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Day 8: I Grew Up
Too Soon #NaBloPoMo

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The prompt today is a bit more serious than I usually like to write because I tend to not want to remember the bad things in my past much. But, I took the challenge, right?

The Prompt: Has anything traumatic ever happened to you? Describe the scenes surrounding a particular event.

There have been a few defining moments in my life that I can honestly say have had a huge impact on me. Unfortunately, many of those moments are not good memories that I can look back on in reverie. This particular event is no different.

Growing up was not easy for me. Don't get me wrong - I had a roof over my head, food on my table and a mother that loved me. I got good grades and was never in any kind of trouble. Unfortunately, I also had a stepfather that made my life a living hell.

My stepfather was an addict. He was the worst kind of alcoholic - belligerent and hateful, but also sickly sweet and overly-loving. He could turn on a dime if you weren't careful. He regularly called my mother a "whore" and accused her of cheating constantly (even though I caught him with his ex-wife myself). He was often overly inappropriate with me (although he never crossed the line into illegality) and I was usually uncomfortable around him.

But, this prompt isn't about a childhood of emotional abuse or hatred. It's about a single moment. A traumatic event.

~

I had just graduated from high school a few months before. I had a boyfriend and a job and was getting ready to start college in a nearby town. I would be moving to my dorm soon and had to go through Freshman Orientation the next morning. I was excited!

That night (as was so often the case) I was left to babysit my three younger step-siblings while my mom and stepdad went out to the bars. I got the kids to bed and went about my usual nightly routine (laying in my bed, watching TV until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore - waiting for them to come home). When they came home, I knew it was going to be a bad night. I could hear them arguing before they even got in the front door. "Great, the neighbors are going to hear them again." I snuggled my blankets closer as I lay there, unable to pry my ears away from what was happening downstairs.

I heard the usual name-calling and hatred spewing. I heard the tussle as he tried to grab her and she tried to get away. I thought about intervening, but had no idea what I would do to help her.

The details of the night are a bit fuzzy after that. I can't remember who did what or how they got there, but the police ended up in front of my house.

I grew up in a very small town and we knew the police very well. There were only two or three of them for heaven's sake. By them showing up, the entire town was going to know what happened.

I was angry that they were there. I hated the one officer that showed up (I can't remember why) and I remember throwing my words at him like daggers. Begging him to let my mother go. She had done nothing wrong and didn't deserve this! Didn't he know I had a big day tomorrow?

That night, they were both taken into custody on charges of domestic violence. I was left trying to figure out what to do with three kids and my upcoming orientation. My stepdad's mother showed up (I guess he called her) and said she would take the kids. She never claimed me or, quite frankly, liked me but was willing to take me to my orientation. I declined.

I remember ending up at my boyfriend's house, crying on his mother's shoulder. I had no idea what to do or how to get my own mother out of jail.

I spent the night alone in a big, dark house that night.

I was a child in a very adult situation.

It all ended up fine (as fine as a situation such as this can end up). My step-father's mother took the kids, someone bailed my mother (and that man) out of jail and my boyfriend took me to my freshman orientation.

The lesson that night? Time to grow up, Lindsay.

I was 17 and that is the night I became an adult.

~*~*~

Lindsay's ramblings can be found at www.lindsayblogs.com and

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Mrs4444 5 pts

I can relate. Why would a young woman who sees her mother as helpless have any idea that she, herself, could do anything? You've come a long way, clearly; I'm happy for you.

faycinacroud 5 pts

You were more an adult than any of the so called adults in this situation. You did well!

isthisthemiddle 452 pts

This was brave of you to write, and hopefully it is one more step in the healing process. What wonderful comments your readers have made!

kisschronicles 19 pts

Thank you for sharing your story. For the sake of your step siblings, I'm glad you were there when the police arrived, to watch over them until their grandmother arrived, even though it was something horrid for you to go through.

lindsayblogs 12 pts

kisschronicles I had never thought of that, but you're totally right. I don't know what would have happened to them. :(

JamieBMusings 5 pts

I can totally relate to your struggles with someone suffering from addiction. Thank you for sharing this; I'm glad everything ultimately worked out for you.

lindsayblogs 12 pts

JamieBMusings It has worked out because I learned from the mistakes made by those around me, rather than repeating them. I was lucky and incredibly stubborn.

KarenLynnn 442 pts

I'm so sorry. I tried so hard to lose my childhood. I can't go back there, it gives it life. I hope writing about this helps you. I didn't read all the replies but I bet there are a lot of us out here.

lindsayblogs 12 pts

KarenLynnn I've lost quite a bit of my childhood. I don't remember a lot of it because I guess I've either blocked it out or just forgotten it. There are definitely more people out there like us than there should be.

KarenLynnn 442 pts

lindsayblogs so true, sadly. *hugs*

littlebitfunky 6 pts

I can relate to each word. Though it was my father and not step father and my grow up moment came when I was still in the single digits. Every major event in my childhood and most of them in my adult life have been tinged with their MESS. I always say...it will take me 18 years to undo the first 18. YOU get better when you work at it.

littlebitfunky 6 pts

Also minus the sexual stuff...that did not come from my father but other adult males in my life...

KarenLynnn 442 pts

littlebitfunky it gets easier with time.

lindsayblogs 12 pts

littlebitfunky I'm so sorry :( I don't ever wish that kind of a childhood on anyone. But you're right. Working through the issues is helpful, even if it's painful.

alienbody 239 pts

Thanks for sharing this story. I've been there myself, watching and then...ultimately...having to haul my step-dad (while well underage) out of a bar and bail both parents out of jail. And..well, there's always more isn't there? It takes courage to relive these events and I admire you for it. Great post.

lindsayblogs 12 pts

alienbody You're right. There's always more and it's never a fun place to revisit. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

HomeRearedChef 605 pts

I was born in Nicaragua, and my birth father was a falling down drunk, a wife beater, and openly womanizer. My mother found him often with the maids. When I was about 6, my mother had finally had enough of his abuses and she left him. We fled to El Salvador, and we never saw him again!

My mother later married, and American man, I was about 7. And he turned out to be a really great man. He later adopted me; he loved and cared for me and his children with all the love he had to give. I am grateful to God for putting my American Dad in our lives. Smiling!

lindsayblogs 12 pts

HomeRearedChef What an amazing outcome! Your mother was so strong for getting out and I'm glad she ended up finding a good man to share your lives with!

HomeRearedChef 605 pts

Grateful is what we are, yes! We were one of the few lucky ones. This is what I hear. Thank you! And I loved that you were able to share your story. Again, thank you!! lindsayblogs

Conversation from Twitter

lisanoel03
lisanoel03

Lindsay_Blogs everyday I talk to him now turns me into that scared 12 year old girl and I HATE it. And I know my mom would hate it too!!

Lindsay_Blogs
Lindsay_Blogs

lisanoel03 I haven't talked to mine in about ten years and I'm thankful to have him out of my life. Why do you still talk to him?

lisanoel03
lisanoel03

Lindsay_Blogs 1 he was my boss until he recently sold the company. 2 i promised my mom that we would stay connected before she passed away

Lindsay_Blogs
Lindsay_Blogs

lisanoel03 Ah, I see. Sorry you are dealing with that :(

lisanoel03
lisanoel03

Lindsay_Blogs OMG I am bawling over here. I swear to God we had the same stepdad. He was sober for a few years but not since my mom passed.

Lindsay_Blogs
Lindsay_Blogs

lisanoel03 Oh wow! My mom finally escaped about 7 or 8 years ago, but the memories still haunt me.

Conversation from Facebook

Leslie Whitney
Leslie Whitney

Oh my gosh, These horrible memories just make me cry! Cannot imagine surviving and growing up in a situation like that. So many of you bloggers have sad childhoods, you are all amazing in my eyes. Great post.