicated relationships can be - especially when you are living with an illness that isn't easily recognizable to the average person (an invisible chronic illness). It seems to me that "dating" isn't the real problem, it's trying to have a "relationship" that can become complicated.
I can totally relate to this post and how in the beginning of a relationship people may see us differently than who we really are. And let's face it, we want to be that person they think they see. In many ways we truly are that person, but chronic illness steals are ability to stay that person. That is where the trouble begins.
Here is an excerpt from Dating with Fibromyalgia...
Eventually, they are going to notice that there is something different. In my case, they really did think I was lazy. Remember fibromyalgia has a great way of making people look perfectly healthy when they are in a great amount of pain. And I did, I looked perfectly healthy besides the fact that I always took naps and I didn’t get out that much.
In the beginning, I would come off as the high spirited, energetic being…. that loved to laugh and socialize. I was only able to do this with several naps and rest. I could only get away with it for so long.
. . .
There are fears that come with Fibro and dating. I have always been concerned that there will never be anyone that is strong enough for it. Sometimes I have had pity parties because I feel damaged to a degree, I can’t help this feeling. Woe is me. I sometimes feel that I am bringing nothing to the table but brokenness but I know this much, my spirit isn’t broken and neither is my heart, Fibro has never stopped me from loving unconditionally. It has never stopped me from having the ability to care. It hasn’t kept me from being an affectionate person. It hasn’t weakened but only strengthened my personality and who I am.
Here are a few more posts on dating with chronic illness.
From Pens and Needles - On Dating...
Of course I wondered what the surgery would be like, how the ICD would look, what it might feel like to be defibrillated. But foremost in my mind was a fear that the ICD would make me hideously unattractive to men. "Come on," I thought. "I haven't even figured out how to tell guys I have arthritis!"
A year later, I have yet to really put that fear to the test. I took a break from dating for some months after the surgery, and although I'm gradually getting back in the game, I haven't been on a second date in quite a long time. On one hand, I've become a lot pickier over the years, but the truth is I'm also quite terrified of having to explain my health issues to someone I might really like.
From Duana at Love Science - Absence and Illness...
Although there’s not much research that directly addresses illness and finding a lifemate, I want to prepare you for some good news for a change. Because research on other External Barriers to relationships—obstacles that make it difficult to be together, or that threaten to take away the option—does exist. And barriers tend to create a strong desire (in men, especially, some research shows) to get what they can’t easily have. Think of barriers as an externally imposed Hard To Get, and you’ve got the idea.
From Life With Pouch - Repairing the Soul After Chronic Illness...
I have a fear of commitment, but I didn’t used to, not before Crohn’s disease began to chip away at the collection of traits I call Me. It’s difficult when you realize that your disease has changed you, and for the worse. It was only after having ileostomy surgery and beginning to recover from a life of Crohn’s disease that I became aware that I’d developed this fear of commitment. Before Crohn’s, commitment was not one of my issues. Case in point: I got engaged after dating my then-boyfriend for two and a half months, at the age of twenty, and we’re still married twelve years later. But when you have a chronic illness, you learn that you can’t count on tomorrow. Every time you make plans and your body betrays you so that you can’t
