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One of the worst bits of dating advice I ever read was on an online dating site in regards to profile photos. The author advised that a guy not post a picture of himself in full LARP regalia. It was suggested that you keep the quirkier aspects of yourself off of your profile and wait to reveal your more potentially embarrassing hobbies until a few dates in, assuming things are going well.
Eff that. This blogger is a full-on fan of flying your freak flag high. Not only would I prefer to see a pic of a guy in his LARP garb if that's part of who he is, I would be completely turned off to discover later that he was embarrassed by his own hobby.
Now, I am aware that many people are not of my persuasion. That is, someone who owns every part of themselves quite publicly. And, someone who very much enjoys dating someone who likes to do most of the things that I like to do. I am even aware that I sometimes use my geekiness as a defense of sorts, against advances from the type of men I'm not interested in, who at first glance, in certain situations, don't realize the level of geek embodied in my body.
Certainly, though, I do have friends who are a bit more reticent to share their geekier, and not to leave anyone out, freakier sides. In my friends, I respect their personal choices. In my potential mates, as I've said, this type of behavior really turns me off.
But, I was thinking the other day that this is one area where I as a woman have an advantage. If I go to, for example, a board gaming convention, I'm going to be the minority, and for some percentage of that mostly male population, a geek's dream. It's likely that I will find someone with some of my geekier interests who I am indeed attracted to at any given time.
However, for men, it's a different playing field. Many men keep their geekier aspects outside of their romantic relationships and that works for them. That's probably partially evolved from the fact that there are still less geeky women than men. If you hold out for a geeky, freaky goddess, you've just narrowed your field.
Still, I personally can't imagine being in a relationship where something I love is considered weird. I'd rather be single.
I recently read a friend's Facebook status update joking about how her husband still plays D&D and how funny that is. I don't want to live in that world. I'm not knocking their relationship, because relationships are more complicated and personal than that. But me, I don't live on a planet where it's weird to play D&D in your 30s, and I've got no interest in moving there.
I think people should be who they are. Right from the beginning, and they should be proud to lead with that. If that involves a picture with your LARP posse, I say, bring it on.
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Linky Goodness:
From Travis on Dating With A Purpose, 10 Principles to Partnership:
“Let Your Freak Flag Fly!” Purpose Principle #10. Love this. Totally bookmarked for further reading.
From Christine on All About The Afterparty: Adios Online Dating, It's Been... Fun? She disagrees with me about leading with the freak flag, but this post is a most awesome round up of experiences and wisdom.
From Angie on Kimchi Mamas: Dating in the 21st Century - Asian Fetish Anyone? A perfectly acceptable reason to fly your freak flag - So those who aren't interested can avoid you like the plague. Really, it's win win.
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Contributing editor Liz Rizzo also blogs at Everyday Goddess.
