Historically speaking, one of my big must-haves when I'm dating is that it's really important to me to date someone who has their own interests besides The Relationship. I dated a lot of guys who didn't have their own things, so it was a pressure on me because I have a lot of things, you know? I'm all for including my significant other and doing things together whenever possible, but if they've got nothing of their own it can be smothering and pressure-filled not-fun.

That said, it recently occurred to me that this is one area where your average single Angelino naturally excels. People in L.A.: Have Their Own Things. Usually more than one.

But because of my pre-L.A. experiences, I've continued to weight "own interests" heavily - except in L.A. it's kinda like insisting you'll only date people with noses. Everyone I've dated has had a nose, and they've all had multiple interests of their own.

So I'm dating someone and thinking, "Hey, I found this great thing!" When in reality, I could date half the town and just about everyone would meet that preference.

Meanwhile, what *does* seem to be difficult to find in L.A. is someone who's open and able to give positive energy to a relationship.

Specifically:

• Understands that relationships require compromise from *both* partners and that any such compromise does not constitute the equivalent of giving someone a limb or a piece of your soul.
• Is open to expending romantic energy towards their partner by being physically and verbally affectionate.
• Basically, is considerate and thoughtful and giving.

Look, I can be as busy and self-centered as the next Angelino, but when you're in relationship, sometimes it's not about you. Sometimes you compromise or spend a little extra energy on your partner - maybe even doing something that makes no sense to you - because that's what makes a relationship tick and thrive. And because making your partner happy makes you happy.

*That's* what I need to be looking for. 'Cause I'm betting that the Angelino who's got that part down, surely has a million personal interests to go with it. Like all of us.

I can't believe it took me six years to realize this. Life price of moving, I guess. When you move, it's not just the obvious things that are different. It can take a long time to figure some things out, and I've learned that nobody native understands what it's like or why you don't get it.

As for what I should be looking for, I think it's ironically difficult because I am a rather low maintenance person. You know, I don't care about female friends, late nights, guys nights, and a million other things that I hear tell of women getting upset by. I don't need to see someone everyday, and a text message check-in or an email does me just fine.

But feeling loved and having that be communicated to me physically and verbally (or via writing like little notes, etc.) is key.

In L.A., I think I sometimes end up with guys who see Low Maintenance and think No Maintenance. You ask for one consideration and suddenly you're TRYING TO CHANGE ME OMG.

No, dude: It's called C O M P R O M I S E.

And yeah, relationships change you. You with me is different than you without me. Me with you is different than me without you. If you are in a relationship and NOTHING about you is different, I think you're doing it wrong.

Honestly, I have no idea when my next date will be. Not as soon as I hoped and currently nowhere to be seen. That makes me sad and frustrated.

But there's hope in this realization for me in that going forward I won't be giving extra weight to a quality that now surrounds me here in L.A. And there's hope in the fact that that makes L.A. even more my home and the place I was born to be. As Sara says in L.A. Story, "It's a place where they've taken a desert and turned it into their dreams."

Well, I'm still dreaming, and I don't intend to stop.

~

The blogosphere speaks:

Kiss My Glutes Went on a date. (Cuteness alert!)

I went on a date last night - Stevie Trischmann shares a beautiful evening.

From A New York Minute: Um, actually, I went on a date. She met him in a bar; he called her; they went on a date! It's like rocket science, I tell you! Sigh.