Dating: Mating Season Theory
A friend of mine asked me to put some of my theories in writing because it may help someone so here goes.
One of my favorite theories is the Mating Season Theory. This theory is meant to help women, and men, understand the peaks and valleys of the dating world. Since we are all animals at our core, we must remember that there are still very primal urges and instincts that rule our lives no matter how sophisticated and great we believe we are. Mating Season is one of those. My little theory is in action from February 15th until the first day of Fall or September 1. Here are the key elements of the Mating Season theory (I am a woman and this is written from a woman's perspective):
Principal 1: Breakups and Timing - Have you ever thought about the two weeks prior to or after holidays? Especially the gift giving holidays? Gift giving holidays, or signs of affection holidays, are crucial points in all relationships. A lot of times you here men who are in the beginning stages of a relationship, bowing out because they feel there is to much pressure to participate and make a statement. You hear some women say there man does not participate in Valentines Day because the man says "you should show someone you care everyday of the year". Although I am a proponent of showing someone you care 365, I do believe that all men and women, unless you were seriously raised to not celebrate the holiday, know that there must be some sign of affection especially when you are in a relationship.
With all of this said, the results of the lack of action on these gift giving holidays is a lot of breakups. Either the woman breaks up for her reasons, usually hurt feelings and the realization that the guy is not feeling her in the same way; or the guy breaks up, usually prior to the holiday, for some other weird reason to get out of the gift giving. This is usually masked by some stupid behavior so the women has to be the one to drop the axe. That brings us to our next point
Principle 2: Supply and demand - Now that there have been so many splits in a relatively short amount of time, you have a lot of single guys and girls on the market. From a woman's perspective, we could say "oh these guys are douche bags because they treated the last girl like that" or whatever, but in reality, the new members of the dating jungle are simply people who got together during the last mating season, tried it out, and decided it wasn't for them. They are not damaged goods, they are just people looking for more compatible opportunities. So don't knock them. I will discuss behavior for the jungle especially during mating season in another post. So now you have an increase of men and women in the world who are on the prowl. YAY!
Principle 3: Get ready - Just like any hunter, there is a specific day on which you know hunting season begins. There is also a time when you go to the hunting supply store to get what you need for a good season, lets call this pre-season. In pre-season, you should have your relationship status secured, at least by February 13th. You should know if you will be a participant of the mating season or if you will not. If you just met someone, and they are still very new, then you will be a participant. People who are in relationships know they will not be participating in the festivities because they are secure in their relationship. There are no questions of what the relationship is (seriously dating, monogamous, etc). This is usually shown by plans being made prior to the day and quality time spent together on Valentine's Day. If you don't have any of these plans then don't worry. Plan a day with your friends who are also single and go out and celebrate Valentine's Day like its all your birthdays, cause the season is going to be a wild one.
*I will take a moment to discuss why Valentines Day is the crucial beginning. In the Fall you have your gluttony and family holidays. October we over do it with the candy, November and December is all about family, food, friends, food, travel, food and did I mention food? We tend to be hibernating to an extent. If we have someone we are dating it is nice and no pressure because a lot of the focus is on eating, staying warm and family. In between those activities we are able to get to know the new person who may have made it into our lives. This is a fun time of hot cocoa and snuggling cause it just seems like the right thing to do. There is no pressure to perform on the holidays in this season because well, both of you have other traditional plans that you have been doing since the year of the 1o commandments and you can't get out of it. January is the New Year, New You, when you are deciding on resolutions to try to maintain and you should be taking inventory of the successes and not so successful things in the past and working on building on the positivity of it all. Then Valentine's Day rolls around. This is strictly a relationship holiday. There are roses, dinner reservations and candy flying everywhere. This is the day when men step on the field and establish themselves as a starter in the game of love. Some people are ready and step boldly (real relationship), some people are to new and need to be benched for a little while longer (just met but potential), and some people have shiny ball syndrome and think there are greener or shinier pastures on another team and want to forfeit (break up material). So this is why this day is so important in the single hemisphere.
Principle 3: Get Set - So here we have the day, February 14th. I actually love the day. I may be the only woman I know who loves being single on V-Day. The key to this happiness is that I know I love me with all my heart. And I show myself that love. No matter if a mate is there or not, you have two loves that take priority, God and self. If you don't love God or understand that we are not here just randomly then you may feel aimless. This may not be for everyone, but in my book, God comes first. Then of course its self-love. You have to learn how to love you and care for yourself before you can truly love and care for others and before you can understand and accept the love and care that someone will want to give to you. So every V-Day get your self a trinket, or for my Inception fans a token, so you can remember what is real. (This years token was a Tiffany's charm bracelet). Now on 2/14/11, you need to walk around with the bubbling excitement of the upcoming opening day. The smile on your face should be a mile wide because you know the fun and shenanigans that will begin in 24hrs.
As a maintenance issue, and this is the biggest part of the day, if you have men's numbers saved in your phone and they are not family, really good friends, or other important categories which are NOT OPTIONAL, and they do not call you, or text (its up to you if you allow one or the other or both) to say Happy Valentine's Day then DELETE THEM!!! This means that they did not even give thought to the idea of wishing you a happy day because they are either with someone more important or they did not see you as important enough to give a simple holiday wish to. I don't care how cute, how many nights you spend talking on the phone, how many days you have met for lunch, none of that matters. Some may say, well, he doesn't "do" V-Day. I would tell you, do not believe that mess. If he would say Marry Christmas to a stranger, he could say Happy Valentine's Day to a woman. It is still a holiday that has a verbal greeting. Don't believe me? At your job, how many people ended their conversation with "Thanks, and Happy Valentines day", ALL of my calls ended that way and I deal with disgruntled applicants all day. It is just what you say. SO, if you have date worthy men in your phone, and they do not say it, delete them and do not call them back, even if they call you. You can answer, cause they usually call in the days after 2/14/11 to see what you did or really, to see if you are upset that they didn't call. And you simply say you had a great time and went out, even if you didn't. So this step is really about making data space for all the people you will meet during mating season.
Principle 4: Go - On 2/13 you have gone out with your friends to celebrate, on 2/14you have given yourself a nice token to help you find your center during this new season, and you have made space in your life for the new possibilities forthcoming this season. And now it is 2/15 the opening of Mating Season!!!! You will notice that the air is a little crisper, the sun is a taste brighter, people look a little nicer, because instinct says its prowling time. February 15th is the opening day!! Treat yourself like the wonderful mysterious and majestic being that you are. Remember this is the beginning of Mating Season, so this is the time to observe your surroundings. Figure out the hottest places to frequent, assemble your pack, and get your hunter stance on. Now the full swing mating season is June 1. So from now until them we are getting our play book together, getting in the gym for some quality health and beauty time, and waiting out the chill in the air, but not in a winter hibernating type of way.
Principle 5: Perspective - Just remember, during this time you may meet a lot of really nice people. In fact you may feel like they are the one, and here is where my old fashioned, Rules Woman falls out of my shirt. WOMEN - please do not start speaking in relationship on the first date or first phone call. DO Have fun. DO not start telling the story of your past relationship, or the bad things that have happened to you in the past. Some men use these things to get you in the bed because they build on your fantasy and start talking in couple talk when in their hearts they know they are not interested in these things. It is best to hold off talking anything long term unless it is totally agreed upon, in actions not words that you should retire you hunting costume. DO NOT spend all night and day on the phone with them. You allow yourself to become too available and the chase is not there (remember that saying, men love a chase, that is hunting talk). DO Allow the man to take you out. Let him show you why he is worth more of your time. DO allow him to make the plans. He is a man and should be able to make plans for the two of you. DO keep yourself safe, when going to clubs or parties go with girlfriends and meet him and some of his friends there, do not get yourself in situations you are not comfortable with. DO NOT take his phone number. He will then act as if you need to make the first move which is a no no. DO NOT sleep with him in the first month of meeting him. He needs at least 60 days to show you who he is sans "representative". DO NOT consider spending quality time, the guy coming to your house with a pizza. You shouldn't even feel comfortable with him knowing where you live until a few months down the line. Oh and the only way to hunt is if you are in the jungle. Spending all your time at home is a no no. And ladies its okay to say hi when you see a man looking at you, especially when you are interested. But by all means, avoid Criminal Minds worthy encounters, stay safe and know your surroundings including the area you are in, they type of crowd that frequents and the license plate number of the car he is in.
Hunt in packs and have fun!