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Sparkle (3)
Yesterday I spent time with a friend and she regularly told me "stop thinking you're fat, you're not fat". No shit Sherlock. I know I'm not fat and I'm not thinking I'm fat. I think she thinks I am or she thinks she is. Wonders of projection.
- I clearly see I have some padding over my muscles. I have gained 40 pounds in 2008. It's a fact, not a myth. Doesn't mean I'm thinking I'm fat. But I used to think I was.
- I have cellulite and jiggly underarms (way worse but still), love handles. It's a fact not a myth.
- It doesn't serve me well to shield my eyes and pretend I'm a teen supermodel.
- Of course I have some complexes, like everyone.
- Even with the padding and the complexes, I don't think twice about undressing in front of others in the locker room and I am happy in my bathing suit at the beach. Why would I hide ? Why would I stop myself from having fun by shying away from being half naked in the sun ? Or shying away from making it easy for myself ? Finding a space where no one can see you so you can gingerly get out of your panties is too much work.
- I'm grateful that this body allows me to be active.
- If I have the choice between equally delicious food or drinks at 90 calories or 500 calories, I'll choose the 90 calories. Why ? Because I don't see why I would add all those calories to a regular diet. I already eat well and I don't keep away from sugar and fat. Which means I eat like a normal healthy person (with smaller portions). If I have the choice between a small brownie from Le maître chocolatier or an apple...I'll choose the brownie. Apples and braces don't mix well and those brownies are intensely delicious. If I make my own brownies, I'll choose the healthy recipes made with sweet potato, half the fat.
- I like restaurants but I prefer my food.
- I have muscles underneath it all. Real ones that I want to make stronger and more apparent.
- There are heart problems in my family and it's a problem I don't want.
- Going to the gym relaxes me, it's fun, I feel like I'm playing.
If someone thinks I'm fat, it's their problem, not mine. I still wear size 11 pants, large t-shirts and my cup size is still C. I can strut my stuff like nobody's business, I have fun with zumba, I love being in the big gym with the big guys and seeing I can lift more than 80% of the women there (and it's still not what I aim for). I'm happy in my body.
Deal with it.
