The Deal Breaker

Yes, I’m getting a divorce.

No, it’s not fixable.

Yes, I asked for counseling for 3 years.

Then?  The Deal Breaker.

Now….I can’t really divulge the Deal Breaker.  It was a Deal Breaker straight out of the gate.  Then?  The rest of the chips fell, making me not even DOUBT that it was a deal breaker.

I thought, for some years,  ”yep, my marriage is crap” and “yep, it is what it is”.  I was willing to be sad, abandoned, un-loved…..until?  The Deal Breaker.

The Deal Breaker was shocking.  The Deal Breaker was crazy.  The subsequent LONG list of Deal Breakers AFTER?  Even disturbing….that someone could be that way, and I had no idea.  That someone would hurt me like that…with a long list of Deal Breakers.  Someone I loved….and thought was my best friend.

I just thought I had a crap marriage — not a Deal Breaker.

But…the Deal Breaker hit the fan.  And?  For about 2.6 seconds?  Sheer relief.  Sheer understanding.  Sheer — Deal Breaker.

The Deal?  The Vows?  Broken…not by me.  I stayed the course.

And…that tiny brief breath of a moment?  Calm.

I did all I could….I didn’t know the Deal Breaker.  Actually – The Deal BREAKERS…that have come down the pike.

And?  It isn’t on me.  NOT.   ABOUT.   ME.   NOT.  REGARDING.   ME.   NOT.   NOT.    NOT.

Choices….he made Deal Breaking misleading choices.

Me?  Stayed true to the agreement of marriage.  True.

And?  Thank you to the Deal Breaker.  I would have stayed, in crap marriage, for a lifetime.  For my boys.  For my boys -  crap marriage wasn’t a Deal Breaker.  It was “look away worthy”….for my Gingers.

Deal Breaker, Thank You, for making me see the light.  For giving me 20/20 hindsight.  To see what and who he is.  To see he never loved me.  Never.  To see he never cared.  Never. Because people that do all these Deal Breakers, don’t have the capacity for that.  They just use for what they want and need in life.  And move onto the next thing.

Deal Breaker — I’m glad we met.

Love,

Hatefully Estranged Joy

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